Never posted in this forum b4, but i think i need help

[Eul Grepus]

Ive been with my girlfriend for nearly 10 months now, and recently, all we seem to do is fight. We've tried discussing what we think is causing it, we've even tried not seeing each other as often as we do (normally i finish work, and shes waiting for me, we go home, watch tele, etc, i basically see her every spare minute of my day) and nothing. The thing is, we seem to argue over the most trivial things. Im not saying its just her, far from it, but at the moment, im even thinking about ending this relationship, just so i dont have to fight her anymore. I love her so! much, but i cant carry on like this.
Any pointers? Can anyone recommend anything?

[David Grohl]

have you tried sitting down and asking her truthfully why the both of yous are fighting all the time, there must be a reason that YOU argue....find out what the main reason you fight with her and ask her what the main reason she fights with you! im sorry for the shit advice but if you find the real underlying reason you start the arguements you may be able to talk it out with her.

[Eul Grepus]

we tried this the other night, and both of us agree that we are too hard headed, but apart from that, we cant seem to see why, we just argue over the most trivial rubbish. for example, i told her i was meeting a mate for a beer, she asked if she could come along, i agreed, then when we got to the pub, she and i had a massive argument, because i had arranged to go out without asking what she wanted to do first, that she wanted to stay home apparently, and that somehow it was my fault she came along. she wanted too, then blamed me. that then turned into a massive argument and she stormed out. aaaaaaaarrghhhh i hate women at times!!!

[David Grohl]

maybe she had something planned to do together, i dont see why she would have got so upset but maybe because im male, but the only advice i can give is that you have a word with her, i know yous have had a talk. in most relationships couples argue over silly wee things but it shouldnt happen all the time, if it does have a word with her.

i think we need a girls point of view

[Eul Grepus]

I agree Mr Grohl :p a girls point of view would be greatly appreciated. I just cant seem to ge my head round why it happens so frequently nowadays. Have we reached a point where our relationship is so regular and predictable that our minds make us argue just so we have something exciting in our lives? i dont fucking know, all i know is, i cant be arsed with this crap anymore... head banging time again :banghead:

[David Grohl]

Thats the only problem i hate when things become predicatable but you cant keep it different when your broke and when theres nowt to do around the area. we are in the same boat going down the rocky river. i try to entertain my g/f with different things but you soon run out of ideas after a couple of weeks :rolleyes: so im left to sitting watching tele around at her place or at mine, how exciting :rolleyes:

[Eul Grepus]

her idea of a good night, is erin fucking brokovich for the umpteenth time and some popcorn... sorry but BORING:rolleyes:
i wanna go out and have a good time, i work, shes at school, i dont mind paying for her, but i cant be arsed sitting at home all night. sod that

[BumbleBee]

Well, it seems to me like you both want different things.

How about you spend some time apart each week - going out and doing what you want to with your friends.

Learn to compromise too. Granted, you don't like doing the same stuff, but mocking her for wanting to stay in and watch Erin Brockovich isn't going to help matters!
She sounds exactly like one of my friends. She is a home person. She doesn't like going out very much and all she does is stay in. She has clashed with her boyfriend over it many times.

You need some give and take. Explain to her that she doesn't have to come out with you and if she doesn't she can't winge because you gave her the chance to stay in. You should also reassure her that just because you are going out without her doesn't mean you don't want to spend time with her.

Also, most couples go through this stage. I think it is the end of the honeymoon period - where you both feel you know each other well enough to argue like cat and dog! A lot of couples split at this stage because they can't be arsed to work through it. Good luck. :)

[Eul Grepus]

I only used erin brocovich as an example, and we do compromise, the thing is, whenever i want to go out, she says "but i want to spend time with you" and asks to come along. i dont mind this, but if we have agreed not to spend as much time with one another, then surely she should keep to it aswell.
Also, she isnt a stay home type person, she enjoys going out, just recently, she acts as if we are married, and are supposed to stay home and cuddle infront of the tele, one or 2 nights a week OK, but not every day! :banghead: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im going on holiday at the end of next week to the UK with a friend of mine, gonna visit uni mates, and frankly, i really need it, i need some space and time to relax, and work isnt helping!
:banghead: again!

[Butterfly00]

I went through that stage with an ex of mine, it gets very boring and makes you paronoid! My advice is you will get through it if you love each other, we did.

