What's the big deal with age gaps?

[LittleMissColey]

Why do people get so hung up with age gaps in relationships. I'm not even talking about huge gaps here! It's generally more accpeted when you're with someone older but even then people still get worked up about it. What's everyone's opinons here. I'm a 17 year old female by the way.

[wee wuman]

i dont have a problem with it but i bet you if someone said to you that a 20 year ol was going out with a 80 year old you would g "eewwwww" it happens!

[kosari193]

Personally I really don't have a problem with it. My boyfriend is three years younger than me(he's 18) and you should see the looks I get sometimes but with really huge age gaps ie a twenty year old with a fifty year old, it makes me wonder as to what they would even have in common!

[LittleMissColey]

I don't have a problem with it either, loads of my mates do though. Obviously extremes are just strange, I really don't understand what couples with large age gaps see in eachother, but just two years and people already start to say things, though it seems alright if the guys the older one.... hmmmmmm seems people say less as you both get older though. I'm rambling but hopefully you see what I'm getting at!

[sillystring]

personally i think anything up to about 10 years is a reasonable age gap but hey...whateva floats your boat really. some people can be like, mega mature and stuff so an age gap doesnt make any difference and you wouldnt notice it at all.
The Silly String

[Young and sexy]

I dont think age gaps are a problem in gerneral. Although there are certain circumstances ie: A 20 yr old and a12 yr old, or, a 70 yr old and a 40 yr old, for obvious reasons that i dont think i need to say.

But within reason, i dont see why there should be a problem with it at all :)

[DG]

When two people just click then the age gap seems unimportant ... but also the gaps can be interestinf - like when you're talking about your childhood you have different experiences to share.

[lil_minx]

**shrugs**

[kissmequick]

i pulled a 29 year old and when people found out they didnt really want to talk to me!! its just one of those silly things in life and people cant see through their own ignorance! (you all know what i mean)!!!

[kissmequick]

im 17 by the way

[BumbleBee]

I don't see anything wrong with age gaps when both people are above a certain age. I think an 18 year old going out with a 14 or 15 year old is wrong, because they can't possibly have anything in common.

My best friend is 20 and has a boyfriend who is 25. They've been together for 2 years now. She was still in sixth form and he worked full time, she got some stick for it but they're happy.

[perfect***day]

Personally, I don't think I'd have much in common with someone more than a couple of years older or younger than me, but if other people do have successful relationships with larger age gaps, then fair enough. To each his (or her) own!

The only point at which I draw the line is under 16s having relationships with anyone much older - maybe some young teenagers are more mature than others, but at the end of the day I think all of them are too impressionable and you do wonder what the older partner is after.

[Lil Laura]

Originally posted by perfect***day
The only point at which I draw the line is under 16s having relationships with anyone much older - maybe some young teenagers are more mature than others, but at the end of the day I think all of them are too impressionable and you do wonder what the older partner is after.

I knew a couple of 11/12 year olds who went out with a couple of 16 year olds. At least one of the couples slept together. :rolleyes:

I think age differences matter much less when you are older. The children I mentioned above had an age difference of 4/5 years between them and their boyfriends, yet an age difference of 5 years between a 27 and a 33 year old wouldn't shock anyone. I think it's much more to do with maturity than anything else, and what older partners want from the relationshop (anything from good sex to settling down and having a family). If both partners want the same thing, there shouldn't be any problem with age differences.

[Mist]

Age gaps matter when the two people are at emotionally different stages of their lives. However in these cases the relationships don't tend to last anyway, so in the end it doesn't matter. Yaay.

[Bri-namite]

I don't like the idea of a 21 year old lad going out with a 17 year old girl.

Especially when it's my fucking girlfriend he's nicked :mad:

Experience makes me bitter.

[molo]

Originally posted by Bri-namite
I don't like the idea of a 21 year old lad going out with a 17 year old girl.

Especially when it's my fucking girlfriend he's nicked :mad:

Experience makes me bitter.

don't worry, he'll treat her like crap and she'll regret it and realise your great..

by that time you will be able to not give a fuck about her... well you know what i mean.
TRUST!

oh yeah back to topic, age gaps that i don't like is 15 year olds with anyone above that. From many a time research, they don't know how to make it work and break hearts. thats why i ain't gonna go far from my age at all.

