BF/GF vs FRIENDS opinions!

[lil_minx]

Part of me thinks that im being really pathetic-and part of me doesn’t, because it’s the principle of the situation. So I thought id have a rant and at the same time get some fo your opinions about whether im being a pathetic cow… :D

Basically, on Sunday my fella and I arranged to see each other tonight, and because ive been feeling realy down recently we were going to sleep at my place instead of his (cus I don’t like staying at his) and have a late night and snuggle up with a bottle of wine afterwards.

Last night I got a call from my friend, its his birthday today and he invited me to a bar for some drinks with the rest of my mates. Id already made plans with my man, so called my bf to see if he would come to the bar today. He said that he didn’t want to go to a bar cus its not his sort of place… (u have to wear shoes there and he doesn’t like wearing shoes). I didn’t want to go back on an arrangement with my bf, so I told my friend I couldn’t go. (quite upset)

Then my bf calls and asks if I want to go to a bar (where u don’t have to wear shoes—big deal, and where im barred I might add so it was obvious I cant go) with his friends tonight and afterwards go to the cinema with them. I said that I really didn’t want to. So he said, “well im going to go anyway, i havent seen my friends in ages” (since last saturday night--i havent seen my friends that i should be seing tonight in a month)

Im really pissed off that im willing to miss my friends bday so that I wont go back on plans I made with my bf, while he seems more than happy to ditch me to go out with his mates…. (might I add, every weekend I don’t have a choice of what we do together because we do whatever his friends want to do)

Am I being really pathetic, or not? What do you think…. I know you shouldnt ditch ur mates for ur gf/bf but you shouldnt ditch your gf/bf for your mates either right?

i dont know.......

[Sir Cum]

You are not pathetic as he is being a hypocrit. Did you tell him this? Point out that you turned down your friends party when he said he didn't want to go etc?

[perfect***day]

You're not pathetic at all!! Tell your boyfriend you're upset, point out to him that you'd already arranged to see each other tonight and you have sacrificed seeing a friend, but he hasn't and he should have done.

You shouldn't let him get away with this, I wouldn't or it'll just happen too often!

[lil_minx]

do you not think that its a bt pathetic im getting so worked up over that though? cus im all confused about whats the right thing to do (friends vs bf) and whether im just being too serious about it all....

[perfect***day]

I don't think you should get too worked up about it, because at the end of the day it's just one evening, BUT I do think you should talk to your boyfriend about it and say you're upset, and make sure it doesn't become a regular thing. Or is it regular already? You say that your social life at the weekends depends on what your boyfriends mates are doing... hmm, don't let yourself be pushed around.

In your situation I would be just as upset, don't worry :) especially if I'd been looking forward to it since Sunday. Talk to him and hope that he's receptive and understanding.

[Toadborg]

It seems your boyfriend is the person being unreasonable.

A relationship is about compromise (tired cliche :p ) Both of you should make time to see your friends and do your own thing sometimes, particulalry if your seperate groups of freinds don't different things.......

I also find it is best not to make plans more then 1 or 2 days in advance because situation like that one always come up when you plan to do things a while back.........

[D'OHnut]

I'd always put girlfriends before friends, not least because she would be a very good friend of mine.

Why don't you compromise? You could, for instance, go to your friend's birthday party, your boyfriend could go out with his mates and you two could reschedule your night in?

[jacaranda]

Friends should be put equally if not before girlfriends or boyfriends

[perfect***day]

Originally posted by jacaranda
Friends should be put equally if not before girlfriends or boyfriends
Hmm, in a way I agree with you but in this situation I don't think I do - and that's not the issue anyway - it's a simple case of sticking to what you've arranged and not cancelling a date because something better turns up. If it were the other way round and her boyfriend had arranged a night in with his friends, then I wouldn't expect him to cancel on them last-min to spend the evening with her instead.
Did that make sense? :confused:

[BumbleBee]

No you are not being pathetic of unreasonable. Try explaining the situation to your boyfriend in the same way you explained it to us. He is being a hypocrite and it isn't fair.

I think friends and partners should have equal weighting in any relationship.

[SuzyCreamcheese]

Originally posted by jacaranda
Friends should be put equally if not before girlfriends or boyfriends
wow your relationships are likely to last a long time

[SuzyCreamcheese]

id be a bit pissed off with him definitely, but just phone your mate, and go out with him after all.

[D'OHnut]

Originally posted by jacaranda
Friends should be put equally if not before girlfriends or boyfriends

So you don't think that 'romantic' love, as opposed to mere lust or infatuation, is more important than the platonic love for your friends?

Of course I'm not saying ignore your friends - the opposite, in fact - but I am arguing that a partner, especially within a long-term relationship, should come before a mere friend.

[perfect***day]

Originally posted by rainbow brite
wow your relationships are likely to last a long time
No, I think that's a lil harsh! Friends have usually been around for a lot longer, and remember if a relationship ends then it's your friends whom you turn to as a shoulder to cry on! There's no reason to place boyfriends/girlfriends above your good friends.

[SuzyCreamcheese]

well id be a bit miffed if my husband put his friends before me, and i wouldnt put my friends before him. I wouldnt ask any of my friends to put me before their partners either. Ive never really had a problem with this though, Ive never really had to ask to be put first nor have i been asked. its just kind of an unwritten rule. I guess if were talking about 2 week teenage relationships then maybe its different.

[BeckyBoo]

He is being unreasonable here......not you.

