Zella
20-04-2004, 03:37 PM
I warn you now, this is going to be a long one.
I have so many thing going on in my life right now that are hard to cope with. I mean there hard enough to deal with on there own let alone all of them at the same time confusing my poor little head.
Problem 1 - Em
Right, first off theres my mate Em. She's 11 years old an suffering from depression. Over the last few weeks shes been in and out of hospital because of it. Ive been there for her as much as i can but its getting to the point where i dont know what to say or do to make her feel better. The other night she sent me a text at like 1in the morning asking what would happen if she drank aload of bleach and toilet products! I was round her house stright away to make sure she didnt do anything. And then i found out like two days ago that she's started self harming. Shes not cutting or anything (or so she tells me) but she hitting her arm on things and bruiseing it till she cant move it anymore. I really dont know what to do. Im so confused. Shes so young to be going though that and i know how she feels and i feel so sorry for her having to go though it. Depression is in her family so he sister and her mum have it too.
She sent me an email saying
"you smoke and do drugs to get you through shit, why shouldnt i?"
I felt so hypacritical telling her that she's not aloud to do them because its bad and it fucks you up more then it helps.
i just want to give her a big hug and kiss it better like i used to when we were kids.
Ive known her since i was 8 years old and shes been one of my best friends from the day she moved in across the road.
Problem 2 - Ant
I have this new b/f Ant, we've only been going out like 2 weeks and already we've been through lots. I took his v.plates the other week, and he got stabbed last night during a fight where a bunch of dickheads rushed us.
The problem im havin with Ant is that we never talk. I mean weve seen eachother once with out our mates either being in the same house or in the same room. and even then we didnt know what to say.
Ive never not known what to say to anyone before. It usually just comes out and me and who ever just chat for ages. I just dont think ive clicked with Ant. I mean dont get me wrong, i really like him, its just i know that things dont last when you have nothing to talk about. We have nothing in comman, and we hate eachothers music taste.
I cant dump him cos he's in my group of friends and im scared of loosing them. I promised i wouldnt fuck him about and i'm not going to, im just going to have to wait till he dumps me.
Problem 3 - Paddy
Oh dear paddy:no: Me and paddy got together when we were 12 years old, and had a 10 month relationship. It ended badly as i had a stupid crush on his best mate. I loved Paddy then and i still love him now. Me and paddy both know that we will end married some day as no matter what happens we always seem to fall back on eachother. When we see eachother we remember all the good times we had and we always remember something new.
We still say i love you all the time and i know he means it, becuase he dont just say it to get something he wants.
I do want to get back with him but im not ready to tell him yet. Im scared that if i do say i want him back properly that he'll say no and i'll be crushed. We're going to the reading festival together so if im not still with Ant,I might tell him how i feel then. I'm just scared really.
Problem 4 - Army Guy
Last night after the fight that me and my mates got into, me and D went to his cousins place to sort out some revenge, cos one of the guys that stabbed my bf picks up of D's Cuz. While we were there i picked up some stuff for myself and got chatting to this Army guy. Now Army guy is all my types in one, tall, dark, muscley, army, druggy, rudeboy(the good kind,not the type that hangs outside KFC drinking white ace), and he's sooooo easy to talk to. we were chatting practically non stop for the whole time i was there. He even told me his whole name, and thats means alot considering what he does. He asked for my number but i didnt give it to him cos i have a BF. Blaaaaa!!! This is sooo hard. Why does everything have to happen all at once and mess up my head!?!!?
So there you have it I have more problems but they can be for another time.
I hope ive made sence.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I have so many thing going on in my life right now that are hard to cope with. I mean there hard enough to deal with on there own let alone all of them at the same time confusing my poor little head.
Problem 1 - Em
Right, first off theres my mate Em. She's 11 years old an suffering from depression. Over the last few weeks shes been in and out of hospital because of it. Ive been there for her as much as i can but its getting to the point where i dont know what to say or do to make her feel better. The other night she sent me a text at like 1in the morning asking what would happen if she drank aload of bleach and toilet products! I was round her house stright away to make sure she didnt do anything. And then i found out like two days ago that she's started self harming. Shes not cutting or anything (or so she tells me) but she hitting her arm on things and bruiseing it till she cant move it anymore. I really dont know what to do. Im so confused. Shes so young to be going though that and i know how she feels and i feel so sorry for her having to go though it. Depression is in her family so he sister and her mum have it too.
She sent me an email saying
"you smoke and do drugs to get you through shit, why shouldnt i?"
I felt so hypacritical telling her that she's not aloud to do them because its bad and it fucks you up more then it helps.
i just want to give her a big hug and kiss it better like i used to when we were kids.
Ive known her since i was 8 years old and shes been one of my best friends from the day she moved in across the road.
Problem 2 - Ant
I have this new b/f Ant, we've only been going out like 2 weeks and already we've been through lots. I took his v.plates the other week, and he got stabbed last night during a fight where a bunch of dickheads rushed us.
The problem im havin with Ant is that we never talk. I mean weve seen eachother once with out our mates either being in the same house or in the same room. and even then we didnt know what to say.
Ive never not known what to say to anyone before. It usually just comes out and me and who ever just chat for ages. I just dont think ive clicked with Ant. I mean dont get me wrong, i really like him, its just i know that things dont last when you have nothing to talk about. We have nothing in comman, and we hate eachothers music taste.
I cant dump him cos he's in my group of friends and im scared of loosing them. I promised i wouldnt fuck him about and i'm not going to, im just going to have to wait till he dumps me.
Problem 3 - Paddy
Oh dear paddy:no: Me and paddy got together when we were 12 years old, and had a 10 month relationship. It ended badly as i had a stupid crush on his best mate. I loved Paddy then and i still love him now. Me and paddy both know that we will end married some day as no matter what happens we always seem to fall back on eachother. When we see eachother we remember all the good times we had and we always remember something new.
We still say i love you all the time and i know he means it, becuase he dont just say it to get something he wants.
I do want to get back with him but im not ready to tell him yet. Im scared that if i do say i want him back properly that he'll say no and i'll be crushed. We're going to the reading festival together so if im not still with Ant,I might tell him how i feel then. I'm just scared really.
Problem 4 - Army Guy
Last night after the fight that me and my mates got into, me and D went to his cousins place to sort out some revenge, cos one of the guys that stabbed my bf picks up of D's Cuz. While we were there i picked up some stuff for myself and got chatting to this Army guy. Now Army guy is all my types in one, tall, dark, muscley, army, druggy, rudeboy(the good kind,not the type that hangs outside KFC drinking white ace), and he's sooooo easy to talk to. we were chatting practically non stop for the whole time i was there. He even told me his whole name, and thats means alot considering what he does. He asked for my number but i didnt give it to him cos i have a BF. Blaaaaa!!! This is sooo hard. Why does everything have to happen all at once and mess up my head!?!!?
So there you have it I have more problems but they can be for another time.
I hope ive made sence.
Thanks for letting me vent.