[Bri-namite]

Originally posted by molo

by that time you will be able to not give a fuck about her... well you know what i mean.


Correct :p

Which is why it happened almost 2 years ago, and now I don't give a fuck about her.

I never really agreed with age gaps like that even before that :eek2:

[its-playtime]

i dont have a problem with it but its like if u have a 12 year old going out with a 20 year old then thats just wrong but then if u have a 22 year old going out with a 30 year old then its fine, even though theres still 8 years between them.

oh all the numbers! :eek: never any good at maths!!

[Olive]

Originally posted by ±Lover±
I dont think there is anything wrong with this because my sister is 14 and he boyfriend of 6 months is 18,

personally i think that's wrong.

a 14 year old and an 18 year old are at very different stages in their emotional development.

you can say age doesn't matter til you're blue in the face, but if you're under 18 age matters. a lot.

if you're over 18 get with whoever you want, but before then you're still a kid and should stick to going out with other kids.

[kissmequick]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by ±Lover±
[B]I'm also 17 and i pulled a 32 year old and nobody really minded and nither did i and just forgot about it.



I dont think there is anything wrong with this because my sister is 14 and he boyfriend of 6 months is 18

I think this is wrong too,thats just not right, shes still a child and developing whereas hes nearly finished his development.

[BumbleBee]

Originally posted by ±Lover±
I dont think there is anything wrong with this because my sister is 14 and he boyfriend of 6 months is 18, hes older than my boyfriend
Why does an adult want to go out with a child? Ewww. :eek2:

[sxy bunny grl]

I agree with what other people saying about teens and adults being wrong but otherwise its ok within reason, and 14 and 18? i dont get it?surely shed have to be in by 9:00? theyd have nothing to talk about really?and i hope there not doing anything sexual together, this is what i have a problem with!Not so much the age gap but young adults pressuring kids into sex because its the kool thing to do!Grrr im rambling

[Molly]

Originally posted by sxy bunny grl
I agree with what other people saying about teens and adults being wrong but otherwise its ok within reason, and 14 and 18? i dont get it?surely shed have to be in by 9:00? theyd have nothing to talk about really?and i hope there not doing anything sexual together, this is what i have a problem with!Not so much the age gap but young adults pressuring kids into sex because its the kool thing to do!Grrr im rambling
Agreed! Does he driver her to school and pick her up? (although I hope he has a job or studies tbh!)
They can't go to any pubs or out clubbing because she is far too young. If she has responsible parents surely they ask her to be home by 9.30pm at the latest? How can you maintain that kind of relationship? I mean, some 14 year olds haven't even developed fully? What is there to find sexually attractive in a 14 year old child when you're a fully grown adult?

[LittleMissColey]

Ok so lets see what people think. Do you think it's more acceptable for say a 15 yr old guy to go out with a 18 yr old girl, or a 15 yr old girl to go out with a 18 yr old guy?

So far people have used the guy as the older one of the two in their examples, so I'm just curious.

[HunnyPot]

Originally posted by LittleMissColey
Ok so lets see what people think. Do you think it's more acceptable for say a 15 yr old guy to go out with a 18 yr old girl, or a 15 yr old girl to go out with a 18 yr old guy?

So far people have used the guy as the older one of the two in their examples, so I'm just curious.

They're equally wrong imho.

[BumbleBee]

Originally posted by LittleMissColey
Ok so lets see what people think. Do you think it's more acceptable for say a 15 yr old guy to go out with a 18 yr old girl, or a 15 yr old girl to go out with a 18 yr old guy?

So far people have used the guy as the older one of the two in their examples, so I'm just curious.
We use the bloke as an example because women in general are less likely, aged 18, to want a child as a partner.

[Capacity]

Originally posted by legal junkie
personally i think that's wrong.

a 14 year old and an 18 year old are at very different stages in their emotional development.

you can say age doesn't matter til you're blue in the face, but if you're under 18 age matters. a lot.



