Friends with exes

[rusted_purity]

Just wondered if anyone here is friends with their ex and if they would recommend trying to stay friends. I broke up with my ex on mutual grounds but friendship seems quite hard. I know it may get easier but is it worth the pain?

[Olive]

Originally posted by rusted_purity
Just wondered if anyone here is friends with their ex and if they would recommend trying to stay friends. I broke up with my ex on mutual grounds but friendship seems quite hard. I know it may get easier but is it worth the pain?

leave it a while.

i'm friends with exes i broke up with years and years ago, but the most recent still annoys the living shit out of me.


don't expect too much too soon....

[ShyBoy]

i'm friends with my ex, but i'm not over her, and a lot fo the time i'm too upset to talk. as a friend, i don't think i mean that much to her, cos she won't ask me whats up.

ooh i just remembered the good bit of my fream. and the bad. :mad:

[blonde__batman]

my best friend is my ex. we were together a couple of month...instatn atraction when we met but it fizzled out..i was upset and i couldnt talk to him for about a month as it hurt to much but now we are the cloest friends...yes i still love him but im glad we are mates :)

[Simba T Lion]

staying friends, or at least trying to stay friends, for me at least, is like the hardest thing ever. like i just keep getting these feelings like its not over yet, like by being good friends and still being close, that there is some hope that its not over forever. which makes things just more confusing. but i'd say why not give it a try, you can always take it back.

[Mwaaaa]

I try to stay friends with my ex's but after a while it just seems to fade out! *doesn't think that makes sense* Oh well :rolleyes:

But if I see them in the street or something then yea I'd deffinatly talk to them . . . all except one ex cos he's a complete cunt :mad:

Are you asking for yourself Rusted_Purity?!! How long were you together etc?!! :)

[Ilora-Danon]

Staying friends with exes either works, or it doesnt.

I've only had 2 boyfriends but even still i have only remained good friends/best mates with one of them, yet havent spoken to the other one since we broke up...

It either works or it doesnt, so I think it depends on the person

Blessed Be x

[Zella]

im kinda mates with some of my exes, there waaaaaay to many to remember,

[Diddles]

one of them we get on fine, the 2nd more recently i broke up with i still sometimes have feelings for which makes it hard but we make the effort to get on coz he is great guy... the other one is just a pain in the ass and his ego is huge and hes arrogant and i want to beat him with a stick sometimes just coz he's so rude!

[lil_minx]

The majority of my ex's i dont talk to.. not because its uncomfortable or hard just because theire arseholes and i never have to see them -- but the guys ive been with that ive had the longest relationships with (and the most painfull break ups) ive stayed friends with, it just took a good few months to get the friendship to be less awkward. And now were great friends and the relationship we have is even better than the one we shared when we were together!

[Butterfly00]

I dont talk to most of my ex's but the last three blokes ive been out with i still get on really well with, there is no sexual tension anymore so we all get on great! I think its really cool when u can get on with them, i always find its better than having a relationship with them.

[ObviouslyBlonde]

if one of you still has feelings the other doesn't then it can be hard - but it depends - if there was a special bond between you, it seems a waste to just lose everything because you've split up - give it a go - if it works then great - if it doesn't then you've tried
:)

[Nick_BR]

Originally posted by blonde__batman
my best friend is my ex. we were together a couple of month...instatn atraction when we met but it fizzled out..i was upset and i couldnt talk to him for about a month as it hurt to much but now we are the cloest friends...yes i still love him but im glad we are mates :)

My ex. is my best friend too... but, i have the same problem as you, i still love her. It´s very complicated see her, talk with her, take a lot of time with her and don´t kiss her mouth...

[candy]

.

[Lacy]

In the past i've found it very difficult to stay mates with my exes, usually because of the way we broke up.

A lot of my exes think badly of me, and in all honesty they are probably better off not having anything to do with me! Having said that though there are a few that *i* dont talk to because of they way they treated me.

Im finding it easy at the mo though. Probably cos hes been more of a mate to me when we were going out than some of my other exes.

[Harmless]

Don’t normally do it. I just withdraw and either lick my wounds or become unhappy (which in fact, is when I’m at my most happiest)

Gotta Love hating the world!

Then I go through 4-6 month period of not dating and being “unhappy” and then some idiot girl will ask me out and I’ll say yep.

Never talk to the Exs tho, tis quite strange.

I’m coping very well tho me thinks.

Edit cos I can’t fucking spell, must not be coping as well as I thought!

[Lacy]

Originally posted by Harmless


Then I go through 4-6 month period of not dating and being “unhappy” and then some idiot girl will ask me out and I’ll say yep.



Trying to say im an idiot :p

[Skateside]

I've only got the one ex so I'm not really one of te best to comment on this.

I like the idea of staying friends with someone you were very close to. It's pointless throwing out what could be a good friendship because of a relationship. It's very hard to see them again. All you want to do it take hold of them, wrap your arms around them, kiss them, and have them kiss you back, but you have to sit and remember that you're just friends now. I think it takes a while to get used to that, but once you know you're just friends, you can get on fine.

[Harmless]

Originally posted by LacyMay
Trying to say im an idiot :p

:chin: :nervous: :no:

:p

[blonde__batman]

Originally posted by Nick_BR
My ex. is my best friend too... but, i have the same problem as you, i still love her. It´s very complicated see her, talk with her, take a lot of time with her and don´t kiss her mouth...

i know exactly how that feels

[Crazyredeyes]

I thought it works, sometimes it can other times it wont work.

