Bored of Relationships?

[AndyW]

Hmm...strange one this.
I've had long relationships before - long for me being over 12/18 months and am currently in a really good one and everything's pretty perfect to be honest. She's not my first love but I don't think I've ever loved anyone more. We live together and that's fine, have good sex and all that and there's nothing actually bad about the relationship.

However, I sometimes feel as though I'm getting a bit bored of being in a relationship and kind of want for the blokey nights out and just the thought of being single again seems good, from a freedom point of view. I'm not a bad looking bloke and do get other offers, although obviously I'd never mess about with another girl while I'm attached. But the thought of having some fun while I'm young (almost 22) is appealing.
But if I did go single again I'd more than likely regret it and at some point wish that I hadn't bothered ending it at all.
I realise it's pretty damn selfish and we always talk about things like this - although not this direct. Just last night we were saying how unlikely it would be for us now (at 21 and 19) to be together forever and I also don't want her to miss out on having fun whilst she's still young, although she's not too keen on all of that anyway.

Hmm...said it was a strange one. Is this like the seedlings of a break up or just the classic case of wanting what you haven't got (grass/greener etc)?

[Blah]

are you IN love with her rather than just loving her

and can you imagine life without her?

[morrocan roll]

. Is this like the seedlings of a break up or just the classic case of wanting what you haven't got (grass/greener etc)?
a break up when everythings perfect!
it's obviously far from perfect.
the problem i think lies in your selfishness.
when you truly love someone ...you are thinking of them not you.
your thinking of you.
it may be a passing longing for the fun of singledom ...how come your lacking that fun as a twosome?

[lucifer devil]

the problem i think lies in your selfishness.

no i don't think it's fair to assume he's being selfish.

he's a young lad, it may well be the same for anyone in a long term relationship at a young age. they always think what would it be like if i was single, what am i missing out on? when you're young you want to have a good time, maybe it's more so for lads 'cause they wanna go out on the piss etc etc and do what lads do.

however, if you're truely happy with your missus then why are you thinking about the single life? from what you've said, you're happy as you are pretty much but you have to think, is there an underlying problem about your relationship or are you just feeling a little bored?

have you ever had any times of being single and going out and having fun? 'cause you can still go out and have fun when you're in a relationship y'know.

[morrocan roll]

no i don't think it's fair to assume he's being selfish.

he's a young lad, it may well be the same for anyone in a long term relationship at a young age. they always think what would it be like if i was single, what am i missing out on? when you're young you want to have a good time, maybe it's more so for lads 'cause they wanna go out on the piss etc etc and do what lads do.

however, if you're truely happy with your missus then why are you thinking about the single life? from what you've said, you're happy as you are pretty much but you have to think, is there an underlying problem about your relationship or are you just feeling a little bored?

have you ever had any times of being single and going out and having fun? 'cause you can still go out and have fun when you're in a relationship y'know.
like i said ...thinking first of self ...

[lucifer devil]

like i said ...thinking first of self ...

right and he's not thinking of his gf here, is he?

he's only thinking about what it's like on the otherside, we all do it. though it seems you don't.

[morrocan roll]

right and he's not thinking of his gf here, is he?

he's only thinking about what it's like on the otherside, we all do it. though it seems you don't.
not true ...he's thinking of it enough to make a thread about it ...seeking views.
i am giving him my view.
he says all is well ...perfect relationship.
i'm trying to wake him up to the imperfections of his perfect relationship ...his words.
theres nowt wrong with her so ...it must be with him.
if it's him ...then what is it?
my answer is he is thinking selfishly.
if this relationship is so good but he has to make a post about it being boring ...then what other conclusion can i come to than ...he's thinking of self and not ...US?
he is bored with what most people are dreaming of ...the perfect relationship.
which says to me ...the imperfection is in him.
which to me is self.
which translates as self ...ish.
maybe he isn'nt ready for love.
maybe he has no idea about commitment.
maybe fun is more important than love.
why is fun missing when it's a couple who supposedly love each other?
let the man himself read our replys before you start defending his position.

