I think I've messed up slightly!

[SJH]

Hi guys, I'm new here! I thought you might all like to hear about something that's happened this weekend. It's also not something I recommend doing! ;)

I've been going out with my girlfriend now for a month. I also have a few people who I speak to online who I've met via various websites and through other people. A few months ago we decided to meet up in London on Friday the 5th November to see Placebo play at Wembley Arena. We'd never met before and it was something we'd been intending to do for a while, and as Placebo are a band we all like we decided to get tickets and see them together.

3 of these people are male, 1 of them is female, making 5 in total (including me of course!). The second I saw the girl (who shall remain nameless!) I thought "wow, she is absolutely gorgeous". I decided not to do anything though because I have a girlfriend and I didn't want to start being unfaithful. But she immediately started flirting with me and I just couldn't help myself. We went from me sitting on her lap on the tube on the way to the concert to dancing together when one of our favourite songs was played to sharing a bed together that night. We'd only met that day for the first time but already we were this close. Luckily for me or her we didn't have sex (in fact she has a boyfriend too!) but during the night we were holding each other and treating one another like a boyfriend and girlfriend would.

On Saturday the 5 of us had all day together, so we thought we'd get some lunch, have something to eat, then all go our seperate ways on evening trains (we live all over the place).

Me and this girl held hands while walking, and when standing or sitting together we hugged, we were flirting all the time. We had an hour to ourselves (just the two of us) during which we just sat and talked, and she had some of the nicest things to say to me, we really got on well together. She suggested to me that we meet up in London again at some point, but just us two. I really really REALLY liked her, and I could tell her feelings towards me were similar.

Anyway at about 5:40 we had to say goodbye to her as she was getting on the train to go back home. I gave her the biggest hug ever, and I was really upset to see her go. This really set in when I got my train home, and when I returned home I just came back and cried. I knew that I wouldn't be seeing her again in the near future, and that she was right at the other end of the country to me. I also knew that me having a girlfriend and her having a boyfriend meant that a relationship with her would be impossible.

I really didn't know what to think. Last night my mind was completely messed up. The thought of dumping my girlfriend so I could be with her crossed my mind several times. This isn't something I want to do, but thinking about it makes it more and more tempting :( My reasoning behind this is that I would be dumped by her if she found out. Still I don't want to have to dump my girlfriend for this other girl, and I probably won't do it.

I thought I'd share my story with you. Oh, and if anyone has any tips on how I can get over the extreme depression I'm feeling about this at the moment I would be really grateful. :)

Thanks for reading!

[Butterflykisses]

Hey - I know what you're feeling and you really have to do what your head's telling you to do right now. If this girl lives on the other side of the country then being with her isn't going to be easy and just because you got on well on these two days doesn't mean it'll work as a relationship. Don't dump your girlfriend, because there's no guarantee that this girl will dump her man for you and if you've got a good thing going there's no point throwing it away for a long-distance possibility.

I'd go see your girlfriend asap and remind yourself of what you HAVE, rather than pining over what you could have....

Hope that's of some help, and you feel better soon!

[SJH]

Originally posted by Butterflykisses
Hey - I know what you're feeling and you really have to do what your head's telling you to do right now. If this girl lives on the other side of the country then being with her isn't going to be easy and just because you got on well on these two days doesn't mean it'll work as a relationship. Don't dump your girlfriend, because there's no guarantee that this girl will dump her man for you and if you've got a good thing going there's no point throwing it away for a long-distance possibility.

I'd go see your girlfriend asap and remind yourself of what you HAVE, rather than pining over what you could have....

Hope that's of some help, and you feel better soon!

Thanks a lot, this really does help :)

I'll be seeing my girlfriend tomorrow, hopefully this'll make me feel better. I think it'll be difficult to face her with this big secret in my head because there's nothing I hate more than having to keep secrets from people who they'll affect if they found out (if that makes any sense!).

I think I'm going to talk about this with a close friend of mine tomorrow, who I can trust with stuff like this. It'll be good to talk about it in person with someone I think.

Again thanks for the post, I really appreciate it.

[ShyBoy]

This is the classic case of 'the grass is always greener on the other side of the hill'. After you've been out with someone for quite a while the 'honeymoon' period normally dies off (though, with a bit of spontaneity and imagination you can keep the feel there :)) and you see a girl where you have some sexual chemistry, it's a natural thing - our bodies can't be 'turned off' as such, if a guy thinks about a naked hot girl he's going to get excited, and so on. Anyway, this new girl has the honeymoon feel about her that you've 'grown out of' and it's a nice, exciting feeling. But - only a good kind of relationship survives past this (if you think about most relationships that break up is because one person 'just doesn't feel the same way anymore') and on to the settling period.

So your options as I see them,
a) dump your long-term girlfriend who you've grown a good bond with and possibly start a new long term relationship that will have the excitment

b) carry on as you are without changing anything, be stuck in a rut etc

c) try and rekindle the special things about your relationship with your girlfriend, forget about the long distance girl, just do the things with your girlfriend that you used to do that made you feel so lucky and gave you that butterfly feeling in your tummy

[BumbleBee]

Personally I think the fact you held hands, flirted, hugged etc this girl is because you don't give a shit about your current girlfriend. What you did was pathetic and I can't believe people have given you advice without condemning what you did.

To be frank you don't deserve the trust and respect of your current girlfriend... poor lass.

[swank]

*gone*