should i be bothered?

[Sparklie]

I hate starting new topics...never know what to put. anyway...

I go to college with my ex-boyfriend, he's on the same course as me. We split up at the end of August after a couple of months cos we didn't have time to see each other much (now I see him every day at college but it's not the same really). We also got together breifly a couple of months ago but it didn't work out as we still didn't have time to see each other.

Anyway now I have a lovely boyfriend and I'm not bothered about who my ex dates or what he does...until now. He's decided to start flirting with one of my best mates (also at college with me) and she likes him too. They were out together at the weekend and shared a kiss or three and now she's asked me what i would think about them starting to see each other.

Now firstly I'm pissed off that he didn't have time for a girlfriend when it was with me but now he does with her and secondly I'm pissed off cos I have a feeling that he's using her to make me feel jealous. It just seems a bit funny that a few days after he finds out that I have a boyfriend he starts getting friendly with my best mate.

Do i have any right to be feeling like this? Should I be more bothered (I warned her off him but told her that I wouldn't mind if she did go out with him)? Am I wrong in thinking that he's just using her?

[Miffy]

Originally posted by xXxHelzxXx
Now firstly I'm pissed off that he didn't have time for a girlfriend when it was with me but now he does with her and secondly I'm pissed off cos I have a feeling that he's using her to make me feel jealous. It just seems a bit funny that a few days after he finds out that I have a boyfriend he starts getting friendly with my best mate.

Do i have any right to be feeling like this? Should I be more bothered (I warned her off him but told her that I wouldn't mind if she did go out with him)? Am I wrong in thinking that he's just using her?

I think it's only natural in this situation to wonder why the other person gets more consideration than you. I know I'd be pissed off if my ex husband got a new girlfriend and treated her nice (although that's not likely to happen unless she's blind with no sense of smell). I have absolutely no feelings for him, apart from revulsion and a tinge of pity. But it's just human nature.

Secondly, if he's using her to make you jealous - well that's their problem really, isn't it?!

Thirdly, and finally, it's not wrong to feel the way you do...it's just the way you feel and that's that, but really I'd try and forget about it and get on with your life and it will pass.

[otter]

It's understandable that you feel angry, hurt, jealous and "pissed off" - you are perfectly entitled to feel these things; and given the circumstances, it's entirley natural to be feeling the way that you do. - But, you need to move on.

Your friend has already asked for your approval for the relationship which shows she respects you and cares about your feelings. It's also undestandable you are concerned for your friends welfare in that he could be using your friend to backstab you. So, perhaps it could be a good idea to voice these concerns to your friend.

- However, if they like each other, there isn't really much you can do whatever his motives are. Like Miffy said "it is their problem." and it's up to them to get on with it. Likewise, you need to concentrate on your relationship with your current boyfriend.

[Sparklie]

Otter - I have moved on. I'm perfectly happy with my boyfriend and the fact that he wants to go out with her does not concern me because I'm still stuck on him.

I'm only worrying because she's my friend and I know what he's like. Since I split with him I found out that he did cheat on me while we were together. He's also already caused a huge argument between me and my boyfriend by being a little too friendly with me.

I want to be a good friend by telling her what i think but i'm worried that she'll deem me 'jealous' and think that I just don't want her to go out with him because I already have.

I guess I'll just stay out of it

[Mushroom Boy]

its only fair to feel a bit pissed off, but if youve got a good blokey let them get on with it.

sometimes people click, sometimes they dont. it might be something personal against you, and if it is its his problem, but it might not. sometimes people find time for one person that they wouldnt for another, its human nature. and its why hes an ex.

[swank]

*gone*

[BumbleBee]

I'll admit, in the situation you'ce described I would tell my friend that it would make me uncomfortable her being with him. It does seem that it is making you feel that way or you wouldn't feel the need to have to ask about it. BUT, thats me.

[SuzyCreamcheese]

Originally posted by swank
If this was me, I'd say something like "Go out with him if you like, I just hope he treats you better than me"
if she watns to know more she'll ask.
thats what id do.
You cant really interfere, it will just make you look jealous.
What a nice friend you have to ask whether youd mind before doing anything. i hope he does treat her better.
DOnt rule out the possibility that he and her might actually be better suited than you and he were, and therefore thats why he makes more of an effort with her?