Complicated, Ex bf Giving us problems

[Hellfire]

Basicly, Firstly I am with a new gf, but that doesn't matter, I don't want any comments about it as it's frankly non of your buissness,

But I was hoping if you could help us with a problem,

We've been together for a ickle while, getting on while ect :) so much fun and we get on well. I stayed round hers friday and saturday n most of sunday this weekend and I am going again this weekend,

Basicly her Ex bf is fucking us around, they went out for aweek, she's on rebound, he knew this and says he loves her, he asked her out everyday and she said no, can't hack that she isn;t interested,

We hung out friday, it wasn't so bad, Got a phonecall at 2am, he'd been in a fight with his dad, can we come over, go over he forces a hug,

next day he invites himself over and to cinema, We go to cinema and while waiting he pulls her aside to talk about his "NEW GF" the convo ends up, "if you and Graeme break up is there a chance for us" she turn around, shocked just said "NO" and walked up and hugged me,

We get out of the movie and i go take a leak, Get out of the toilet and she's wearing his coat, he threw it on her because we was cold, while she was sorting out the taxi with her mum on the phone he pulled me aside and said "i'd rather freeze to death than see her get cold" implying I wouldn't lend her my coat. how could I, i was in the toilet, Waiting for a Taxi his mates come up and ask him to come with them, he says no and i turn around and say, "just go mate" implying me and want time alone, which we did, he didn't do this, got in the taxi and came back to hers,

Offered himself round for dinner, While me, my gf and Danny (her lil brother) ate dinner while watiching the simpsons he sat there stearing at her, we asked why he didn't watch tv and he goes "i don't watch Tv" I though fine, whatever, he goes home, me and my gf get some time alone, go to the shop and he'd called twise, she calls him back and he wants to come over for a bit, then invites himself round to stay, Only problem is, no room so he sleeps in my gf's room on the camp bed while me and her are in the other one,

Anyway he arrives at hers, comes in, Gives me the evils and then I asked, "so why are you staying" he doesn't say and i go to say it again but my gf being to kind for her own good shuts me up but he knew what i was gonna say and just looks at my gf when i go to ask, Now since we was sitting there snuggling and cuddling up he just sat there stearing, My gf's mum is now scared of him and so is my gf,

To make things worse, when we are in bed he sat there for 15-20minutes not giving us any peace and just staring at me and my gf, It really annoyed us as it was my last night and we wanted some time alone,

he leaves in the morning thank god, but last night she got a phonecall, it went like this

Ex bf - "Hi How are you? graeme still there?

gf - No,

ex bf - "when he go"

gf - "he went on sunday"

ex bf - oh i'll come see you then.... Chris said it'll never last between you too, I said "i wish"

"my Gf hangs up and calls me"

Basicly he said he'll call her again, and as she has free calls for 1hour she had to hang up and dial my number back, She did this last night and he called her the moment she hung up "obviously set on ring back" she got her brother to answer and he said "have some respect bruv, its late now fuck off shes in bed" she calls me back, im outraged and feel like stabbing this asshole for trying to split us, God it's so annoying and yet I do not know what I can do, my gf cannot answer the phone or door incase it's him. she's scared..

I'll talk to him friday, if it gets worse we might have to call the police

But WHAT CAN I DO.... This is driving me nuts

[Fiend_85]

Dude, you can get him on harrasment charges, that may be a little drastic though. She, and her family, need to make it really clear that he's not welcome, see how he reacts to being told to get lost by her.

[Hellfire]

Well I am round hers on friday, my gf is to scared to tell him to go away by herself so she wants me there, So if i see him friday i will tell him, i would call him but apparently he wouldn't believe me..

[Lickalotapuss]

I think fiend is right, he will need to hear it from her. By the sounds of it you could tell him as many times as you want but he won't accept/believe it until it comes from her.

[Mist]

The guy sounds a bit odd to be honest, if he was only going out with her for a week. He should fuck off, and to be frank, you need to tell him that in no uncertain terms. None of this bollocks about him coming over for dinner and watching tv and staring at you in bed, you're a couple for fuck's sake, not a threesome.

[Hellfire]

Originally posted by Mist
The guy sounds a bit odd to be honest, if he was only going out with her for a week. He should fuck off, and to be frank, you need to tell him that in no uncertain terms. None of this bollocks about him coming over for dinner and watching tv and staring at you in bed, you're a couple for fuck's sake, not a threesome.

i know... we are both annoyed with this shit... hopefully i will sort it out on friday..

[Cute_Baby_Bear]

The guy lives in Aylesbury,.... You've gotta expect him to be a little odd... (not aimed at you renzo if you read this!)

She needs to tell him herself. I doubt the guy will listen if you are there too, as he will prob think you are making her say it.

[Hellfire]

she is to scared to tell her so i am going to have to do it..

anyway thanks duck...:)

[Lickalotapuss]

Originally posted by Hellfire
she is to scared to tell her so i am going to have to do it..

Not trying to be funny buts she's gonna have to grow some balls (not literally) and tell this weirdo where to go. He won't accept it from you because he'll still think she wants him and its only you that wants him to fuck off.

