Should I give him the benefit of the doubt AGAIN!

[Cuddilicious]

Maybe a simple answer to this question but I need someone to tell me the truth here.

I got together with guy before christmas. Just a fresh relationship and he had to go to Australia over xmas and new year. He does that every year.

He came back last week, one minute he was happy to speak to me on msn, next he turned funny on me. Refused to speak to me for a few days. He even told he wanted to end it, which it did for like a day :-/
When he started speakin to me, he apoligised, said he has been having some serious problems, that he has been trying to deal with from his past. I give himt he benefit of the doubt and decided to forgive as he was very apoligitic. Thinking that was it. GOD KNOW!!!

A week later, here again. No idea what's wrong with him. He was fine last night and no all of a sudden he's ignoring all my text messages (He does have money in his phone) and is refusing to come online to chat.

I am going insane here. He says he cares for me deeply but how can he if he keeps shutting me out like this. I told him, all he had to do was let me know when he wanted to be left alone, as I don't want to pressure him into thinking he should tell me what happened in his past that is obviously bothering him alot.

I just sent him a text. Like the 5th one today. Saying that, I love him but he cannot continue shutting me out like this and if he doesn't make the effort to even to reply to this text, then there's no point continuing this relationship. Guess what?! No Reply.

Should I be taking a hint that there is no hope in this relationship, what-so-ever?!

[SuzyCreamcheese]

yeah, basically.
http://home.grandecom.net/~mharnett/cuddle.gif

[Bri-namite]

Well, there's something up.

Has he told you anything about these "problems from the past"?

One things for sure, he's going to have to open up about them if there's going to be any future. He's no right ignoring you and thinking he can pick up up whenever he feels like it.

Good on you for not putting up with it though. Make sure it gets sorted one way or another though, because otherwise there's a danger of it happening again and again and again.

Hope things work out OK

[Man Of Kent]

I don't usually come into this forum, but I'm bored today.

My opinion, dump the guy. He's obviously got little in the way of respect for you, so why bother yourself over him.

What I would say though is be careful about the number of texts, e-mail etc you send. You don't want to come across as needy because blokes will run a mile. Give him a little space now, if he's interested he will contact you within a few days...

[Olive]

Give him a little space now, if he's interested he will contact you within a few days...

and then you can tell him to chuff off :thumb:

i would.

[Man Of Kent]

Sounds like the basis for a plan...

[Cuddilicious]

Well, there's something up.

Has he told you anything about these "problems from the past"?

One things for sure, he's going to have to open up about them if there's going to be any future. He's no right ignoring you and thinking he can pick up up whenever he feels like it.

Good on you for not putting up with it though. Make sure it gets sorted one way or another though, because otherwise there's a danger of it happening again and again and again.

Hope things work out OK

He says he aint ready to talk about the past, but I'm assuming it's pretty serious as he said he has tried the whole counsilling thing.

But OMG, there is only soo much I can take. I mean, we've only been with each other properly for just a week. A week!! And I'm already distraught over it.

I am at the moment, saving all my mobile numbers on to the computer, as new phone will be delivered on Wednesday. So the sim card I have now, is heading for the bin. As I know I will not have the courage to tell him were to go, IF he was to apoligise later on.

So don't worry about the whole needy part MOK.

I really tried to make an exception for this guy, as he can be unbelievably sweet and understanding. But no, this can't continue. He cannot continue to use me when he feels like and when he can't arsed, get away with just ignoring me.

[Orioninaspin]

i think in the end it all comes down to how much you think this guy is worth and is he worth all the stress and strain that he is putting on to you. Fair enough youve only known him for a week but some people know that they are meant to be together forever after a few days so times not really a factor here. What does your gut tell you about him, is he worth it?
One things for sure he is being very unfair on you at the moment and if he has a lot of baggage that he isnt ready to share was it fair to put himself into a relationship in the first place? If he isnt ready to talk then ask him when he is but if he doesnt know and your not sure about him then i think its not looking good, good luck...

[melanie]

has it only been today that he has been like this? ( i have read the post i ment this time)

because if it is could it not be that he has gone out without his fone? the battery has died ect ect?

[Cuddilicious]

What does your gut tell you about him, is he worth it?

I wanna be with him. I even told him that but said that he also needs to start talking to me or else there is no point continuing this relationship. From that he said 'Fine, I'll leave ya'

There's not much else I can do now.

Mel-H: Hey, his phone was on as he said he did get my messages but he just didn't have any money in his phone to reply. Though he used that excuse the last time. I asked why he couldn't get online when I asked him to, to talk and he just said he is not int he mood for this. That's when I have decided I've had enough.

He actually came online today, and messages me saying, 'Are you just going to blank me out from now on... that's fine'

I mean, it's him that's cutting me out. Just cause I aint crawling to him this time. He's trying to himself out to be the victim in the relationship. I asked him not to be cheeky to me, as I was trying me best to be nice to him, but he just told me not to bother. I went offline by that point and haven't spoken to him since.

[briggi]

To be honest it sounds like he's treating you shabbily, and if life was black and white then I'd say you should get shot of him.

However, since it's not like that, I say you give him the opportunity to explain. It's possible that since you've only been together for a very short period of time, he isn't taking it as seriously as you are...and genuinely doesn't think there'd be a problem with being a complete and utter fuckwit :p

That said, don't make exceptions for him. If he can't be adult and communicate with you, then where's the relationship. You deserve someone who'll treat ya well, not someone who's already got you stressing about the relationship after such a short time.

Hope you get it sorted :)

Edited 'cos I didn't see your last post. This sounds like a bit of a headfuck, although it sounds like it might not only be you who's not sure where this is going and all that. If he can't even talk to you on messenger without being petulant I'd be a bit concerned though, sounds like he's got a bit of growing up to do, although I'm hardly qualified to say that..not even knowing him.

As always, follow your instincts.

[Cuddilicious]

Even though it's only been a week or so were we have been with each properly, I should have mentioned that I have work with him for a few months before that were we gained a friendship. He even told a mate of mine from work, that he was falling for me. So I pretty much assumed we both were serious about this relationship.

I mean, he always use to tell me, when I had problems to talk to him. Which I have. I have told him some very personal stuff about me and my past. That's why Ive been asking him to talk to me, as he made me do the same with him.

I wanna give him a chance s I do really care for him, but he is not making it any easier for me.

He hasn't got my new number and he has deleted me from his msn list. So that was the only contact we have had with each. So I've a feeling that's it now :-/

[SuzyCreamcheese]

sounds like youre well rid. :yes:

[blue84]

To be completely honest I think that in a new relationship such as this...if you're experiencing this much hassle and heartache already it is likely to escalate.

Is it worth it? Is he worth it?

Based on the way he has treated you now and in the past, I think you know the answer to that...

[Cuddilicious]

Part of me says yes, he is worth it - Then another part of me dreads this won't be the last time I have to put up with this if we continued the relationship.

Sooo.... I guessing it's definte no-go :-/

Cheers for your advice anyways.
Xxx

[lucifer devil]

Sorry it looks like it hasn't worked out, hope you're ok.