[dantheman]

Andy mate I'm the same situation as you I guess, I don't want to wake up when I'm in my late 20's and having had only one proper relationship, I'm more interested in my career than carving out a serious relationship at this point in my life yet think I may regret it if I split up with my g/f in the near future.

[lucifer devil]

Andy mate I'm the same situation as you I guess, I don't want to wake up when I'm in my late 20's and having had only one proper relationship, I'm more interested in my career than carving out a serious relationship at this point in my life yet think I may regret it if I split up with my g/f in the near future.

Yeh I knew a lad who was in what he now says was a great relationship - he thought he was missing out, grass was greener etc so he finished it. Now he regrets it.

[AndyW]

Thanks for the above posts.
I could quite easily carry on in this relationship and I'm not doubting for one minute that this is to do with me being selfish - or at least wanting something that I haven't got.
By perfect, I mean she is/has everything that I want from a girlfriend. But that's not the problem here, the problem is whether I want to be in a relationship and spend all my life with one person. I don't want to end up being married to someone I can't stand anymore after like 30 years of marriage.

I'm fine career-wise, I don't need to think about that as I have it all sorted - and this sounds a bigger issue than what it probably is, but I know some people (as above) have good opinions and advice on here so thought I'd ask for some.

It's just a headache - I love Hannah and am in love with her, i enjoy being with her and we're great together. But I still sometimes have the urge to enjoy myself while I'm still young - let's face it, most people are more attractive at 21 than they are at, say, 35 - and I sometimes want to enjoy this and just enjoy my life as a single man. It's not about shagging around etc, I've done the single-blokey-thing before and massively enjoyed it, but sometimes you get lonely and then it's the opposite situation to now. The worst situation is that I start feeling this more and I start to treat my girlfriend not as well (not intentionally) and then I think I'd have to think about it hard and long about it as I'd obviously not want to hurt her.

Hard to explain to be honest, I suppose I enjoy my own company sometimes.
Selfish yes, and I feel shit about that but I suspect it's something a lot of people feel when in relationships. However, in this case I suspect it's a phase that will pass...certainly hope so for the sake of a good relationship.

[fairy dust]

I've been in this exact same situation - I'd been with my boyfriend for 3 years, everything was fine and I loved him but because I'd been with him since I was 15 I kept thinkinng I wanted to go out and have fun while I am young, attractive, no committments etc. I go out with my mates every weekend and always seemed to get offers from men and always wondered what it would be like to be single. I think it made matters worse that all my mates were single at the time and I felt like I was missing out........I didn't even wana begin to think about marriage, children etc so why was I in a long-term relationship?? So I ended it......for a while it was good I was free to do whatever I wnated. However these men that I met couldn't compare to my boyfriend who was really everything I wanted. I ended up feeling quite lonely and disappointed by this "great" single life and ended getting back with my boyfriend and couldn't be happier. Maybe it did take a break and "single" life to prove to myself how much I wanted to be with him. It is totally as case of you want what you can't have/the grass is greener etc. But then again I wouldn't regret my actions apart from the fact that I know I hurt my bf in the process. But it's what I needed to do. My advice is to not think about the future - marriage etc, if your happy now dnt ruin it - if you not 100% content then do something about it, maybe only then what you really want will be clear! :love:

[morrocan roll]

Thanks for the above posts.
I could quite easily carry on in this relationship and I'm not doubting for one minute that this is to do with me being selfish - or at least wanting something that I haven't got.
By perfect, I mean she is/has everything that I want from a girlfriend. But that's not the problem here, the problem is whether I want to be in a relationship and spend all my life with one person. I don't want to end up being married to someone I can't stand anymore after like 30 years of marriage.

I'm fine career-wise, I don't need to think about that as I have it all sorted - and this sounds a bigger issue than what it probably is, but I know some people (as above) have good opinions and advice on here so thought I'd ask for some.

