A mess!

[IRN BRU]

New user here found site by accident to be honest but while I am here I could do with some advice!

Its a long un and I dont really know where to start so please stay with me,

I met my ex girlfriend when I was 21 and she was only 15 but the problem was I met her in a pub and thought she was a lot older we got on really well and shared a few text messages. She eventually asked if we could meet up and after talking on the phone about our up coming meeting I asked her how old she was and she told me straight that she was 15, I told her I wanted to wait for her to be 16 before meeting up with her this didnt go down to well and I didnt hear anything from her for a while. Then on her 16th birthday she text me and asked me to meet her at the local as she was with her Mum celebrating her birthday. I met her but things started very slowly only friends so to speak and this went on for a long time until we eventually got together in October last year things where great for a while but she used to text other lads and break up with me every now and again and then come running back saying she loved me. I loved her more than anything and would have done anything for her. Then our relationship settled down we where happy together until one night this January when she asked me if I wasnt with her would I be with a certain other girl and me being a bit drunk answered with yes like a fool! She burst out crying and wouldnt talk to me and went home. Three days ago her Mum contacted me and told me she was pregnant but she didnt want to talk to me all I could say was tell her to call me when she is ready to talk! I want to do the right thing but this is tearing me apart my friends are telling me she is with someone else and I was seeing someone else as well but broke that off straight away as had to much on my plate. I need to speak to her but I know she doesnt want to speak to me its driving me crazy my parents have gone mad and all I want to do is the right thing for me, her and the child if she is even keeping it that is. I am in a good job and can support the kid but I want to make ago of it and try to be a Dad and maybe even a family with my ex, but I have no idea what she wants. She told a mates girlfriend that she still liked me and was missing me but yet I still havent heard from her.

Any advice will be greatly recieved!

[Mist]

There's not a whole lot that you can do if she wont talk to you. try arranging something through her mum maybe.

[nicebutdim23]

she sounds a bit immature and not really ready to be a mum.however, if she does decide to keep the baby it will force her to grow up a bit.as it sounds like immaturity and insensitivity played a part in ur breakup. if you want to get back together, it needs to be coz u want her too, as well as the baby.

[nicebutdim23]

send her some flowers with a card. it might melt her.

[Girl_gunner]

A letter maybe? Sounds kind of old fashioned but it you get it to her its very likely she WILL read it.

[IRN BRU]

Thanks for all your advice I think I will give her another couple of days and then go with a slight combination of the letter and some flowers! To whoever asked I do want her as well we where happy before so I am sure we could make it work.

[nicebutdim23]

flowers and a letter always make me forgive my man- im so easy to win over :yes:

[IRN BRU]

I just hope she is then :)

[IRN BRU]

Just to update everyone I have just spoken to her Mum and it turns out my ex has decided to have an abortion I dont want to lead this to a political debate or anything but shouldnt I have been consulted first.

Its a relief though and a big weight of my shoulders I told her Mum to tell her to call me if she needed support but her Mum says if she has an abortion she will kick her out as she is totally against it.

She still hasnt called so I imagine we are over I will miss her like mad but I suppose its time to move on as I dont want to be like a stalker or anything.

Thanks

[nicebutdim23]

would still send some flowers...if u care about this girl she will apreciate it. ive been there, and done that and twas hardest thing ever had to do in my life. please support her...she will need you

[IRN BRU]

I got another text last night she has now decided to keep the baby, I know it may sound selfish but I think she might be playing mind games with me as she still wont speak to me and is supposed to be seeing some scruffy "chav" but while ever she is doing this I cant get on with my life :(

[girl with sharp teeth]

.

[IRN BRU]

To be fair I wasnt messing around with anyone else I am pretty sure she wasnt. But my Dad has already said he will pay for a paternity test when the nipper is born so I will make sure before taking any responsibilty for something that might not be mine. Not harsh I have to face up to the fact that this is a pretty shitty situation and any advice no matter how "harsh" is apreciated.

[nicebutdim23]

its possible she is only going out with this chav to make u jealous.she needs to grow up. alot.

[IRN BRU]

Yeah she aint going out with him anymore now lol, I spoke to her last night and am meeting her tonight to talk it through she is messed up and unsure what she wants so I am gonna try and sort something out tonight hopefully thanx for ya help and I will let you know the outcome!

[nicebutdim23]

what do u want? do u know?

[IRN BRU]

Its a tough one for me, cause I want to get back with her as to be totally honest she is my perfect women and the main problem was the 6 year age gap but once we got over that everything was fine untill all this lol. I actually like the fact that she is a challenge she is a very good looking girl and I new I would have trouble trying to keep other lads away even my so called mates hit on her and flirt with her. But regarding the Baby I dont know cause as I said I dont really believe in abortion but I also dont think it would be fair to bring a child into the world until me and my ex/girlfriend are ready its a difficult one but tonight I put my cards on the table. I want to be with her but not sure if I am ready to be a Dad, then let her tell me how she feels about being a Mum etc.

[nicebutdim23]

i doubt very much she is ready to be a mum from your post, but if shes decided to keep the baby then hopefully u will see a change in her attitude for the better.she will probably grow up significantly, u have to to be a mum.if u do get back together , be prepared for this- she may end up not being the person u fell in love with.she may become a much more mature and nicer one. whatever she decides u need to be supportive all the way.

[IRN BRU]

Oh I will be very supportive I am like that, and your right she might change but I am sure I will still love her as no matter what she has done I have always forgiven her and vice versa, when I am with her it feels right and I suppose there is only one way to find out whether it can work or not and that is to try it. I dont want to wake up in 5 maybe 10 years and think what if? Will have to chat tonight and see what pans out I ca tell you though I am a lot happier now than what I was last week :)

[nicebutdim23]

thats good then. hope it goes ok. dont forget to let us know!

[IRN BRU]

Cheers chuck will let ya know :)

[Fish_food]

it's good that you've talked things through...

I'm thinking if she does want to keep the baby then she will be forced to grow up whether she wants to or not!

good luck

[IRN BRU]

Thanks everyone. I spoke to her last night and she does seem to have grown up alot in the last 3 weeks she still isnt sure what she wants and is booked in for an abortion 01/02 so she has till then to decide we had a good chat but not back together as of yet as we both decided to take things slowly and see how they pan out.

[nicebutdim23]

is she actually having the abortion or is it counselling? you have to be recommended by two different drs for abortion. what stage is she at? is she having a medical or surgical?
has she said anything about keeping it?

[IRN BRU]

She would be having the operation as its 10 weeks so many days she said on Monday that she had already made her mind up what she was doing and needed to convince her Mum, she is now living with a friend in a different town as she couldnt handle the arguments with her mum.

[nicebutdim23]

definately not interested in keeping it then.

does she want to get back together?

[IRN BRU]

To be honest I aint sure she keeps emailing and texting me and asking me to meet with her, the problem is I am under a very busy schedule at work doing urgent reports etc and will prob be at the office till 8pm for the rest of the week so it sounds like I am making excuses not to see her. She is in another town now anyway and I have no idea where I do still like her and think she likes me but we where like this at first we both liked each other but found it difficult to tell each other and just flirted constantly ;) Problem is I am too old for games like this lol should really be acting my age!