[malteser monkay]

I agree with whats been said above. My friend used to be in a similar position- this bloke was around her house constantly, her family couldn't get rid of him. Best way is to her saying "Don't come around no more, don't call me, don't text me, don't speak to me. We're finished now and you're not welcome here anymore."

You're being too accomadating and I know she's your gf and you want to protect her and help her, but it is her problem in the respect that she is the only one who can properly deal with but if she doesn't stand firm herself and say that he can't just turn up when he wants and that she's with someone new then he'll keep on and on and on.

Good Luck to her!

Malt Munk xx :)

[Whowhere]

Sounds like your girlfriend needs to get some guts mate and tell this guy to fuck off.

"he invited himself round". Bollocks, he came round and your missus didn't have the balls to tell him to get lost.

[swank]

*gone*.

[Hellfire]

Originally posted by swank
I have a feeling things between him and ehr are not as they appaer.

mmm explain.. you think shes playing away

[BumbleBee]

Originally posted by Hellfire

I'll talk to him friday, if it gets worse we might have to call the police


You can hardly call the Police when she hasn't done anything to make it obvious she doesn't want him around. It isn't classed as harrassment if you don't tell the peson their attention isn't wanted!

You both let him go to the cinema with you, you let him get in your taxi and you let him stay the night at her house. If he was really harrassing her she would not let him in the house let alone sleep in the same room.

So, like everyone else has said, make it known to him that his attention isn't wanted.

[Hellfire]

Originally posted by BumbleBee
You can hardly call the Police when she hasn't done anything to make it obvious she doesn't want him around. It isn't classed as harrassment if you don't tell the peson their attention isn't wanted!

You both let him go to the cinema with you, you let him get in your taxi and you let him stay the night at her house. If he was really harrassing her she would not let him in the house let alone sleep in the same room.

So, like everyone else has said, make it known to him that his attention isn't wanted.

thats what i said.. we will tell him he isn't wanted.. and THEN if it gets worse call the police..

[littlemissy]

Originally posted by swank
I must say I think this is odd. I can't see why she didnt lie and tell him he couldnt come round coz of ___ telling him to stopcalling is one thing, telling him your busy is another.
I have a feeling things between him and ehr are not as they appaer.

Gotta agree. It seems a bit strange that she hasn't just told him to fuck off. Even if she is quite shy and not very assertive I think she would've cracked by now. So yes ... something strange here methinks.

[Hellfire]

Well no offence this isn't the discusstion.. but she can't even tell the person who beat her to go away

[lisa simpson's saxophone]

She needs to tell him. I don't agree that things are necessarily 'not as they appear' but she's not exactly telling him to fuck off, is she? I hate it when girls do this - they go on about how they don't like a guy and he's harrassing them and they wish he'd leave them alone, then the guy calls and they get all fake and just give the wrong impression.

Um and also, when you say they went out for a week and 'she's on the rebound' are you saying that you're her rebound guy?! Because that doesn't sound like something you'd want to be. Correct me if I'm wrong.

[Hellfire]

Originally posted by lisa simpson's saxophone
She needs to tell him. I don't agree that things are necessarily 'not as they appear' but she's not exactly telling him to fuck off, is she? I hate it when girls do this - they go on about how they don't like a guy and he's harrassing them and they wish he'd leave them alone, then the guy calls and they get all fake and just give the wrong impression.

Um and also, when you say they went out for a week and 'she's on the rebound' are you saying that you're her rebound guy?! Because that doesn't sound like something you'd want to be. Correct me if I'm wrong.

he was her rebound.. her ex..

[swank]

*gone*

[littlemissy]

Originally posted by Hellfire
Well no offence this isn't the discusstion.. but she can't even tell the person who beat her to go away

It is the discussion in a way as you asked. At least we are still on topic :|

Anyway ... you cannot do anything IMHO. Judy or whatever her name is needs to tell him. He won't give a fuck what you think so I wouldn't even try.

[Mushroom Boy]

Originally posted by Hellfire
and THEN if it gets worse call the police..

gets worse from what?

you love making a three part mini series out of a molehill, dont you?

[lisa simpson's saxophone]

Originally posted by swank
Oh no I don't think that at all, she'd avoid contact at all costs with him when she was near you if that was the case.
I could be off on this, but a little bit of me bleieves she cares about him more than she lets on to you, and a small part of her doesnt want to tell him to go away because she still likes him. Not as much as she ilkes you, but she still likes him and finds him hard to let go.
Just a theory.

I think that's a good theory. Not necessarily the case but totally plausible.

There's also a good quote from somewhere which says 'it's hard to resist someone who finds you irresistable'. Sometimes when you know someone's interested it's hard to say no completely, because a part of you likes the attention.

The situation doesn't sound anywhere near serious enough to call the police. No offence, but I think they'd laugh at her! The police would only get involved if she'd done everything humanly possible to get rid of him. Has she stopped answering his phonecalls? Has she forcefully told him she does not want anything whatsoever to do with him? Or has she got her parents to tell him to leave her alone, or contacted his parents to tell them he's bothering her? If she'd tried several different things and he was still causing her distress then maybe they'd step in but at the moment it sounds like he's just annoying the both of you a hell of a lot. The police aren't there to deal with things which annoy you.

Is this still the 'ISTP' girl?