It's just a headache - I love Hannah and am in love with her, i enjoy being with her and we're great together. But I still sometimes have the urge to enjoy myself while I'm still young - let's face it, most people are more attractive at 21 than they are at, say, 35 - and I sometimes want to enjoy this and just enjoy my life as a single man. It's not about shagging around etc, I've done the single-blokey-thing before and massively enjoyed it, but sometimes you get lonely and then it's the opposite situation to now. The worst situation is that I start feeling this more and I start to treat my girlfriend not as well (not intentionally) and then I think I'd have to think about it hard and long about it as I'd obviously not want to hurt her.

Hard to explain to be honest, I suppose I enjoy my own company sometimes.
Selfish yes, and I feel shit about that but I suspect it's something a lot of people feel when in relationships. However, in this case I suspect it's a phase that will pass...certainly hope so for the sake of a good relationship.
andy ...you sound mixed up and unsure of much stuff at the moment.
you sound like a well together person though. glad you didn't take my use of the word selfish in the wrong way.
can you be this honest with her? without hurting her.
can you not then go on to create some individual space for yourself?
some time out doing your own thing. you may be thinking about the long term ...the future ...a little to much.
made me laugh the bit about people not being as attractive at thirty ...wait till your thiry mate and then decide on that!
when most blokes reach thirty ...young women may well look physicaly and sexualy attractive but believe me ...most older blokes wouldn't want to live with a teenage girl ...very unatractive proposition indeed!
you will have changed so much in your ideas about happiness fun love etc.
a lot of stuff that is fun and attractive when your young rings hollow when your older ...it happens to us all.
believe me ...i'm an old bastard.
a fit healthy and very active old bastard.
but simple things like clubbing ...that were so much fun ...even important to me ...have faded away as being boring and pointless.
i hope you resolve your dilemas satisfactorily.

[briggi]

or just the classic case of wanting what you haven't got (grass/greener etc)?

The short answer is yes.

However, that's not necessarily a bad thing. If you'd be happier enjoying the wild nights out, no responsibility or anything like that, but the odd pang of wishing you had a relationship, then maybe it's for the best that you're single. If you're happy with most of your relationship, and just have the odd desire to go out with the lads or spend time apart from your girlfriend, then I think you should stick with it...if that makes sense :chin:

Everyone in a relationship has times when they wonder about what they could be missing out in the world of singledom, or at least most people do. I know my boyfriend and I have split up twice for this exact reason, and often it takes a bit of space to get that perspective and realise that you do want a relationship and that you do want it with this particular person.

I'm sure the temptation is strong to go out and "sow your wild oats" or whatever you want to call it, and that's all well and good because you are young and have no responsibilities that you can't offload (i.e. kids). However, once you've been and done that I'm sure this girl isn't going to still be hanging around waiting for you. So you need to evaluate whether your girlfriend is someone you see yourself with at least in the medium-term future, because if she's not and you break up a year or two down the line you'll end up resenting the time you lost between now and then...when you had an inkling that things weren't right for you, but you did sweet fuck all about it ;)

I realise that I'm waffling on with no real point now, I suppose that's because there's not a lot I can add to what others have said and what I'm sure you already know anyway. This has to be your decision; be honest with yourself and be honest with your girlfriend, whatever you decide!! Good luck mate :)

[Kazbo]

Hey chucky,

You know what I trhink already in a lot of ways and if ya ever wanna chat properly about it feel free to call me or whatever.

But a few extra pointers....
1) Blokes aint better looking younger...get to about 30 and blokes are far far more appealing...damn most of them having kids though...hmmm
2) If a rel's right you don't get bored, boredom does come from underlying problems
3) You are still young so whatever you do won't be the end of the world plenty of life left.
and on the otherside...
4) YOu both have a lot of growing up to do (No offence hun) which will change you both and maybe come between you naturally anyway or might bring you closer together.

But I wouldn't call you selfish. We all have wants ad needs. If you aren't happy you can never give 100% to another person, but you need to decide which is fairer in the long run.