Why ?

[BeckyBoo]

This is aimed at the younger members but im very curious as to why having sex is so important to some of you. Like you meet someone and its "hey lets have sex".
Why not wait until you actually really know the guy/girl ? why jump in bed with him/her ?
Now I dont normally post in here so members from anything goes will know im not a stuck up old biddy I just couldnt jump into bed with someone I just met. Id have to know him and have feelings for him.
I just cant beleive so many people are ok to just jump into bed with people they dont know. so help me to understand what its like for you and why you do it :)

[Kazbo]

hmmm...I slept wih my current fella the first day I met him...why cos we me forsex basically. Got to know him on the net day before. We purely met for sex really and cos I wanted a massage whic he offerd.

Saw each other for a couple pf weeks, never knew what was happening and so left hm for someone who offered me a rel. Few months later realised what I'd lost after he bcame my best mate and well yeah am falling in love with him jow, what can I say.

But I don't think sleeping together has caused us any problems or ever will do. Just one of them things. :D

[Mr_Wobble]

Originally posted by BeckyBoo

Why not wait until you actually really know the guy/girl ? why jump in bed with him/her ?
Well, I can think of three good reasons...

1) I'm horny.
2) She's horny.
3) We're horny.

Mr_Wobble ;)

[xapis]

I don't think I would ever want to jump into bed with someone straight away, I'm a waiting kind of girl...

[perfect***day]

I don't think it's just the 'younger members' who think sex is so important Becky! I think it really depends on the person - some people just don't care about sex and will sleep with anyone just cos they want sex... some people meet someone they're crazy about and want to have sex with them asap... some people meet someone they're crazy about and therefore want to leave it a while, until they both care a lot about each other, until they sleep together.

I'm in the last category although that is because my bf and I were both virgins before we slept together - we didn't want to rush into anything and for a while we had enough fun without full sex ;) ...but each to his own really. I don't think it's a matter of whether you're young or not.

[*hellie*]

I have slept with people straight away before and most of the time it is because I find them very attractive but don't really see a future in a relationship with them. I enjoy sex and to be honest I don't really see the point in waiting for several months just to sleep with someone, I'm young, I want to have fun. As long as I'm being careful I don't see the harm.

[D'OHnut]

Originally posted by xapis
I don't think I would ever want to jump into bed with someone straight away

:crying:

[i]Originally posted by *hellie*[i]
I enjoy sex and to be honest I don't really see the point in waiting for several months just to sleep with someone

:naughty:

More seriously, I sincerely believe that is it up to the individual to decide when he or she is ready to have sex. This will vary from person to person and will probably be based on a range of factors, from horniness and shyness to being in a loving, caring and happy relationship with a partner.

I have had one-night stands before, but I have also waited until the right moment to have partial and full sex. If it happens quickly, that is fine; but if it takes a while, that is similarly acceptable, for it is 'better late than never.' In essence, it is based on a willingness and happiness to do it, whenever that might be.

[BumbleBee]

I have to say I agree with Becky. My personal opinion is that I could not sleep with someone who I had just met. I would have to like them and care for them. In actual fact I am of the mind that I would actually have to love that person - or at the very least see the potential to love them. I would also only sleep with someone if I was in a relationship with them.

I can understand why other people might not mind one night stands, after all sex is freedom of expression and I don't begrudge anyone else their opinions!

[D'OHnut]

Originally posted by BumbleBee
I have to say I agree with Becky. My personal opinion is that I could not sleep with someone who I had just met. I would have to like them and care for them. In actual fact I am of the mind that I would actually have to love that person - or at the very least see the potential to love them. I would also only sleep with someone if I was in a relationship with them.

I can understand why other people might not mind one night stands, after all sex is freedom of expression and I don't begrudge anyone else their opinions!

Stinger and Becky:

Out of curiosity, have you had one-night stands? How long (days, weeks) have you waited to have partial or full sex in a relationship?

I ask these questions because before I had one-night stands I did not like the idea of having sex outside of happy relationships.

[BumbleBee]

Originally posted by Mobily's Ghost

Out of curiosity, have you had one-night stands? How long (days, weeks) have you waited to have partial or full sex in a relationship?
I ask these questions because before I had one-night stands I did not like the idea of having sex outside of happy relationships.

No I have not, because I do not like the idea. That is because I am of the opinion (as I have already stated I am sure) that sex should be between two people who care deeply for one another. Like I also said, I am able to appreciate (and therefore do not condemn those who do) the reasons why people have one night stands. There is therefore no reason for you to get defensive about it. If I am able to respect your opinion why then can you not respect mine? :confused:

I have only ever had sex with one person and that suits me fine, I am still with this person, so I do not expect to be having sex with someone else in the near future. I waited three months before having sex with that person, although I really do not see what that has to do with it.