Dont ppl say that girls mature 2 years ahead of guys so really its like 18 & 16? or aint i makin any sense?

[BumbleBee]

Originally posted by MoonWalkingsFun
Dont ppl say that girls mature 2 years ahead of guys so really its like 18 & 16? or aint i makin any sense? :lol:
It does not matter what their mental age is, in all honesty, girls are more mature at 16 than blokes will be when they're 25, but only in some respects.

[Capacity]

It does not matter what their mental age is, in all honesty, girls are more mature at 16 than blokes will be when they're 25, but only in some respects.


Blah, Thats what joo believe :p


End of the day, if ur with someone u like then ur with someone u like... and if you like them it doesnt matter what age. U aint gotta be with people for anyone else but yourself.

It does have more of an effect when your younger but it doesnt mean the effect is totally negative. If u go thru life not experiencing and experimenting when your young you wind up knowing about as much as a taxi driver.

[molo]

Originally posted by MoonWalkingsFun
Blah, Thats what joo believe :p


End of the day, if ur with someone u like then ur with someone u like... and if you like them it doesnt matter what age. U aint gotta be with people for anyone else but yourself.

It does have more of an effect when your younger but it doesnt mean the effect is totally negative. If u go thru life not experiencing and experimenting when your young you wind up knowing about as much as a taxi driver.

yes i used to believe age didn't matter as it was drilled into me by my ex girlfriend whose 15 when i'm 17..oooh ooh i'm 18 now!
but anyway. her maturity was never helping things and thats why she is an ex

however much we all want to believe the main factor is you like eachother, the other factors such as maturity make a massive impact.

i've seen this arguement so many times on this site. 14/15/16 maybe even 17 year olds should stick to own ages really for best effects!

obviously its not a rule and there will be exceptions, its jus it is unfourtuantly true.

[Capacity]

I was just gona meet someone younger than me tomorrow as well... now it feels weird :lol:

[molo]

Originally posted by MoonWalkingsFun
I was just gona meet someone younger than me tomorrow as well... now it feels weird :lol:

well give it a go but don't hold high expectations!

listen to the birthday boy!

[Capacity]

lol happy birthday....

I aint holdin no high expectations... I just text her - no reply... think shes got no credit tho unless ive done somethin to piss her off, again.

[Mr_Wobble]

I don't think age gaps are as much of an issue once both people are over 20. But the 16 year olds going out with 25 year olds sort of age gaps are a bit strange.

Mr_Wobble ;)

[BumbleBee]

Originally posted by MoonWalkingsFun
Blah, Thats what joo believe :p


End of the day, if ur with someone u like then ur with someone u like... and if you like them it doesnt matter what age. U aint gotta be with people for anyone else but yourself.

It does have more of an effect when your younger but it doesnt mean the effect is totally negative. If u go thru life not experiencing and experimenting when your young you wind up knowing about as much as a taxi driver.
Yes that is what I believe and I am talking from experience.
When I was 13 I went out with a lad who was 17, then he turned he and I turned 14 and even then it was really quite disturbing. My parents didn't know how old he was either. He had the maturity of an unripened bananna and an IQ to match. So, please do NOT presume to tell me that I will go through life not experimenting and experiencing. :rolleyes:

[Harmless]

I'm currently seeing someone 8 years older than me, It's quite strange at times, and she gets the full brunt of the "looks" at work. Everyone knows, but we try and not let it bother us.

I have done a little bragging to my mates (she done that same) Although, I'm not quite sure how and why she brags?!:eek2: *She's very fit and sexy and could easily get a guy her own age!*

As for all these mature remarks, She can be more of a teenage than me!!:p

[Capacity]

Originally posted by BumbleBee
Yes that is what I believe and I am talking from experience.
When I was 13 I went out with a lad who was 17, then he turned he and I turned 14 and even then it was really quite disturbing. My parents didn't know how old he was either. He had the maturity of an unripened bananna and an IQ to match. So, please do NOT presume to tell me that I will go through life not experimenting and experiencing. :rolleyes:

Sounds like someones going into abit of a decline :rolleyes:

I wasnt talking to you directly, I was giving my opinion to anyone who wanted to read it

