Your Boyfriends Favourites....

[SuicideBlonde]

Just to wind up my boyf, I went on his PC (while he was there, I wasnt snooping) and looked as his favourites. I'd noticed before he had a folder called TEENS. I assumed this was porn, obviously. I don't have a problem with this, and I was teasing him my looking at it and taking the general piss.

Although, later on, it was brought up again, and I got extremely agitated about it, as I'm insecure about my own body, and these girls all had perfect size 10 figures. Anywhoos, being PMT'd up to the eyeballs and all, I rolled over, started to cry, went downstairs and cut myself because I just went back to being 16 years old again where I feel shit, insecure, then feel stupid about it, and feel like I need to be punished. Yes, stupid thing to do, but hey.

My question is, does anyone else say they dont care about girly mags and porn but then get really wound up by it? Its not that hes looking at other girls, cos I know everyone does it, I look at other men, but at the same time, it eats me up inside.

[Blah]

so your not a size 10...doesnt mean he doesnt fancy you as much

men can like bigger sizes and smaller sizes too, they dont just have one preference

i dont agree with porn, but dont get stressed about the size thing

[X_Addictive_X]

i used to have a real problem with it, but my guy is honestly not into it, he wont watch it when it comes on t.v, theres none on his computer (trust me ive checked!) and theres nothing in his room. for starters his mum and sister and real feminists and have steared him away from it.
but in your situation, i wouldnt let it get to you, he may look at size 10 girls, but that doesn't mean that he wants to spend his life with a size 10. im not a size 10, im about 12/14 and i once confronted my guy about why he'd want someone my size and he said that, yeh fair enough he could date a thin girl, but he wouldn't want to marry and have children with someone that like, i dunno... i guess everyones different, but honestly try not to let it worry you. and the cutting things a rly hard thing to get out of, so try not to do it so much, i used to and it took me absolutely ages to stop.
i hope this kinda helps, and int just me going on to myself :blush:

[x .beepbeep.]

what type of feminists are they?

Its quite a contradiction in terms that whole things, but never the less. :)

[x .beepbeep.]

Also, thin doesnt mean sexy. Its just thin. My girl used to worry incase i thought she was too small and i would prefer a larger girl.

so there.

[SuicideBlonde]

I know, but it just makes you think. The women he looks at are slender and curvy. I'm wobbly and ridden with cellulite. I've really tried not to let it bother me, but it does.

[X_Addictive_X]

i no this sounds really typical but, its whats on the inside that counts. its the old 'ugly but amazing personality VS gorgeous but a plank' saga. i get like that somtimes, worrying that he could do so much better than me and when people see us out together u can see the girls looking at him, but he says lads look at me just as much, cos it makes him jealous.
but seriously, talk to him about it... he'll start to compliment you more and that'll make u feel better about yourself, i know it does me :)

[Kermit]

I know, but it just makes you think. The women he looks at are slender and curvy. I'm wobbly and ridden with cellulite. I've really tried not to let it bother me, but it does.
Yep, and they've been airbrushed pet.

So he's looking at slim girls? Big deal, what's he going to do, go and bang a porn model?

He's with you, so try not to be so wound up about it.

[AlmightyBob]

Its the old reply of "so what he looks at those girls...he's obviously with you not them, so you must be better in his opinion" that seems apropriate here.

Peace

[JsT]

The frog speaks the truth.

[malteser monkay]

Bit weary of him seeing strippers...think he's scared of porno...bless him...my ex used to tell me I was TOO thin...I'm a size 10!? And that my boobs weren't big enough...and my hair should be crinkly instead of straight...and that my eyes should be a pure blue instead of a blend of blue and green...my ex was an idiot...after telling me I was too thin he'd say my female friends (sizes 12 and 14) looked dumpy and chubby...so I have issues...about whether I'm too thin, see an ounce more weight put on and I worry I'll look dumpy...my current bf says I'm perfect...aw...he's a keeper...till he starts saying any of the the above stuff that my ex used to say...then he can go...:yes:

Malt xxx :D

[bazza20nottm]

I'm not nasty or anything like that and I'm not a fan of big big girls/lady's at all, but to me size 10 isn't that bigger deal I don't think. I like a girl with a bit of meat on, stick thin girls like the ones usually in porn aren't that attractive (in terms of bodies). I think its just the attraction to porn and the girls on there, I would very much doubt its a reflection on you!

(if the above makes sense)

[lucifer devil]

tbh porn wouldn't bother me aslong as he didn't expect me to get off on it.

aslong as he didn't neglect me or lie about it. =\

i shouldn't let it get you down, have you spoken to him and told him it bothers you so much?? men are visual little creatures, and lots of them like watching porn - but you have to remember he's just male, and is doing what men do. and, afterall, it's you he's with not some bird out of a porno.

[joshmeister]

A man needs to be with himself sometimes ;)

[SuicideBlonde]

See porn is fine, not a problem to watch it together if I'm in the mood. But, all that bothers me is given the choice, if it was put in front of him, me, or this Canadian 18 year old slapper who poses dripping in babyoil and a non-existant bikini - which would he choose?