And it is BumbleBee to you! :p

[BumbleBee]

Originally posted by Mobily's Ghost
'What you haven't done you don't know.'
I haven't done a lot of things, so am I not entitled to an opinion on those things either?
I fail to see why you are so defensive. Opinions were asked for and I gave mine without slagging off anybody or their opinions. I am intrigued as to why you are choosing to behave in this manner and become so defensive. I did acknowledge several times that although I personally would not have sex outside of a loving relationship, I do not hold anything against those who do. I do not judge them, I do not consider them to be "loose" or "easy". Chill out.

[BumbleBee]

I notice that you have deleted the message to which I was replying in my previous post:
quote:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Mobily's Ghost
'What you haven't done you don't know.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[D'OHnut]

Originally posted by BumbleBee
No I have not, because I do not like the idea. That is because I am of the opinion (as I have already stated I am sure) that sex should be between two people who care deeply for one another. Like I also said, I am able to appreciate (and therefore do not condemn those who do) the reasons why people have one night stands. There is therefore no reason for you to get defensive about it. If I am able to respect your opinion why then can you not respect mine? :confused:

I have only ever had sex with one person and that suits me fine, I am still with this person, so I do not expect to be having sex with someone else in the near future. I waited three months before having sex with that person, although I really do not see what that has to do with it.

And it is BumbleBee to you! :p

Of course I respect your opinions, Stinger! I was just trying to illustrate how one's opinions can change if one has experienced all aspects of it. But you proved to be a bad candidate, so I'll tear up that cheque. :p :D

Originally posted by Miss Bee
Chill out


LOL, I am very chilled! In fact, if I was any more chilled I'd be frozen. :)

P.S. I love it when you get angry. :lol: :D

[BumbleBee]

Originally posted by Mobily's Ghost
Of course I respect your opinions, Stinger!
:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[sfnu]

i am of the opinion that i wouldnt want to have a baby to a bloke i've only just met, dont know fully what he's like etc, if an accident happened during (protected) sex i would not be prepared to take the morning after pill nor would i have an abortion. dont want to start a big debate about that, but i would want to be in love with the person enough to have support from them if i got pregnant, and not resent them for making me pregnant. so i wouldn't have a 1-night-stand.
sex is obviously fun and enjoyable but so are lots of other things in life, with lower risks of life threatening diseases, and less responsibility. i would rather make it a means of stronger connection between me and a partner, and a way of showing my love to someone who i know and care for, than an adrenalin rush.

maybe i hold this opinion purely and simply cos someone would have to really love me to want to shag me cos i have a face like a smacked arse and i'm built like clarissa dickson wright - so have no chance of a 1 night stand.

but it's still my opinion.

[D'OHnut]

Originally posted by BumbleBee
:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

:lol: :naughty:

[TempleOfDreams]

I have sex when I feel ready. Even if thats 3 days, 3 weeks, or 3 months, if I feel right with it I'll do it.

As for one-night-stands - I'm not promoting them or anything - but life is for living!!! Live for the moment... just gotta be careful! ;)

[carlito]

Regrettably having to asnwer a question with a question...but why not?

As longas both parties are of the understanding that nothing more will come of it, having sex with someone you don't know is:
1) exciting
2) relieving
3) good practice
4) fun
5) not so embarrassing since you never need see them again
6) you learn new stuff
7) inexpensive (you dont have to spend money on each other and stuff)

And generally, if you aren't looking for a relationship then youstill need/want sex, so why not?

On the other hand, if I was looking to settle down with someone, I would wait a while first, because then youd want to trust them and sex would be a whole different kettle of fish (excuse the innapprorpiate saying)...

[Lacy]

Originally posted by TempleOfDreams
I have sex when I feel ready. Even if thats 3 days, 3 weeks, or 3 months, if I feel right with it I'll do it.

As for one-night-stands - I'm not promoting them or anything - but life is for living!!! Live for the moment... just gotta be careful! ;)

Yep i agree with all of that.

I slept with someone 12 days after i met him cos i felt like it was the right time for it to happen and we went on to have a 10 month relationship and i dont regret sleeping with him so quickly.

But then again ive also waited 2/3 months with some people. Simply because it takes me a while to feel comfortable with them.

