Rape

[chaos_insomniac]

That's what my mates are calling it, though i'm not sure. On Thursday I had a date with a guy, he acted kind, sweet and caring towards me. he came down and we went out on Sunday, we both got drunk and came back to mine. When we had sex he took the condom off without telling me. I had to tell him to stop four times before he did, then he carried on moments later. He came inside me unprotected. Afterwards I was in a lot of pain and there had been bleeding. Was it rape?

I'm going fucking insane here, I need to be tested but have to wait because HIV doesn't show up straight away. I'm feeling so shitty right now.....:crying:


ETA: I didn't say stop only four times, I said stop four times before he did, and I must've told him to slow down/stop/that it's hurting about twenty or so times in total.

[RudeBwoy]

Statutory rape?

He was obviously forceful upon you which makes it totally wrong for him to carry on.

Take your own advice mate and get tested, the sooner you get it done the sooner you can get the results.

hope everything goes ok :)

[Teagan]

Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
That's what my mates are calling it, though i'm not sure. On Thursday I had a date with a guy, he acted kind, sweet and caring towards me. he came down and we went out on Sunday, we both got drunk and came back to mine. When we had sex he took the condom off without telling me. I had to tell him to stop four times before he did, then he carried on moments later. He came inside me unprotected. Afterwards I was in a lot of pain and there had been bleeding. Was it rape?

I'm going fucking insane here, I need to be tested but have to wait because HIV doesn't show up straight away. I'm feeling so shitty right now.....:crying:


ETA: I didn't say stop only four times, I said stop four times before he did, and I must've told him to slow down/stop/that it's hurting about twenty or so times in total.

Although you initially consented to sex, when he refused to wear a condom and forced himself on you, that beomes 'rape' in my opinion.

[not_an_angel]

the problem is that HIV is only shown after 3month...

Good luck!!!!!!

[aimz]

Oh my god, you poor thing, you must be going crazy.... have you been tested for everything else in the mean time? i'd be throughly upset by this, have you spoken to him since? if so give him a fucking good slap from me!

hope things go ok babes *hugs*
let us know how it goes.... xxx

[SuzyCreamcheese]

Oh God Chaos, I hope youre OK.
Have you considered going to the police?

[Kermit]

The law is that once the person stops consenting to sex, it is rape. Even if the person initially consented to sexual intercourse, if that consent is then expressly revoked it is rape.

Your friends are right. It is rape. Report it.

I hope you're OK mate.

[SuzyCreamcheese]

and you certainly never consented to sex without a condom. Now that is really scary. why the fuck would someone do that, I just hope youre alright Chaos, you must see a doctor and the police as soon as you can.

[Kermit]

Originally posted by rainbow brite
and you certainly never consented to sex without a condom.

Legally you consent to sexual intercourse, the condom is irrelevant. So if you have sex and agreed to it it's not rape, even if the cunt takes a condom off.

It's still fucking shitty.

And if you said "stop" it means stop.

[SuzyCreamcheese]

I do think the police would take it into account, and it would certainly be useful for it to be documented if in future God forbid youve caught anything from him.
People have been prosecuted for that before.

[Kermit]

Definitely report it, yeah, because he can be charged with battery offences if you have caught anything. Even if he says you consented to sex without a condom, it still applies.

[stargalaxy]

Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
When we had sex he took the condom off without telling me. I had to tell him to stop four times before he did, then he carried on moments later. He came inside me unprotected. Afterwards I was in a lot of pain and there had been bleeding. Was it rape? ETA: I didn't say stop only four times, I said stop four times before he did, and I must've told him to slow down/stop/that it's hurting about twenty or so times in total.If that's not rape, I don't know what is. Get tested as soon as possible. Report this rape and don't go anywhere near this man again.

[**sugar**]

Chaos that is really horrible, it makes me so mad that people can be so nasty like this, just to get what they want.
i can see how shitty this is making you feel, i didn't realise that it is classed as rape if someone consented but then said no, so thats just terrible too, i do hope you feel better mate, like others have said maybe you should report this to the police, as for the tests really hope everything is ok and he hasn't past anything on to you, just get checked out and atleast when you no that everything is fine that takes one worry off your mind *Hugs*

[Fiend_85]

Originally posted by RudeBwoy
Statutory rape?

Sex with underage...

[chaos_insomniac]

Originally posted by aimz
Oh my god, you poor thing, you must be going crazy.... have you been tested for everything else in the mean time? i'd be throughly upset by this, have you spoken to him since? if so give him a fucking good slap from me!

hope things go ok babes *hugs*
let us know how it goes.... xxx

I text him on Tuesday to tell him my concerns about STD's. He didn't reply. He came online yesterday with an arsey attitude. I told him how much it hurt, that I'd been bleeding, that he was rough and that I had to tell him to stop four times, y'know what he replied with?