But anyway, no it doesnt matter, hes with me, not them (although he hasnt got the choice to be with them :P), he likes me as I am blahblahblah. Doesnt stop the fooking paranoia though does it? GRRR!

[blue84]

Hi

Just to let you know that i too had a real problem with it when i was with my ex, and its not the looking at it that bothered me, as you say. I can't really pin point what it was just a flood of emotions about not being who he adores or that insecure feeling of maybe that is what he prefers.

And as for the size thing...I am a size 10 and was even when my boyfriend used to look at porn...I had no understanding of why he wanted to look at it at all.

I think regardless of what size you are it's natural to feel insecure in this situation. But the real thing to do is not to let it eat up inside of you. You need to rise above it because if you dont the same will eventually happen to you as happened to me. It will become so big a deal to you that it causes arguements left right and centre. If that happens your man will eventually feel like he's being 'persecuated' for no good reason and rebl by doing it on purpise because he doesnt want to be controlled.

Please blonde try to rise above it for the sake of your relationship and for yourself. You deserve more than to feel worthless and you don't deserve to feel as though you should be punished for feeling insecure.

At least try and have a civil conversation with him...say for curiosity's sake, not one that is likely to end in tears or a heated arguement, and just ask him what he finds appealing about the porn that he looks at? His response should help to ease your mind.

I hope that helps you

[SuicideBlonde]

Hi



At least try and have a civil conversation with him...say for curiosity's sake, not one that is likely to end in tears or a heated arguement, and just ask him what he finds appealing about the porn that he looks at? His response should help to ease your mind.

I hope that helps you

Thats cool Blue, thanks :)

We did have a conversation about it, the day after. I said I was sorry for getting stupid over it and I just explained to him that its because Im so insecure about myself. He told me I was beautiful/perfect and that he loved me, and that he doesnt look at those sites very often anyway and that they're nothing compared to me. But you know when it all goes in one ear and out the other? Bless him for trying, but it didnt make me feel better. I just thought he was saying it to make me feel good. It did make me feel slightly better, but I was in a slump anyway because my period was due, hence super super depressing feelings spurting out all over the place.

To be quite honest, I suppose its lucky, as the 'porn' he was looking at was just girls, dressed in things like school uniforms, bikinis, you know, amateur stuff...and not porn-whores with their legs wide open and flanges on show etc. But thats why I feel more threatened. The fact that these girls are real. They showed no signs of plastic surgery, their faces weren't exactly supermodel like, but they just looked like 'girls next door'.

[_Hermione_]

hiya hun...
my bf has porn on dvd and on my pc, and i watch it with him. Not offten mind you!
I know nik wouldnt be with me if he wanted a orn star lookie-likie.
So dont stress pet, most guys just watch it because its a "guy thing" .

Sarah xx

[Kermit]

See porn is fine, not a problem to watch it together if I'm in the mood. But, all that bothers me is given the choice, if it was put in front of him, me, or this Canadian 18 year old slapper who poses dripping in babyoil and a non-existant bikini - which would he choose?

But anyway, no it doesnt matter, hes with me, not them (although he hasnt got the choice to be with them :P), he likes me as I am blahblahblah. Doesnt stop the fooking paranoia though does it? GRRR!
He'd probably choose you.

[Carolina]

I really wouldn't worry too much over it. Just cos a lass is thin and fills a bikini well it doesn't mean that every bloke who looks at her picture is going to want a replica of her. I get paranoid sometimes about how i don't fit to the ideal model look but then realise i'm never going to and that there's enough porn star lookalikes wandering round that if he wanted to be with them he could be. Intelligence and humour can be wonderful things. :) I used to get an ex telling me the same as MM that i was too slim, didn't have enough boobs etc. so i can assure you that being a size 8 ain't all it's cracked up to be. You soon realise though that the person who wants to be with you sees the whole you and appreciates the inside more than the outside. <--- que cheesy line :yes:

[briggi]

My word, a fella's taste in porn can be as far removed from his real-life tastes and preferences as can be. That's the way my boyfriend is, unless he's keeping a lot of secrets ;)

When we watch TV and films together he usually makes comments about these tall brunette types when I'm pretty far removed from either of those things. As for the mags and films he watches, well I assume he gets the ones he does because I'm pretty tame in bed. I wouldn't call myself prudish but he's got absolutely no chance of getting me to do half the stuff that goes on in those daft films :lol:

So that said, I always considered porn to be blokes living vicariously, although that could just be mine. They're also just a bit of fun, in most circumstances anyway. It genuinely doesn't bother me, and I wouldn't even dream of comparing myself to the women in these pornos because I'm an responsive, loving, caring girlfriend (who occasionally gets naked) and he's damn lucky to have me :D I advise you to think the same, because no porn film/mag/internet site is going to cuddle up to your boyfriend in bed, or put up with his stinking feet etc etc.