[BeckyBoo]

Originally posted by perfect***day
I don't think it's just the 'younger members'
I was curious as to why younger members do have sex so early in a relationship.

out of curiosity have you had one night stands
Mobily ive never had a one night stand. Ive only had sex with 2 men, one being my current hubby and previous to that my 1st hubby:)

How long (days,weeks)have you waited to have partial or full sex in a relationship?
Off the top of my head probably a few months, I dont know 2 or 3 months. But bear in mind the 1st time I had sex I wasnt a minor.

I hope im not giving the impression that im discraced with you if you have sex so early on as that is not the case. I personally need to know someone before I would even contemplate jumping into bed with them. I beleive if someone wants to have a one night stand then go for it. From my point of view in reality I am a shy person although I may not come across like that. Id be so embarrased having sex with a total stranger because thats what they are if its a one night stand. I know for a fact I wouldnt enjoy the sex because having sex with someone you really know has got to be 100 times better. I can do what the hell I like in the bedroom and I know for a fact its between me and my hubby, now if i went with a stranger i know i could not relax and enjoy it:)

[jacaranda]

I'm not the type of person to jump into bed with a guy straight away. I need to get to know the guy first. There should be chemistry not wham bang thankyou mam.

[DaisyChainThing]

Heh, arrgh, I once slept with this guy within two hours of meeting him but that is all very complicated and actually the only other times I've slept with people that fast is when they were meant to be one night stands but ended up not being. And in the end sleeping with them that soon made them think that when I split with them it was 'cause I was fucking everyone else...which is always a very nice thing for your ex to think of you. :/

But blah blah, I guess it depends on what length of time you actually mean. :/ I don't think I jump into bed with people but I don't exactly wait until I'm falling for them.

I met this guy from the net once (ugh, never again!) and ended up sleeping with him the day we met. I really, really liked him from talking to him because he was so nice to me and everyone said he was this nice guy. I felt like I knew him but I also slept with him way too fast so its kind of a mixed situation.
After sleeping with him for a few days and getting back home he didn't want to talk to me at all anymore. And it kinda fucked me up because of how much I liked him and how he claimed he liked me before and blah blah.

So that is why I don't wait till I have feelings for people. The guys who I've done that with end up treating me like shit so I'd rather not fall for people at all really. :/

[Kermit]

The reasons are that its fun and its uncomplicated. There is an excitement with sleeping with a new person that isnt there after a long relationship- though sex in a LTR is so much more enjoyable.

I speak having had a one-night stand, and after sleeping with my fiance soon after meeting, but I dont see the appeal of one-night stands after one-night stands. Its easy because its uncomplicated- you dont need to know the lass's name:p- but it does have consequences...those who have many sexual partners are more at risk of STDs, pregnancy, and cervical cancer. All things that arent good. But so long as everyone knows the risks, and knows its just fun, then theres no problem.

What concerns me is that so many people here dont even know what simple STDs are, and dont understand things like cystitis. They shouldnt be having sex, but try telling them that.

[D'OHnut]

Originally posted by jacaranda
I'm not the type of person to jump into bed with a guy straight away.

But if I smile sweetly, whisper nice things into your ear... :naughty: :rolleyes: :D :angel:

[evil_dave]

well ive never met anyone ...well maybe one person, but not really anyone ive ever liked enough to want to share something like that with. But my current girlfriend is the coolest and sexiest person ive ever met and shes so nice. I dont want to have it with her right away since weve only really been goin out since last night, however, if i had a choice out of all the people on this planet i would choose her and her only.


She is so great. And on top of that she likes pink floyd and led zeppelin.

[Zella]

sex is fun thats why.

and....

if i go out with a guy its because of two reasons;
one: i can see that there is a possibility that i could be with this person for a long time, and
two: i fancy the pants off them.
i personaly dnt see the point in waiting serveral months waiting for the "perfect moment" while all the lust and exitement wears away into nothing.
for me sex starts off as just sex, then it turns into fucking, then shagging, then it turns into making love.
but with my current b/f i slept with him within 2/3 days of going out with him and instead of it just being sex we were makign love right from the start.

[Kazbo]

I think Becky's wanting to know about those who are virgin's/have limited experience and why the rush there. I know the first two guys I slept with I did wait with. Just until I felt ready. It's only been since I've had more experience I haven't...think I miss sex too much when single have to make up for it as soon as I get into a rel.

[Kermit]

Peer pressure IMHO. Everyone else is perceived to be boffing like rabbits on heat, so people feel left out. The media selling sex as something which is the best thing ever doesnt help.

I rushed. I dont regret it. But I know I jumped at the first chance I got because I didnt want to feel like I was missing out, or like I was inferior. Stupid reasons, but meh.

