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View Full Version : How do I help my little sister? (long, sorry)


lisa simpson's saxophone
15-09-2003, 05:30 PM
My sister suffers from a form of OCD where she gets fixated on stuff and over-anxious about it. This is usually school stuff but not always. She went to the doctor when she was 11 and he gave her some sort of counselling which seemed to help, and her school are on the look out for her all the time, She's just been allowed to drop one of her GCSEs because the pressure's building (she'll be taking them this summer) and I don't know if that's going to help or not.

Basically, once she starts panicking about something, that's it, she won't stop. Just to give an example, she had this project for her art GCSE and she came up against a bit of a hurdle, so I sat there for ages with her going through possible ways round it and ways to branch out. But all she kept saying was 'no, I'm going to do something else instead...' even when I came up with loads of good ideas for her. She just wouldn't take any advice, all she wanted was to rip up all her preparatory work and start something new. She's dropped Art now and I don't know if that will help, but I hope so because it was becoming a real problem.

Anyway, my parents are getting really worried about her but I have to admit that sometimes I feel like they make it into a bigger thing than it is, making the problem worse. Like, as soon as she gets stressed about schoolwork I think they get worried that she's going to start spiralling down again, when as a student myself I see it as something everyone goes through every now and again.

I'm off to uni in a couple of weeks so I won't be around much longer, but I wondered if anyone has any advice anyway. Sometimes I feel guilty because I feel like I make her feel silly about stuff, but then again I don't want to indulge her too much because she thrives on it. She says stuff about 'my depression' and 'my illness' and sometimes (it sounds horrible but it's true) I think she likes to feel special, like she's got something wrong with her which other people haven't. Am I making any sense?

Sorry that this was a long one, and I know I've probably come across as a really horrible sister but I just want some advice from other people who've lived with depressed relatives or friends, because it's really hard knowing what to do.

badabing
15-09-2003, 07:44 PM
well if you think that she's thriving on it, maybe she is. something must be up to give you that impression. Maybe she is just generally a very panicky person? maybe she likes to worry people, or just have people tell her everything's 'ok'? To be honest, I dont think there's much that you can do. Just be thereb for her when she asks/looks like she needs you; And try and envcourage her to get on with it when she doesnt. I cant really offer anymore than that. Good luck

BumbleBee
16-09-2003, 11:50 AM
A good idea would be to make sure that you keep in touch with her, and try to offer her as much support as you can from wherever you may be! When you ring her or email her ask if there is anything you can help with. Let her know you are proud of her when she does well.

If she goes through a rough patch ask her to come and visit you as a means of taking her mind off the whole thing.

I understand your worries that she may be "faking it" a little sometimes for the attention, but at her age that is understandable. I think it would help if your parents didn't behave the way they do about it. I think your sister needs to learn that everyone suffers from excessive workloads and everybody has their moments when they just want to rip up all their work and crawl into a little ball. In that respect she isn't "special".

Good luck with it all!

lisa simpson's saxophone
16-09-2003, 11:57 AM
Thanks guys :)

I agree with both of you. Usually I do encourage her to get on with things and make her see that she's not the only one going through a rough time with work. But sometimes I worry that she'll think that means I'm being unsupportive or whatever, or that I don't care about what she's going through. It's difficult because as we've grown up it's always been basically that I'm the clever one, she's the sporty/arty one. But now she seems to think that means that I don't understand what she's going through, because I get good grades and she doesn't always. I think I'll be able to help more once I'm away at uni, because then I'll see things from another point of view ie not someone who has to put up with her moodswings all the time at home. I think she'll be ok, I'm kinda more worried about my family in general because of the atmosphere it generates when my parents start worrying about her.

Thanks again for your advice.

LSS

spanner
16-09-2003, 02:41 PM
I'm sure you probably know alot about the condition already, but we do have a feature on OCD here (http://www.thesite.org/magazine/specials_mental_health/anxiety_stress_and_phobias/obsessive_compulsive_disorder.html)
Secondly, you on't sound like a horrible sister at all, you sound like a very caring one who takes the time to think about what your sister is going through and why. If you keep doing that (even from a long distance) your sister can only benefit.
:)