Bonding with people

[Bri-namite]

Does anyone else find it really hard to bond with people, be it friends/girlfriends, etc :confused:

What I mean by that is, I've got friends who can have a laugh with, go have a drink or three, have a dance, a laugh, whatever. The thing is, I find it really hard to talk to them about things, because some of them do have a history of blabbing about stuff to other people. I know that happens in life, but I just find it really hard to talk to them about personal things. One of the guys I spend a lot of time with, seems to have a total problem with me even just talking to girls. It kinda sucks, but they aren't the kind of people who I'd completelt trust with things.

Then I've got a couple of girls who I maybe do have more of a bond with, but they're both exes, and a lot of the stuff I sometimes feel I need to talk about are to do with them, and it's just really difficult sometimes. It's really weird.

I know a bond with a person isn't something you can create overnight, but it's really beginning to weigh on my mind, and I sometimes think maybe it's because I'm not trusting enough or whatever ??

I dunno, maybe it's because I'm a wee bit immature, and should trust people more.

Uhh yeah, any thoughts/ideas whatever would be nice :)

[badabing]

if these mates of yours have reputations of blabbing things to people who it has nothing to do with, i dont blame you for not feeling comfortable enough in confiding in them.

Sometimes it is a trust thing, i often find i need to tell someone, anyone, some of my problems some of the time, and i have to get it off my chest whether i trust the buggar or not, but i wouldnt advice just 'doing' this, at the end of the day - these rae your most private thoughts, they're your secrets, they shouldnt just be tossed about for amusment.

I can see how hard it is (in relation to your exes) to talk to someone about a problem of yours, that does actually involve that person, but at the same time, im sure that (im assuming these were long term relationships here) with all the past behind you, and that fact that you can still talk to each other and be friends despite having once been lovers, that your ex(s) will understand that you need someone to talk to. Basically what im trying to say is, that these girls are your friends, your very close friends, people whom i get the feel that you can talk about anything to. Why not tr? Ok, fair enough, if its a problem you have involving them themseves, you might want to ask them if they mind talking about it (AS FRIENDS) before you blurt all your feelings out, but if they're as good a people as something that's telling me they are - i think you'll be fine and they'll listen and help you as much as they can.

I know i've waffled on here, but personally, i dont think you should trust everyone anyway. If you have a long term partner i think its completely important to trust them,. but even then you dont always want to share everything with them - somethings are lads things, or parents things or what not.

Dont worry about it, you've got forever to find a way of feeling comfortable in who you talk to things about, but if something inside is telling you it's your problem that you're too untrusting, then maybe you do need to start letting a little out every now and again. Something thats not too personal, then if it gets out, you wont be too hurt, and you'll know exactly who let it out (that is if you only tell one person of course!).

ok sorry about that - i went off on one, apologies lovey :thumb:

[KinkyBoots]

I know what you mean. I personally find it really hard to trust people with things about my life because I have a bad history of people letting me down/telling others/breaking my trust/using me, the list goes on.

I couldnt honestly say that I can trust anyone with my life although Id like to say that I can. I wish I could trust people a lot more because I know some great people, but doesnt mean I dont trust them at all, just not as much as Id like.

As for the bond thing - theres things I can tell some people but not others.

I know i've waffled on here, but personally, i dont think you should trust everyone anyway. If you have a long term partner i think its completely important to trust them,. but even then you dont always want to share everything with them - somethings are lads things, or parents things or what not.

Yeah, I agree with that :)

[VinylVicky]

I find it extremely easy to bond with people except potential boyfs and my mates mum who has been working with single parent families has told me this could be due to the fact I dint have a dad. At first I was like bollox! aint true mate! But then she asked me do I

[VinylVicky]

I find it extremely easy to bond with people except potential boyfs and my mates mum who has been working with single parent families has told me this could be due to the fact I dint have a dad. At first I was like bollox! aint true mate! But then she asked me do I meet guys and like them loads at first, I said kinda yeah, then she said but when they return the feelings do i freak out and lose it and I said well yeah, as it happens. she explained cos ive never had a father figure to love im secretly craving it (sub-consciously) but cos ive never had it I dont know how to deal with it! Um it all rings true except Ive never felt I really wanted a dad. So, im gona have shed loadsa friends and be single for the rest of my life!!

:D

[Char_Baby]

i find it easy to bond with people as long as we dont argue or whatever during the beggining of the relationship

[sillystring]

ahhh...you know, some people find it more easy than others to trust people. i'm not one of the naturally trusting people either...in fact it takes me ages to get used to the idea of actually talking to someone about myself and what REALLY goes on inside my head. dont get in a tizz about it though. if you've been hurt or trust been broken before then its harder the next time round. fools forgive and forget and silly people just forget but the truly wise forgive but do not forget...and that is my wise sentence for today. hmm. nah really, just give stuff time and be prepared to share with people (this is a two way thing) and get to know them well before you tell them important stuff; build up your trust in them by telling them less inportant stuff if you like.
The Silly String

[BeckyBoo]

Trusting people can be hard. If time after time you feel that someone has betrayed your trust then that can blow it for any future friends you may have.

Trust I suppose has to be earned from both parties, be it b/f, g/f thing or even just friends. Once you feel comfortable with someone then you will open up and be more trusting. Its all to do with time, the longer you know someone then youre more likely to be able to trust them :)

[byny]

I have very few real friends. My biggest bond is with my boyfriend but then if we hadn't bonded by now we'd be fucked as we live together!

I have about 5 really good friends who I trust and love but I find it really hard to do that superficial friendship thing, mainly because i can't stand small talk and niceties. If people bore me I just want to leave.

Sometimes I meet people who really intirige me and who I feel I can really relate to but thats very rare, and often they are as cagey as me so we never get it together to become really close.

One surprising thing is the fact that I have bonded so well with some of my Boyfriends mates, one of whom is so similar to me that we fought like cat and dog at first, and knew exactly which buttons to press to get a reaction from eachother. Now I just love him.