If he carries on getting away without you even challenging him then he will keep on doing it.

Tell him he's pissed you off and why :)

[Ladon J]

Not that I'm trying to get hated here, but shouldn't you have remembered your friend's birthday anyway? :D
Sorry, but I thought it was a good point.

But I think if you're willing to give up your friend's birthday to be with your partner, then he should understand the situation and do the same for you.

On the other hand I think friends should understand each other, but as it was their birthday, it was an important occaision, and you probably shouldn't have felt like you had to give it up.

[byny]

OK - firstly

When you called your boyfriend and asked if he'd like to go to the bar with your mates did he tell you he didn't want you to go without him or did he just say that he didn't fancy it - thus leaving it up to you to make the decision about whether to go without him??

If he was cool about you going on your own and you decided that instead you'd rather still meet up with him then you are right to feel annoyed that he then decided he'd change the plans and dump you to go out with his mates.

From what you have written before it sounds to me like he isn't putting much back into the relationship at the moment and perhaps you need to find out why?

However, - why not make a bit more of an effort on your part not to spend all your time with your boyfriend. Its a right turn off when a girlfriend wants her boyfriend to be all of her life, all of her social life. And I guess he did the same as you in that he was offered a different night out, he called you up, asked if you fancied it, you said no - so he decided to go on his own. Its not really a crime.

You should go out with your mates, if they are good mates they won't mind you changing your mind...and its not as if you made a commitment to them in the first place is it? One piece of advice thoug - don't spend all night talking and moaning about your boyfriend, If you really want to go out with your friends (And it seems that you do) then make sure you show them that you are having a good time in their company.


Don't waste the time you have with them by moaning about your relationship because they will start to wonder why you are even with him (and they also will only have your side of the storY!)

[lil_minx]

Well... i read ur opinions, thanks they were all helpfull and interesting in diff ways...

i decided not to go out with my mates, i was in a bit of a childish strop so stayed in (didnt want to spoil ma mates night...)

hehe i shuda remember ma mates bday Ladon J-- but bdays have never been my strong point, im lucky if i can remembr my familys most of the time ;)

I know i shouldnt spend so much time with my bf, and we do spend certain days always with our friends, but certain days always together kinda like a routine that weve had for years to stop being dissappointed (unless theres a special occasion etc)

Anyway, i stayed in had a great night alone (dont have many of them so was nice) and about 1:20 on saturday morning my bf came over to spend the rest of the night with me (we didnt go to bed) so all was good in the end :)

And next time i want to do something with my friends im going to do it whether he does or not :D i need my own life too right. normally he moans if i dont want to do what he wants to do and i cave in... but we have to change the way we do things.

thanks people!

[perfect***day]

Originally posted by lil_minx

And next time i want to do something with my friends im going to do it whether he does or not :D i need my own life too right. normally he moans if i dont want to do what he wants to do and i cave in... but we have to change the way we do things.

thanks people!
Good for you :) sounds like you know what to do now. And I'm glad you had a good night in the end :)

[lil_minx]

Originally posted by perfect***day
Good for you :) sounds like you know what to do now. And I'm glad you had a good night in the end :)

thanks hunni bunni

[VinylVicky]

Personally if you had decided to stay in with him and not see your mates he should have the decency to stay in but I wuld have gone to my mates bday anyway, even if just for an hour. Im sorry but boyfs, no matter how much you love them etc friends are friends and they are likely to be around longer, not just any friends though, good ones I mean.



NOTE: This could be why im single! :)

[lil_minx]

Originally posted by VinylVicky
NOTE: This could be why im single! :)

nooo its not! :)

i get what ur saying thats my philosophy to an extent... until i met my man but with him hes my best mate too so it gets a bit tricky... ive known him longer than a lot of my mates too...

guess its about balance not neglecting either (and im very guilty of neglecting my mates...) :(

[VinylVicky]

sensible: maybe you could get everybody to interact a bit more? would you/boyf/mates be up for that?

revenge: or why dont you plan a lil taste of your own medicine on your boyf so that he thinks hes being dropped and will never do it to you again?

[lil_minx]

sensible....ah my bf isnt too hot on my mates.... they dont have anything in common (all my bf mates ae .. well, druggys :p) and mine arent hehe, he likes them i guess, we all have a laugh at partys--but that seems to be the only time!

revenge: hehehe very cunning, but i dnt want to hurt him... but i guess once or twice wont hurt right?! :p hehe.. maybe :p

[VinylVicky]

Originally posted by lil_minx
sensible....ah my bf isnt too hot on my mates.... they dont have anything in common (all my bf mates ae .. well, druggys :p) and mine arent hehe, he likes them i guess, we all have a laugh at partys--but that seems to be the only time!

revenge: hehehe very cunning, but i dnt want to hurt him... but i guess once or twice wont hurt right?! :p hehe.. maybe :p

theres no need to hurt him, just let him know that your a wanted girl and he'll soon be begging you to stay in:naughty:

and yeah, dont mix your mates and boyf then!!!! I once had an "undruggy" boyf and him with my mates was like mixing electric and water! so yeah Id agree with ya there!

[lil_minx]

hehehe well they get on well enough .. no arguments over drugs, they have a giggle about it and make jokes but jokes seems to be all it is..... and theres only so many jokes i can stand before i need a proper convo! :p

electric and water... hehe made me giggle :)

i like the plan ... :naughty:

[VinylVicky]

well if you go for it you gotta keep me informed;)