Differences in Relationships

[~lil*butterfly~]

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 months now and I'm mad about him and really happy. He's totally different from my ex (who was a right bastard) and thats half what I like about him. But...when my ex wasn't being a bastard he was really really attentive. It was the reason I put up with the bad things for so long. He was always cuddling me and giving me compliments etc. My new boyfriend is probably more typical. He'll quite happily ignore me for whole evenings to watch a film/football etc, even on the one night a week I stay over. My boyfriend is a million times better to me than my ex but I'm finding it hard to adapt to the lack of attention. I'm quite insecure and it makes me feel rejected. Has anyone else had anything like this? Or is it just me being silly? Thanks:)

[dep]

Some people are more attentive than others... I think it depends on how they were raised or something. I think if it's important to you, you should be open and communicate that to him.. that you feel like he doesn't pay you enough attention.. if he cares, he'll step it up a notch... if he doesn't, then you'll continue to feel rejected and unloved and should find someone who DOES satisfy your needs to feel attended to... ya see, i guess relationships are about trying to fulfill the needs of each other... middle ground... if there's no middle ground between his watching sports and cuddling you, then you're getting the raw end of the deal and you deserve better. you can't just be a part of his life out of his convenience. he should be putting forth a bit of effort, you know? but, of course, i don't think it should have to be an "effort" to be attentive to your girlfriend, but i'm very affectionate and attentive anyway.. and why not? it's fun!

dep

[*§atania*]

Originally posted by ~lil*butterfly~
Has anyone else had anything like this?
YES! Omg, I know exactly how you feel. I've been with my bf for 6 months and he still seems to prefer having his mates over than me. He hardly ever makes an effort to meet up with me, only sometimes. Thing is, when I'm with him I absolutely love it. He's so sweet and :rolleyes: uh aw, just lovely. I just deal with him. It's obvious i'm more needy than him, and I knew it from the start, he's always been like that. But yeah, do talk to him, 'cuz I just end up having a go at him and he doesn't understand why and so we always end up with a stupid little argument. To be honest, I don't think you'll be able to change him. But then again - do you want him to? That's what I ask myself and no I don't 'cuz i really like him, just like this. Sure it'd be nicer if he'd txt more often n call or do little surprises, but it's just not him. He has his own ways of showing attention and I'ms ure your bf does too. If you like him proper you'll learn to accept even the things you'd wish to change.

[TheCymruKid]

I sound just like your boyf. Im not really attentive or touchy-feely. It doesn't mean that I dont care though. My ex used to say that I didn't cuddle her enough or pay her enough attention, but I tried to explain that its not the way I am, and I feel uncomfortable in doing it. It's so hard when someone you love tells you that you're not giving her enough attention. Somehow I do blame the way im brought up. Im not very close to my parents, I cant remeber the last time i kissed or hugged my mother or father! It really upsets me that I cant get close to people the way I want to.

Please dont try and change your boyf coz he could be the same as me and honestly, its hard trying to change someone.

:(

[1983]

Originally posted by TheCymruKid
Please dont try and change your boyf coz he could be the same as me and honestly, its hard trying to change someone.

:(

My bloke's like that, but he's getting better. He's just never been with someone like me, who he called "Someone who cares so passionately about everyone and everything" :blush: He says it's a big overhaul and he's still adapting. I think it's nice trying to break down walls brick by brick. :)

[*TiNK*]

Some people are just like that. I love attention, and i feel horrible when they dont hold my hand or have their arms around me, makes me feel so unwanted :(

[~lil*butterfly~]

Thanks for all your replies, tis nice to know its not just me who feels that way sometimes :)
I haven't really spoke to my boyfriend properly as I don't want to hurt him. I'm happy with the way things are generally, I was just wondering. I'm quite a clingy person, so I think I'm the abnormal one in this not him!! He's a lovely bloke, and I'm sure things will improve dramatically once Euro 2004 is over ! :D

[DG]

why don't you just go watch the footy with him, you don't have to distract him from it just rest you head on his lap or somethng so you're close to him but not distracting him and see how that goes.

[~lil*butterfly~]

Originally posted by DiamondGeezer
why don't you just go watch the footy with him, you don't have to distract him from it just rest you head on his lap or somethng so you're close to him but not distracting him and see how that goes.

Thats what I do generally. But its times like last week when i have concussion and he says "I'm just going downstairs for a j" and then doesn't come back. Or when its half past 11 on the only night I stay over and I've been working six days a week and want to go to sleep next to him and hes still watching highlights, or when he has time for sex before the football but not for a conversation, not even about really important things, like his daughter (with someone else-not me). Its not him, its the bloody football. Shouldn't I get a widows pension or something? Can I sue someone for loss of boyfriend?