[Eul Grepus]

I hope you're right, for my sake more than anyones :(

[BumbleBee]

Originally posted by Eul Grepus
but if we have agreed not to spend as much time with one another, then surely she should keep to it aswell.

Yes she should. You should also try to keep some mates seperate. Fair enough she can be friends with them too, but I think you will find after a while that your mates will get pissed off with it always being "you and her". You need to spend time alone so my advice would be to point this out to her. She should stick to it too.

[Eul Grepus]

tahts the thing, i live in Gibraltar, its a 2 square mile rock where everyone knows everyone, all our friends know each other. when we go out in a big group, its huge! but yeah, ill mention that to her aswell. :)

[blonde__batman]

have u tried telling her that you just need some space?

[byny]

Originally posted by Eul Grepus
we tried this the other night, and both of us agree that we are too hard headed, but apart from that, we cant seem to see why, we just argue over the most trivial rubbish. for example, i told her i was meeting a mate for a beer, she asked if she could come along, i agreed, then when we got to the pub, she and i had a massive argument, because i had arranged to go out without asking what she wanted to do first, that she wanted to stay home apparently, and that somehow it was my fault she came along. she wanted too, then blamed me. that then turned into a massive argument and she stormed out. aaaaaaaarrghhhh i hate women at times!!!


AHAH..welcome to the irrational mind of women.

She is only doing what is typical (And I know - I have done it too)
She feels that you arranged to go out but didn't invite her (Why should you, are you connected at the hip??)..you redeemed yourself by agreeing that she could come along (seems simple and natural and really should have worked) - however, she is resentful that you made plans to do something without her without checking with her beforehand (You need her permission to do anything!!) and even though she has agreed to come with you she doesn't really WANT to go drinking with your mate and actually wanted you so say 'no probs, I'll cancel my plans - in fact I'll never see my friends again as I want to spend all my time making your social life great just by being your social life'

Unfortunately the problem is hers and she'll either learn that she is being unreasonable to expect you to be her social life and to second guess you OR she'll never learn and make your life hell.

The only thing you can do is ignore it because its not your fault you can't read minds.

A woman naturally expects her man to know what she wants. Women in relationships can't handle men doing stuff without them. Women will cancel all their plans (In the rare event that they actually have any) to be with their man. Women will go to every pub, every dive, every place if their man is there even if they don't want to be there, - then they will moan about it and have a row about how they didn't want to be there...however, if you don't invite them they will hit the roof about that too!!

Its pathetic and its needy and its unfair. Your girlfriend should relish the times that you are doing stuff without her, these are the times she can catch up with other friends, see her family, get some other shit done...however, she is not happy unless she is with you or knows exactly where you are! It will get worse before it gets better. You may come out of it as a couple...however - you may not!! GOOD LUCK

[Eul Grepus]

Originally posted by byny
AHAH..welcome to the irrational mind of women.

She is only doing what is typical (And I know - I have done it too)
She feels that you arranged to go out but didn't invite her (Why should you, are you connected at the hip??)..you redeemed yourself by agreeing that she could come along (seems simple and natural and really should have worked) - however, she is resentful that you made plans to do something without her without checking with her beforehand (You need her permission to do anything!!) and even though she has agreed to come with you she doesn't really WANT to go drinking with your mate and actually wanted you so say 'no probs, I'll cancel my plans - in fact I'll never see my friends again as I want to spend all my time making your social life great just by being your social life'

Unfortunately the problem is hers and she'll either learn that she is being unreasonable to expect you to be her social life and to second guess you OR she'll never learn and make your life hell.

The only thing you can do is ignore it because its not your fault you can't read minds.

A woman naturally expects her man to know what she wants. Women in relationships can't handle men doing stuff without them. Women will cancel all their plans (In the rare event that they actually have any) to be with their man. Women will go to every pub, every dive, every place if their man is there even if they don't want to be there, - then they will moan about it and have a row about how they didn't want to be there...however, if you don't invite them they will hit the roof about that too!!

Its pathetic and its needy and its unfair. Your girlfriend should relish the times that you are doing stuff without her, these are the times she can catch up with other friends, see her family, get some other shit done...however, she is not happy unless she is with you or knows exactly where you are! It will get worse before it gets better. You may come out of it as a couple...however - you may not!! GOOD LUCK



What an excellent piece of advice! cheers mate. Anyways, as for getting some space, i fly to UK on friday for 2 weeks, and im going to relish the time off :) i need a break from work, and im sure me and harriet need a break from each other.
Anyway, till then, work calls.... tara for now