"Well I like it rough."

Made me feel fucking sick.

I don't think I could go through reporting it to the police. In my own mind in a way I still don't see it as rape, because it was in my own house and I guess in a way I could have stopped it, though I was scared. I don't think Icould bare my parents finding out either.

[aimz]

oh my god, you poor thing, what a c**t. i cant believe that, please dont talk to him again... he's not even worth the shit off the bottom of your shoe.. ah honey im so sorry....

i understand about not going to the police but for the fact that this guy is STILL being a jerk about it, really should make you wana go to the police, even if its just to scare him, coz he might not just be hurting you, but there might be others - someone had gotta fight back.

[chaos_insomniac]

Originally posted by aimz
oh my god, you poor thing, what a c**t. i cant believe that, please dont talk to him again... he's not even worth the shit off the bottom of your shoe.. ah honey im so sorry....

i understand about not going to the police but for the fact that this guy is STILL being a jerk about it, really should make you wana go to the police, even if its just to scare him, coz he might not just be hurting you, but there might be others - someone had gotta fight back.

I've blocked his MSN address and deleted it anyway. There's no way I want to talk to him or see him ever again.

I know what you're saying about the police thing....I don't know if he's done it to anyone else and the fact hat e could do does scare me, but I really doubt I'm a strong enough person to be able to get through it if I call the police. I keep thinking of the look on my Mum and Dad's face if they found out.

[stargalaxy]

Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
I keep thinking of the look on my Mum and Dad's face if they found out.How do you predict they'd react?

[chaos_insomniac]

Originally posted by rainbow brite
and you certainly never consented to sex without a condom. Now that is really scary. why the fuck would someone do that, I just hope youre alright Chaos, you must see a doctor and the police as soon as you can.

I already intend to visit a GUM clinic in three months to be tested. The main thing that worries me is the fact that it can take up to 6 months to show HIV. According to the research I did. Sounds like a horrible thing to have as well. :(

[chaos_insomniac]

Originally posted by stargalaxy
How do you predict they'd react?

Absolutely devastated. I can see my Mum crying her eyes out and my Dad with a face of disbelief. In my Mums house as well. I did almost scream at one point, certainly raised my voice, but no one heard me as my room is downstairs and I had music on.

[stargalaxy]

I suspect they'd be horrified to discover what happened, but glad that you told them. I'm not sure about this one.

[SuzyCreamcheese]

but its not your fault Chaos. You havent let anyone down. This is why most rapists get away with it, because people are too ashamed to report it, as though its somehow their fault.
Have you thought of contacting gay helpline or something or a rape victims helpline?

[**sugar**]

Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
I text him on Tuesday to tell him my concerns about STD's. He didn't reply. He came online yesterday with an arsey attitude. I told him how much it hurt, that I'd been bleeding, that he was rough and that I had to tell him to stop four times, y'know what he replied with?

"Well I like it rough."

Made me feel fucking sick.

I don't think I could go through reporting it to the police. In my own mind in a way I still don't see it as rape, because it was in my own house and I guess in a way I could have stopped it, though I was scared. I don't think Icould bare my parents finding out either.

Thats so sick the way he replyed to you, what a twat. i no what you mean about in your own mind you don't see it like that, thats exactly how i feel, but what he has done to you is just nasty, i really hope things turn out ok for you Chaos, hopefully everything will be ok once all the tests have been done, although it obviously doesn't change the way you are feeling, if you need a chat give us a PM *hugs*

[Kermit]

He's the one in the wrong, not you.

They get away with it because people are too ashamed to tell on them.

You've told your sister on here, can you talk to her in real life too? See what she says, and take her help and support?

[Namaste]

Don't think it is rape... But if you have a lot of casual sex then that's what ends up happening. Most people who will have casual sex like that on the first date in my opinion aren't interested in anything but the sex... And that can include the welfare of the person they're fucking.

Go get tested. You're an adult, your parents don't have to know... And stop contacting people off the internet, it's dangerous.

[Zella]

I'm not sure if its still true, but I remember having an argument with my old college teacher, he said that in the eyes of the law a man cannot be raped. It would be seen as sexual abuse, but not rape.

[stargalaxy]

A man cannot be raped? This is nonsense. What happened to Chaos is rape. I cannot see what else it is. What a ludicrous claim you have made, Zella. :mad:

[Kermit]

Originally posted by Zella
he said that in the eyes of the law a man cannot be raped. It would be seen as sexual abuse, but not rape.

