I'm Losing Him...

[Ilora-Danon]

The guy I've loved for 3 years went to college last year.
When we first met, he had long hair, wore black ALL the time and was into Metallica and NiN...
After a year at college, he's now cut all his hair off, wears what could be described as "rude-boy" clothing and listens to "drum and bass to the untrained ear" as he eloquently puts it..

I however, have been the slightly odd, dark person I've always been... Into gothicness and metal/rock music...

I'm so scared I'm losing him... Help?

Ilora x

[Olive]

people change.

and usually they change more on the outside than on the inside.

so he went to college and changed his style... this happens all the time. he's probably still the same guy he was before he left.

and if you love/d him for who he was, it shouldn't make that much of a difference.

if he's changed his whole personality, you'll find that either he's putting on an act now, or he was putting on an act before. and you might never find out which.

[Ilora-Danon]

He seems to be the same person inside... I've only just realised that he's not actually that good looking on the outside lol..

Still love him so much tho :(

Ilora x

[lisa simpson's saxophone]

How on earth does his changing his appearance and his musical taste mean you're losing him? If you love him then it shouldn't matter.

[Jazza]

I'd go with what the above have said. You may still be the Cute Goth Ckick that you have always been, but even if you changed you'd still be the same people inside. Love is more than image alone :)

[Ilora-Danon]

It's not as simple as that. Grr You don't understand...

Ilora x

[Mr_Wobble]

People change. It's as simple as that. Even you'll change one day. Maybe you won't give up the goth look, clothes, makeup, or music, but you will change. He's just changed a lot more than you. Doesn't change the person you are though.
I know you're thinking that's a load of crap, but people do change over time.

Mr_Wobble ;)

[lisa simpson's saxophone]

Originally posted by Ilora-Danon
It's not as simple as that. Grr You don't understand...

Ilora x

Sorry, what do you mean then?

[SuzyCreamcheese]

Originally posted by Ilora-Danon
The guy I've loved for 3 years went to college last year.
When we first met, he had long hair, wore black ALL the time and was into Metallica and NiN...
After a year at college, he's now cut all his hair off, wears what could be described as "rude-boy" clothing and listens to "drum and bass to the untrained ear" as he eloquently puts it..

I however, have been the slightly odd, dark person I've always been... Into gothicness and metal/rock music...

I'm so scared I'm losing him... Help?

Ilora x
I think youre just scared you dont fancy him anymore. He has started dressing in a way that you find unnattractive and listening to embarrassing music.
Problem is, hes fully within his rights to change his image, as are you fully within your rights to dress the same way forever. People change all the time, he will probably change many times, as will you. I used to have bright pink spikey hair and wore punky clothes, but these days I just wear normal clothes, I still make an effort and look nice, but I dont go out of my way to look alternative anymore. My husband used to be a full on rocker with waist length bleached hair and leathers. Nowadays he couldnt look more different, he has short spikey hair and I dont always like his clothes - hes just bought himself the most god awful lambretta jumper that ive told him hes only allowed to wear when hes not with me :lol: . People change and you have to allow them to do it, otherwise you are doing them a disservice.
I feel that you are now embarrassed about your boyfriend because you feel he is becoming part of a group that you previously would have ridiculed, yet you still love him. Of course you will have conflicting feelings.
Hopefully him changing his image wont ruin a perfectly good relationship for you, and I hope he still treats you the same as he did before. As long as hes not trying to make you change to be like him, theres no reason why you cant still get along, and if you dont want to go out with him anymore, I hope it doesnt ruin your friendship. Different social groups ARE allowed to mix with each other, just examine your real feelings about it, and make sure youre not feeling slightly snobby against anyone who doesnt look alternative (i dont mean that in a nasty way)

[molo]

Originally posted by rainbow brite
listening to embarrassing music.


drum and bass is not embaressing. it's just not to be listened to at exceddingly high volume for more than 4 hours.
and averagly has shit emcees.

other than it its dark blud!

carry on..

[twisted_trinity]

Originally posted by Ilora-Danon
The guy I've loved for 3 years went to college last year.
When we first met, he had long hair, wore black ALL the time and was into Metallica and NiN...


this is what you want

[twisted_trinity]

this....

[Lacy]

I see the changes made as an improvement personally.

[Kermit]

Originally posted by LacyMay
I see the changes made as an improvement personally.

Helpful and incisive as ever, I see.

[Kermit]

Originally posted by Ilora-Danon
It's not as simple as that. Grr You don't understand...

What do you mean then?

If he hasn't changed his personality but he's changed his clothes and his taste in music then perhaps you were as much in love with the image as you were with the boy wearing it.

If he's changed more than that, then perhaps the relationship has come to it's end, if youi don't like the person he has changed into. He's changed, he might change back but don't stay with him on the off-chance that he will.

Either way perhaps it's at the end- if you can't love him despite his clothes and music, or you can't love his changes, then you don't love him anymore. Simple as, I'm afraid.

[Zella]

Originally posted by luby
this....

Well hello:naughty:

[twisted_trinity]

yeah i know

HE'S MINE

even though he has a girlfriend

Luby

[twisted_trinity]

well i wish he was............................................... ..........
ohhhhhhh

(luby keeps on dreaming)

[Cute_Baby_Bear]

Originally posted by luby
this....

I have to say he's quite cute, despite being the total opposite of my usual guy...

Ilora, just follow your heart and talk to him about how you feel... Maybe he's just changed how he looks to fit in with the people at college and so that he doesn't get a load of hassle...