[PRETTYgreenEYES]

im 15 and my boyfriend is 18 yet we have so much in common! its an age gap of 3 years and we also have the same level of maturity we can have a serious conversation or just talk about a load of rubbish

[PRETTYgreenEYES]

im 15 and my boyfriend is 18 yet we have so much in common! its an age gap of 3 years and we also have the same level of maturity we can have a serious conversation or just talk about a load of rubbish

[Ilora-Danon]

I have a problem with age gaps. Only because I know what they can do to a relationship.
My dad is 9 years my mums senior, and it's terrible. My mum still feels young and wants a social life, whereas at 54, my dad's ready to sit in an armchair with his reading glasses and a fly fishing magazine... They permanently argue about stupid things to do with how they were brought up in different decades.. it's just awful.
I can understand a couple of years, (I like someone a year younger than myself) but anymore than that I just don't see the point.
I wouldn't want to marry someone who was gonna be in an "old age" mindset ahead of myself!!

But that's just me :p

[Preciosa]

I don't see the problem with age gaps.

I'm 16 and have a 21 year old boyfriend. He's amazing. We're just on the same wavelength... we've both been through a lot of similar experiences and we just connect.

After his marriage to my mother, my Dad remarried a woman 19 years younger than him. I've never seen either of them happier (I knew the woman before they had a relationship). The age gap isn't even an issue.

So yeah, if you're compatible with someone, why does it matter if they're older or younger than you? Because if you're comfortable with it, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks.

[Ilora-Danon]

Originally posted by Preciosa
I don't see the problem with age gaps.

I'm 16 and have a 21 year old boyfriend. He's amazing. We're just on the same wavelength... we've both been through a lot of similar experiences and we just connect. What could a 21 year old man possibly want from a 16 year old girl?
He should be out clubbing and pulling chicks his own age not dining at Pizza Hut with his possibly kid sister... :rolleyes:

[Preciosa]

It's not like that. At all.

When I first met him and found out he was 21, I was like "Whoa. Too old. Keep your distance." He couldn't believe it when he found out I was 16 either, he thought I was at least 18. But we carried on hanging out anyway because we got on really well, and after getting to know either other better we decided that the age thing didn't matter and got together.

I can understand the way you feel about age gaps, but you can't apply what you've experienced and tar everyone with the same brush. We're all different, non?

[Olive]

in my experience, when you find a man going for a much younger girl, it's because either he can't find anyone his own age, or because he thinks she'll be more easily convinced to have sex with him.

[Preciosa]

*Sighs*

Maybe you're right, Kaffrin, maybe you're right.

I don't know. Bleh. I had all these doubts that people have been suggesting in my head before the relationship happened. But it just doesn't seem that way...

*Is depressed now*

I'm gonna go listen to some depressing music and contemplate...

[machine_x]

this guys like 4/5 years older than you yeah?
ordinarily if you were like 18 and he was 23/24 it'd be ok i guess,you'd both be adults but the fact is he a adult hitting on a teenage girl,i think kaffirns right when you got someone like that theyre either to crap at getting people there own age or think that it'd be easier to sleep with younger girls because they can manipulate them......
be careful not to get hurt ok
people like that could be one of those "funny people",you know what im talking about right?,those creepy little men that go for the vunerable little girls...
anywayz play it how you feel fit to,good luck with whatever you choose to do.......
:p
:)

[Preciosa]

But the thing is, he has no problems getting girls his age. At all. He practically has girls asking him to shag them.

Nor has he tried to force me into sex. Or even suggested it when I said that I was only 16. He said he'd wait and that he was OK with that.

But you're right, I should be careful.

And he's not creepy :p.

Bleh... life's a bitch, hey?

[Zombie]

Originally posted by BumbleBee
I don't see anything wrong with age gaps when both people are above a certain age. I think an 18 year old going out with a 14 or 15 year old is wrong, because they can't possibly have anything in common.



I'm 15, and my boyfriend's 18. And we're doing fine.

