feeling confused about the new guy on the scene

[melanie]

I’ve been in a relationship for over a year now and its all going brilliantly, we never argue, he is kind loving and considerate and everything is just the best that you could ever wish for. I love my guy loads and really could see us being together forever.

Recently though I moved house. I moved away from where my boyfriend lives (it’s not far we still see each other 2-3 times a week and he will stop at mine / I will stop at his) but there is a guy that I live with who I just cant get out of my head. Its like when your about 12 and you get really bad crushes and you think about the person all the time, your stomach does flip flops when you see them, ect ect. I feel that I cant just ignore this person or stay out of their way which would be the obvious things to do as I have very few other friends in the area and we get on so well.

I know that this guy feels the same way but I would never do anything about it because I love my boyfriend (I know your all going to say that if I did then I wouldn’t feel this way) and this "crush" hasn’t taken anything away from our relationship or made me feel any different about my boyfriend. But it’s cutting me up inside. On one hand I think that having a crush that I don’t act on isn’t a problem, but on the other I feel like i'm being unfaithful inside my head and by spending time with this guy when there is quite obviously a spark between us.

I’ve spoken to a female friend about this and she thinks that I have just latched onto the first person that was nice to me because I was feeling isolated and having a hard time (I hadn’t realised how hard it is to make friends when you have no connections) and that I should just ignore the feelings and when I get to know more people they will just go away. I’m not so sure about this and would really like any opinions as to what people would do if they fund themselves in this situation.

thanks

Mel.

[Welsh Jemz]

try hanging out with this new guy in a big group of friends/aquaintances and treat him as one of the gang. the feelings should just develop into normal friendship feelings then.

or, if your relationship with your boyfriend is as strong as you say, talk it through with him. Crushes on other people can happen to anyone and you'll have a better stronger relationship if you can talk them through with each other

[melanie]

Thanks for you reply welsh mosher, the problem with hanging out with the guy with a large group of friends is that i dont really know many people around at the moment. I have decided tho that i am going to concentrate on just being friends, i know that crushes eventually fizzle out and i think i will just have to let this one run its corse.
Telling my boyfriend mite be a good idea other than my boyfrend is quite far away (about 25 miles) and this guy is so close and other than devostating him (as i know it would) i think it would make him very paranoid about me living with the guy and also hostile (not in a violent way but the way that you would be towards someone that you knew your g/f fancied) towards the guy and i dont want to ruin the chance of a friendship with this guy while im feeling so lonely up here.

[supergrover]

Hey Mel...You seem to have your head screwed on for sure as it sounds like you’ve been doing a lot of thinking around you’re feelings. Hang in there! Relationships are hard work – but they have to be worth all the work. What your friend was saying sounds reasonable – you’ve naturally latched onto this person and established a potential friendship as you’re far away from what you’re used to and it probably lifts any sadness and depression of being away from your guy and takes your mind off it in a good way.

Has your boyfriend met your flatmate? Maybe if the 3 of you’s (or more) were to hang out together some night that might help you feel more secure in your current relationship and it might be a subtle way to let your flatmate see how good things are between you & your guy. Not that you want to make him jealous or make him feel bad but it would be good in that it might make you feel more comfortable being around your flatmate when your boyfriends not there. Coz obviously it looks like you cant avoid spending time with him. By doing this he will be in the know that you’re in a strong relationship and will respect that and in some way that could help you establish more of a ‘friendship’ and take away from the ‘crush’ aspect! It will also be a good way to help you focus more on the friendship side of things and less on any ‘sparks’ you may be feeling. Its always nice though to know that someone ‘likes’ you even when you’re in a perfectly fab r’ship. Its so flattering! So be flattered and concentrate on the friendship side of things. Hope this helps somehow…

[Pan_chan_boo]

Iv had this problem once, me and my boyfriend get on like a house on fire, go out of our way for each other etc but have had our share of problems in the past. But now were great.

A short while ago i suddenly refound a crush i had on an old friend, because he got dumped by his girl friend, and was suddenly around me quite often.

He was attractive, we shared interests and we even went the cinema as "mates", flirted alot because we both knew we were very attracted to each other. I was unbelievably attracted to him, and i had that guilty feeling, my boyfriend even knew this guy liked me alot and was texting me, so he got really jelous.

In the end, this guy wasnt all he turned out to be, he was only nice to me because he wanted to get into my pants, and doesnt really even speak to me now. And its fizzled out for me too, like most of the short crushes i get.

Anyways enough ranting about crap, my point is, you know your boyfriend, and you know how he feels about you, and you feel good together, this new guy may not be all you think he is. Perhaps you just miss having that feeling you get when you meet someone new, i know i do sometimes, but then i think about how much better it is having my boyfriend, and i just lavish affection upon, and cuddle the crap out of him instead.

[blonde__batman]

Originally posted by Pan_chan_boo
Perhaps you just miss having that feeling you get when you meet someone new

:yes:
i was with my ex for 15 months, and i loved him more than anything, but i got that feeling a couple of times. it wasnt cos i was looking for someone new, just i missed the feeling of gettin to know someone new, or meeting someone u get on instantly with

[workingonit]

My personal opinion is that you're in a situation where you have a bit of a crush just because it's someone new and different. As long as you don't act on it, then I don't think it's being harmful in the least. You've been in your current relationship for a year I believe you said, that's a long time to have been with someone, and you've just made some changes in other portions of your life, this is natural. Like I said in the beginning though, as long as you don't act on it, then I think you're okay with having a harmless little crush!

[melanie]

Thanks for your opinion guys, i think that i was blowing it all a bit out of proportion in my head and so it was becoming an issue.

The guy in question has been away for a week and i think that its done me the world of good to be able to take a step back and see what a drama queen i was being lol.

andyway he gets back tonight and i just gonna concentrate on being friends and im starting to make new friends aswell. Things are on the up me thinks

thankyou

mel-H