The fact she had a nice arse helped make my mind up though :naughty:

[Kazbo]

Originally posted by Kermit

The fact she had a nice arse helped make my mind up though :naughty:

:lol:

I never felt any peer pressure, then again half my mates are still vifgins, so that sort of explains it. I dunno, never sort of felt it around any other groups of friends around either. Maybe i just come from a strange area. ;)

[Kermit]

Originally posted by Kazbo
:lol:

I never felt any peer pressure, then again half my mates are still vifgins, so that sort of explains it. I dunno, never sort of felt it around any other groups of friends around either. Maybe i just come from a strange area. ;)

It always seems to be more of a lad thing than a girl thing...reputations are different for boys and girls, maybe. But Ill bet lads have tried it on with your mates, at least once.

[Kazbo]

Originally posted by Kermit
It always seems to be more of a lad thing than a girl thing...reputations are different for boys and girls, maybe. But Ill bet lads have tried it on with your mates, at least once.

Yeah they prob have, but they've all said no.

But I've got a hell of a lot of male friends and there's still half of them that are just turning 21 and are still virgins mostly through choice.

[Kermit]

Originally posted by Kazbo
Yeah they prob have, but they've all said no.

But I've got a hell of a lot of male friends and there's still half of them that are just turning 21 and are still virgins mostly through choice.

You just have weird friends then:p

Nah, seriously, good for them. I think it depends on peer groups as to how early you lose the v plates, and so on. A lot of peer groups are more pressurising than that.

[Kazbo]

Originally posted by Kermit
You just have weird friends then:p

Nah, seriously, good for them. I think it depends on peer groups as to how early you lose the v plates, and so on. A lot of peer groups are more pressurising than that.

:lol: I know I have weird friends...what can I say. :D

[BeckyBoo]

Originally posted by Kazbo
I think Becky's wanting to know about those who are virgin's/have limited experience and why the rush there.

Thanks for clarifying that Kazbo, thats exactly what I meant :D

See Ive been reading some posts and the younger posters are standing out to me. Ive read a few where they are saying I love my boyfriend blah de blah de blah. Now dont all shout at me together but I dont beleive they are in love although they think they are.
My 1st love (as I thought) was a boy from school and I was besotted with him, I loved him and was going to be with him forever........get the picture.
Anyway it wasnt love I wasnt old enough to understand what love was, infact i was merely besotted with him. Id never had a boyfriend before so he was bound to figure in my life then. But NO it wasnt love like real love is. Just for the record we never had sex.
So I wonder why many young/inxperienced people do actually sleep with partners so early into a relationship :)

[BumbleBee]

Originally posted by BeckyBoo
So I wonder why many young/inxperienced people do actually sleep with partners so early into a relationship :)
Perhaps they are all swept up in first love emotion?

The emotions you feel are new, exciting and often very strong. I imagine young people only know one way to express this "love".

[Kazbo]

Originally posted by BeckyBoo
Thanks for clarifying that Kazbo, thats exactly what I meant :D

See Ive been reading some posts and the younger posters are standing out to me. Ive read a few where they are saying I love my boyfriend blah de blah de blah. Now dont all shout at me together but I dont beleive they are in love although they think they are.
My 1st love (as I thought) was a boy from school and I was besotted with him, I loved him and was going to be with him forever........get the picture.
Anyway it wasnt love I wasnt old enough to understand what love was, infact i was merely besotted with him. Id never had a boyfriend before so he was bound to figure in my life then. But NO it wasnt love like real love is. Just for the record we never had sex.
So I wonder why many young/inxperienced people do actually sleep with partners so early into a relationship :)

I think you've just hit the nail on the head though Becks. They do think they're in love, that they are going to be with that personf for the rest of their lves, therefore lets have sex and show our commitment to each other. Human nature in some ways, but what does it say about our society today if thats how lightly sex is taken.

[Zella]

Originally posted by Kazbo
They do think they're in love, that they are going to be with that personf for the rest of their lves, therefore lets have sex and show our commitment to each other.

i can understand what you are saying i have to disagree on some degree. love, like looks, is in the eye of the beholder. just because some one is young does not mean that they dnt know what love really is, and it dnt mean that they dont love the person they are with.

i have "loved" guys before, but have never, untill now been IN love with them. it is a totally different feeling.

i dnt think that the younger people in relationships have sex to show the commitment they have for eachother i think they do it because they want to be intamate(sp) on a higher level, and they feel that thy are ready for it.

[girl with sharp teeth]

.

[HunnyPot]

I've never had a one-night stand, or slept with a boyfriend the day we met, and to be quite blunt, the thought of doing anything like that disgusts me :)