It depends on what kind of relationship you want, I guess. I really can't see myself with a 15 year old guy. I'd say him being 18 fits with me well. And I'm happy with it, and so is he, so what's wrong with it? Obviously we do match up 'cause we've been together for over a year.

Anyway, age caps only matter if it's obvious that it's well, ewwish. Like, as said before, a 20 year old with a 12 year old, or a 70 year old with a 40 year old.

[machine_x]

make sure you are careful hun,dont do nothing you dont want to,just because he comes across all normal dont mean he aint potentially dangerous....
yeh life can be a bitch lol
i decide to fight the bitchiness and embrace the warmth and love from it....................ha yeh right!!

[Harmless]

Originally posted by kaffrin
in my experience, when you find a man going for a much younger girl, it's because either he can't find anyone his own age, or because he thinks she'll be more easily convinced to have sex with him.

Aye, and the second one is mostly true :p

[Lacy]

Originally posted by Harmless
Aye, and the second one is mostly true :p

Now i see... :p

[kosari193]

I think my boyfriend is pretty chuffed that he mamaged to pull an older woman. Most people who know us are utterly fine with it as a) he's very mature for his age and b) most people know when you're both adults andb it shouldn't matter. I think he enjoys telling all his mates though that am this older woman who seduded him( which is so far from the truth its farcical!)

[dr_carter]

I am 17 and going out with someone who is 14 - she is developed, my height EXACTLY, she can easily get served in the pub, most people think she's my age when i'm out.
I did get a little bit of shit about her age when i told my mates but after they saw her and talked to her they realised that she's so mature it's difficult to believe she is only 14.
I wouldn't go out with any of her friends even though they're all lovely cos they're too immature, but me and her can talk for absolutely hours cos we have loads in common, I haven't done anything physical with her and i won't even think about it until she reaches 16.
So it's really not possible to say that age gaps in general when people are 14/17 are sick etc.... everyone thinks i'm sick in the head when i say how old she is, but i haven't done anything physical, she acts my age and we have so much in common i really don't see the problem.

[rachie004]

Its all just a number.. why does an age gap HAVE to mean that they having nothing in common what so ever?

[dr_carter]

Originally posted by rachie004
Its all just a number.. why does an age gap HAVE to mean that they having nothing in common what so ever?

Precisely - everyone thinks that when you're going out with someone three years younger you automatically are just doing it cos they're easy or something..... which is certainly not true! But we were best friends before it, I just never understood why people had a problem with my relationship....

[*DEVIL*]

put it this way:

girl 18
boy 14

would you feel the same?

Just saying i am 18 my new boyf is 25

I am so happy, i am a mature person we get along great! so i cant personally see it, however what we need to think...is that not all parents are so supportive, theses children go the wrong way, face it, and how do we know there is sex, in a majority of cases probably, BUT not everyone acts and feels like we all do!

[dr_carter]

Originally posted by *DEVIL*
put it this way:

girl 18
boy 14

would you feel the same?


Depends..... if i were 14, and i liked someone who was 18, and i think i'm mature enough, we have a lot in common etc, then so be it, but i at least have guidance to know when it's just getting silly (a year ago, i liked someone who was 22, and i was 16 - she liked me but we both decided that it would be silly cos we weren't on the same maturity level, we only had one or two things in common which is how we met, etc and hence it wouldn't have worked.)


I am so happy, i am a mature person we get along great! so i cant personally see it, however what we need to think...is that not all parents are so supportive, theses children go the wrong way, face it, and how do we know there is sex, in a majority of cases probably, BUT not everyone acts and feels like we all do!

My parents are actually not remotely supportive of me - her parents have met me, etc, and think i'm really nice, but my parents were somewhat disgusted originally and still haven't warmed to the idea of us being together. I think their big problem is if we're having sex, which i've told them repeatedly we're not, they just do not have any faith in my morals.
Incidentally, this is a match made in heaven - last year i decided that i wanted to go to university in Australia, and am currently going through the application process for the ANU in Canberra - after i asked her out she said she wanted to but didn't want to fall in love because her family was migrating to Australia in two and a half years and she didn't want to get too attached to someone - i couldn't believe my luck, neither could she. and we still can't find the massive catch in the perfection :-)