A woman can't rape a man.

A man can rape a man.

The old alw was a bit fuzzy about what exactly was rape, but the Sexual Offences Act 2003 has clarified it as oral, vaginal or anal penetration, with a penis or another implement, without consent.

[Kermit]

Originally posted by stargalaxy
A man cannot be raped? This is feminist nonsense.

Shut the fuck up.

[Zella]

Originally posted by stargalaxy
A man cannot be raped? This is nonsense. What happened to Chaos is rape. I cannot see what else it is. What a ludicrous claim you have made, Zella. :mad:

If you had read what I had said properly, you will have seen that i said that it was what i aruged with my teacher about.

He said it, not me.

[wheresmyplacebo]

back to point

chaos - you should go get tested for STDs, and if youve been bleeding you can get infected from that if you aint careful

id report the guy to the police, or get some people to teach him a lesson, or just tell him to sort out his act otherwise ull let other people know what hes like ie the police

and if uve been meeting random people off net, you should be more careful, all sorts of weirdos out there

[swank]

*gone*

[Kermit]

Originally posted by wheresmyplacebo
chaos - you should go get tested for STDs, and if youve been bleeding you can get infected from that if you aint careful

Definitely.

Though you don't need to bleed to contract STIs, including HIV.

[wheresmyplacebo]

Originally posted by Kermit
Definitely.

Though you don't need to bleed to contract STIs, including HIV.

i know but i meant he could get a normal air bourne infection

[Zella]

I think he meant that the cut could get infected, like a cut on your hand could if not treated properly.

[chaos_insomniac]

Originally posted by MoonRat
Don't think it is rape... But if you have a lot of casual sex then that's what ends up happening. Most people who will have casual sex like that on the first date in my opinion aren't interested in anything but the sex... And that can include the welfare of the person they're fucking.

Go get tested. You're an adult, your parents don't have to know... And stop contacting people off the internet, it's dangerous.

I know that maybe I should have been more careful, however I have been meeting guys off the net for over three years now. The impression I get from most gay men is that they have to have sex and feel sexually compatible in order to have a relationship, because et's face it, most gay men are like that.

[Franki]

That doesn't mean you have to be like that.

First off, I hope you're ok, and he's a fucking arseing cunt to do that to you! Takes a lot to piss me off...and this really has.

I know you don't want to, but the police really is a good idea. They won't necessarily tell your parents, as your sister said (although in not quite as sympathetic a tone as I would have expected), you are an adult, even if it is in their house, it shouldn't really involve them.

I'm just going to end up repeating what everyone else has said, so I'm just gonna say that you can talk to me if ya want to, ok?

Love me xx

[SuzyCreamcheese]

I think having a bleeding anus is proof of assault. This man has damaged him.

[malteser monkay]

I'm so sorry for what's happened to you chaos...

Surely, the more forceful penetration, similarly with females, can be checked out properly and traced (bruising, tearing etc...) used as evidence if you wanted to go about this with the police?

Again, incredibly sorry for you angel *much hugs*

Malt Munk xxxx

[swank]

*gone*

[Teagan]

Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
[B]I text him on Tuesday to tell him my concerns about STD's. He didn't reply. B]

Post his mobile number on here then. We'll all take turns calling him from a call box telling him what a c**t he is ....

[Teagan]

Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
I know that maybe I should have been more careful, however I have been meeting guys off the net for over three years now. The impression I get from most gay men is that they have to have sex and feel sexually compatible in order to have a relationship, because et's face it, most gay men are like that.

Meeting guys over the net is always a risky business, babe. Sites like gaydar (even Faceparty) are sexual pickup sites to a large degree. People can quickly see who is compatible (e.g. active, passive, versatile) so there is no need to try and converse much to find out the other person's preference. It's right there in front of you.

Of course, it has made it a lot easier for young gay guys to find like-minded people in what could otherwise be a very lonely environment until you reach pubbing/clubbing age.

But as your case shows, there are drawbacks. Remember, there is no need to sleep with a guy on a first date (or the first few for that matter). You're a very handsome guy so you are bound to attract not-so-nice people who are after just one thing and are ruthless and selfish in how they get it..

[Martin_Bashir]

Don't think it is rape... But if you have a lot of casual sex then that's what ends up happening. Most people who will have casual sex like that on the first date in my opinion aren't interested in anything but the sex... And that can include the welfare of the person they're fucking.

'i think' is irrelevant in legal terms... as Kermit has stated sexual intercourse becomes rape at the point at which consent is withdrawn.

