Sick of everything

[Namaste]

People... family... I'm sick of it all and just want to get away.

Forever I feel like a tool without a use because I'm never good enough... I've always felt like this, like I have to put others before myself because they're much more important than me, or deserve happiness more.

I'm sick of the fact that nothing I ever do will bring my father close to me, I'm sick of always letting my mother and family down for who I am. I'm sick of the fact that I'm not a good enough friend to people and that's why they don't come and see me.

I hate the fact I'm friendly with so many people, but that if I got hurt who'd be there? And I just want to be alone.... I don't associate myself with so many people as 'friends' anymore...

Why am I writing this? I dunno... I guess things have piled up. I never do things to get appreciation or people saying 'thanks'... But I've realised the amount of times I've gone out of my way to help people and haven't had even given me the slightest bit of thanks. I've just been there to listen to their problems and they've never been there to listen to me.

I feel like I let my parents and close family down a lot because of who I am. I'm sorry I'm not perfect, I'm sorry I don't know everything and that I don't have a heart of gold... But maybe my mother accepts me... maybe it's just a problem I have because of my father...

I don't know...

But slowly I'm not caring anymore. Anything I do people won't be happy with me... University... travel... what I wear, my music... my decisions in life and who I decide to like and not like.

I know I'm beautiful because I'm a woman... But that doesn't make me a beautiful woman... Does it.

Woke up feeling sad today.

[melanie]

Aww hun im sorry that you feel like this but believe me by putting yourself first you ca get out of a mind frame like this.

Im sorry that im no help with the family but but with your friends i think that your going to have to try to be a bit more selfish. If you feel that your in a friendship where you are giving to much to the relationship for what you give in return stop giving so much. You dont need to be friends with people that make you feel worthless.

Have you tried explaining to people that your close to how you feel? if things have been this way for a while then they may not realise what they are doing and that they are hurting you?

sorry i couldnt be of more help

[Welsh Jemz]

listen to mel-h and look after yourself first for a while. It does work!!

i'm exactly the same as you, i look after my friends if they need a shoulder to cry on, but if i need a shoulder to cry on, they all disappear, as I've recently found out when I really needed it.

Tell them that you aren't gonna be their sounding post anymore until they start listening to you.

And things do get better believe me :)