[Replicant]

this is why it's always always a bad idea to let your gf anywhere near your pc :yes:

porn is in no way a substitute for, or anywhere near in the slightest like having a gf! (obviously)
although with the problems alot of girl unfortunately have with their personaly body images, I can understand how it could be upsetting to find your bf looking at porn.

it's all a self security issue, and you just need to reassure yourself that infact, after all, you are the only girl for your guy :thumb:

[SuicideBlonde]

I know I know, its like, WAKE UP, deal with it and get on with it.

It all adds up to the fact that Ive been insecure most of my teenage years, I want to lose weight, Im not happy with myself, if he looks at these women how can he find ME attractive etc etc etc.

He is damn lucky to have me, cos Im nothing like his ex, and Im pretty understanding in most respects.

I flip from being ultra confident super girly to insecure weepy pathetic girly and its all down to women stuff.

[SuicideBlonde]

He'd probably choose you.


But why?

[Replicant]

I flip from being ultra confident super girly to insecure weepy pathetic girly and its all down to women stuff.

from my experiences thus far in life, this is just what girls do... it seems to be an intrinsic part of being female, crazy things...

your man loves you, and I know for a fact that there's no much he can do to improve your self confidence (as I have found with my gf when she gets down, and I'm sure alot of other guys have found).

just always remember, when you're feeling low, your guy wants you, loves you, needs you, and most certainly your self body image is likely to be distorted beyond that which mere men can understand :confused:

I think this probably applies to most girls when i say, you are more beautiful than you think!

silly crazy creatures that you are :)

[SuicideBlonde]

from my experiences thus far in life, this is just what girls do... it seems to be an intrinsic part of being female, crazy things...



silly crazy creatures that you are :)

Why were we made this way?! Is it some kind of torture or punishment?

Its simply not fair. *growls* :impissed:

[paperBprincess]

it's porn, it's a fantasy, it's not real.

the only time you should get worried is if he starts sleeping with one of those girls.

and just for the record. i'm a size 6 and i have all the same insecurities - what if he prefers someone with bigger boobs or whose hips dont stick out or who you can't see their ribs all the time.

being skinny does not make you instantly beautiful.

[Olive]

if boys were only ever attracted to porn star-esque girls, 99% of the female population would never get boyfriends.

[Replicant]

Why were we made this way?! Is it some kind of torture or punishment?
atleast you can multi-task :yes: ;)

[lucifer devil]

from my experiences thus far in life, this is just what girls do... it seems to be an intrinsic part of being female, crazy things...

your man loves you, and I know for a fact that there's no much he can do to improve your self confidence (as I have found with my gf when she gets down, and I'm sure alot of other guys have found).

just always remember, when you're feeling low, your guy wants you, loves you, needs you, and most certainly your self body image is likely to be distorted beyond that which mere men can understand :confused:

I think this probably applies to most girls when i say, you are more beautiful than you think!

silly crazy creatures that you are :)


that's a nice post. :yes:

[Replicant]

that's a nice post. :yes:

:blush:

[SuicideBlonde]

atleast you can multi-task :yes: ;)

Sometimes! ;)

[SuicideBlonde]

being skinny does not make you instantly beautiful.

But theres skinny and theres slim/slender/etc.

Someone can have a flat tummy, shapely thighs and bum and be slim. This is what I want. This is what my boyfriend looks at.

[Olive]

Someone can have a flat tummy, shapely thighs and bum and be slim. This is what I want. This is what my boyfriend looks at.

my boyfriend likes looking at oriental ladies.

i'm not oriental, and i'm never going to be, no matter what i do. i don't even look vaguely oriental.

and yet he's with me. what does that tell you?

[Replicant]

and yet he's with me. what does that tell you?


he's in luuuurve :love:

[SuicideBlonde]

my boyfriend likes looking at oriental ladies.

i'm not oriental, and i'm never going to be, no matter what i do. i don't even look vaguely oriental.

and yet he's with me. what does that tell you?

I see your point. I do.

I'm going to become a gym bunny. THAT IS THE ANSWER.

[miss-behaving]

I'm not a stick figure (AT ALL), and my boyfriend's gorgeous and has a great figure and all, and he does like thinner women, but he loves me for what I am - tummy and all, and he's never made me feel insecure about myself, so I guess I'm very lucky!

He does like to watch porn every now and then, most guys do I think! I used to get upset about it and insecure about myself because yes, all the women seem to have 10 figures! Now what we do is watch it together - and it no longer bothers me - but that's because he's made me feel good about myself and is very supportive. It's all about how he makes you feel - not about porn or magazines or any "things that most guys like to do" :) I don't think it actually means anything to them - it's just in their nature (most of them). Don't take it personally, and if it bothers you then try to talk to him about it. Good luck - and please don't feel bad about yourself! Stop cutting yourself - NOBODY is worth doing that to yourself luv.

[freak]

My question is, does anyone else say they dont care about girly mags and porn but then get really wound up by it? Its not that hes looking at other girls, cos I know everyone does it, I look at other men, but at the same time, it eats me up inside.

yep yep yep. don't mind the porn but i'm stupidly bothered about myself. its a silly comination. you dont care one minute+the next u feel really crap compared to these ideal women :(