[ClaireBear]

Hiya Chaos,
*Hugs* hope you're feeling OK today. You're obviously really going through it at the moment so if you'd like to talk it through with someone you can call SupportLine (http://www.supportline.org.uk/) on 020 8554 9004.

Hope this helps some,
CB

[chaos_insomniac]

Originally posted by Teagan
Meeting guys over the net is always a risky business, babe. Sites like gaydar (even Faceparty) are sexual pickup sites to a large degree. People can quickly see who is compatible (e.g. active, passive, versatile) so there is no need to try and converse much to find out the other person's preference. It's right there in front of you.

Of course, it has made it a lot easier for young gay guys to find like-minded people in what could otherwise be a very lonely environment until you reach pubbing/clubbing age.

But as your case shows, there are drawbacks. Remember, there is no need to sleep with a guy on a first date (or the first few for that matter). You're a very handsome guy so you are bound to attract not-so-nice people who are after just one thing and are ruthless and selfish in how they get it..

I kinda knew this already, though when you've been speaking to someone online for a while who seems really nice, and you meet them and they seem really nice, and you meet them again and they seem really nice and interested in you, not the sex, it does throw you off a bit. Rest assured I will not be having sex again for a long time, I don't think I could do it, the thought scares me as it is.

It's just the waiting that is the worst...


Thank you for the number ClaireBear, though I doubt I'd be able to discuss it on the phone with someone, it was hard enough telling my friends. Though if I do get bad will definately consider using the number.

I'm getting counselling soon as well, so I'll probably tell my counsellor.

[Teagan]

Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
I kinda knew this already, though when you've been speaking to someone online for a while who seems really nice, and you meet them and they seem really nice, and you meet them again and they seem really nice and interested in you, not the sex, it does throw you off a bit. Rest assured I will not be having sex again for a long time, I don't think I could do it, the thought scares me as it is.

It's just the waiting that is the worst...

Yeah, there is very little way to protect yourself from someone like this. I am very sorry that this happened to you.

Nothing I say will make the waiting any easier but it is worth remembering that even if he is HIV+, it does not mean that you have automatically caught it. Unprotected (anal) sex is regarded as "high risk" to contract HIV - it is not inevitable.

Please stay optimistic. *hugs*

[Franki]

Originally posted by Teagan
Nothing I say will make the waiting any easier but it is worth remembering that even if he is HIV+, it does not mean that you have automatically caught it. Unprotected (anal) sex is regarded as "high risk" to contract HIV - it is not inevitable.

Please stay optimistic. *hugs*

:yes: it's not definite, so stay positive :)

[intrigue]

id kick fuck out of him and if u cant get someone who can make sure they dont know its you oh and report hiom to the police.
I just hope you havnt caught anything dude and hope your ok.
.matt

[melanie]

isnt there anything other than HIV that you could have caught through anal sex other than hiv, if there is id get yourself checked out asap, just because you have to wait 3 months for the hiv test doesnt mean they cant check you for anything else that could be risking your health.

and *Hugs* chick, thats an awful thing that you have been through. stay strong and you will get through it

[SuzyCreamcheese]

have you been vaccinated against hep B?

[chaos_insomniac]

Originally posted by rainbow brite
have you been vaccinated against hep B?

If that's one of the ones they do in school then I think so yes.

[SuzyCreamcheese]

its recommended for gay men to be immunised as a high risk group.

[chaos_insomniac]

Ooooh....so do i see my doctor or something? What are the symptoms of Hepatitis B and what does it do to you? How come gay men are a high risk group?

[Fiend_85]

Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
Ooooh....so do i see my doctor or something? What are the symptoms of Hepatitis B and what does it do to you? How come gay men are a high risk group?

Same reason they're not allowed to give blood mate. You're more likely to get it.

[SuzyCreamcheese]

Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
Ooooh....so do i see my doctor or something? What are the symptoms of Hepatitis B and what does it do to you? How come gay men are a high risk group?
its a very serious infectious disease. There are different sorts. http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/hepatitis.html Im actually in the process of getting immunised at the moment. Ive had the first couple of shots, and ive got one next week, then one more in a few months time.

[Kentish]

Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
Ooooh....so do i see my doctor or something? What are the symptoms of Hepatitis B and what does it do to you? How come gay men are a high risk group?
Hep B is 100 times more infectious than HIV, and you wouldn't have been vaccinated at school. If you are going to be having unprotected anal sex, then you should think about being vaccinated. Speak to your GP. :)

Info (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/medical_notes/g-i/1505615.stm)