I split with a long term ex, about a 2 years ago or something, we just had a conversation the other day and worked out we shouldnt see each other anymore due to what it was doing to her.

That hurts its like we have split all over again, we were best friends. :(

[xapis]

I wish I could have stayed friends with my ex, because we were best friends for 3 years before we finally got it together and so I lost a great friendship as well as the best relationship i've ever had...but it hurt too much because I was still in love with him and I knew I couldn't be just friends. I was hoping that with time I might be able to do it again, but it's been 5 months now and I still don't think I could face being friends with him.

I think it totally depends on the situation, maybe the length and strength of the relationship etc etc. but all is different for different people....

i'd always say give it some time before you try and be friends, but make it clear you want to be... (if that makes sense)

[bebedawl]

I have this ambivalence toward my recent ex. I miss him, and I don't..but when we initially got back together we had seperated for a month, and we had severely drifted apart. We got back together, and it was just...awkward. We broke up in horrible terms, and I can't talk to him face to face, text, or even on the net. I miss him, and I don't..I miss him cause he was on the same wavelength as me, on humour, and..well, I got sick of him on a recent night out. He was so sarcastic, and rude, and concieted, and just a knob. I'm glad to get rid of him. He was a pillock.:impissed: Bah, I hate bad memories.

[ennajojo]

when me and my bf split up last year there was no way i couldnt have him in my life in some way we did the whole hating eachother and sending nasty texts but after everything i love him to death and we did just go out for drinks etc as mates but it didnt last we still ended up sleeping together just this overpowering love we got back together. this is why i worry so much that if he finishes it i will not cope, cos i wont.

if u can get over thewanting him as a bf then u can be friends but if you still want him its prob best to cut all ties

[ElysiumUnknown]

Personally I don't understand how exes can remain friends. Too many feelings caught up in it all. I think some people like to remain friends just simply so they feel the other person still likes and respects them. I mean the hurt caused by the end of relationships is usually because the person you cared for so deeply doesn't care for you anymore thus destroying your pride and ego. Sometimes I feel it's just better to let go and walk away.....

I'm not friends with any of my exes. I tried to be friends with one of them but on realising how much of a complete twat he was I just ignored him and have never spoken to the liar since. It wasn't much of a loss for him anyway.

I only just split up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago and although us breaking up was inevitable because it wasn't working it happened over the phone and he was horrible about it claiming I had never cared about him and it was all a lie for me and told me never to phone or txt him again. Oh how nice of him. I phoned a week later but he was at work & couldn't talk for long. I said I'd ring him back and I did - but it was the answerphone. So I e-mailed him saying that I had always cared and I'd had a good time with him and basically said goodbye. Has he replied? Has he fuck. You see the end of a relationships just contradicts everything they said during the relationship. I do miss talking to him. I felt he was the one form of escapism and he was one of the only people who liked talking about similar things as me. Only a few of my friends seem willing to talk about the war, AIDS situation, philosophy etc. But I don't think I could be friends with him now, I'd be angry about the way he treated me at the end and I'd feel weird not being able to talk to him in "that" way or touch him. Plus he probably never wants to talk to or see me again. Maybe it's just my relationships and me that prevent friendship from forming, but I don't think it ever allows you to move on fully.

[Macca]

I've just recently split up with a girl I was seeing for 5 months. We split because she didn't want me in that way anymore. We're still mates and we get on really well, although I miss not being a couple we're still very close. I hope one day we can get back together again because what we had was so great!

It really depends on the ex whether it's wise to be friends or not after a relationship. I was lucky with mine because she is a really great girl who still cares a lot about me. Some people are just not worth bothering with though.

[rusted_purity]

Well, I'm really asking cos I don't ever talk to my ex, he said it would be easier that way and I tried for months to get him to just talk to me but he wouldn't. But my new boyfriend is still good friends with his ex and I just find it hard sometimes. Don't really get jealous, I just feel like I am second best sometimes

[rusted_purity]

I do agree with Elysium though. I think it's best to let go and move on rather than stay caught up in the web of emotions. It was hard ar forst to let go of my ex but I am grateful that we aren't in contact. makes what we had special and it won't ever get destroyed because of future disagreements

[ElysiumUnknown]

You shouldn't have to be friends with your ex just because your new boyfriend is friends with his.

Your ex sounds like he didn't want to be friends and if he's refusing your efforts then he's not really worth being friends with.

You've got a new boyfriend, who I presume you like and want to make things work with. The best thing is to concentrate on your new relationship. If you feel uncomfortable with your boyfriend's friendship with his ex then talk to him about rather than letting it stew, letting jealousy form. I'm sure you're not second best to him.

:)

[Carolina]

I think most of the time there's always going to be left over feelings on someone's side in the way of friendship. Either you still like them or they still like you. I think it's very hard to be attracted to someone and then both of you be able to move on and switch off the attraction.
I don't really stay mates with my ex's. It finishes and i move on, sometimes i wonder what they're up to but i leave it at that.
There's only one i still speak to but that's probably about once a year at christmas when he comes back to the village.

[fraggle]

i believe u can be friends with an ex. in fact i am. we went out for a few months then i decided it wasnt working so we split up. we've now slept with each other twice since :p
- no recriminations and no problems and we still get on with each other really well.

it can happen - just depends on your initial relationship and the way u split

[KinkyBoots]

Originally posted by Macca
I've just recently split up with a girl I was seeing for 5 months. We split because she didn't want me in that way anymore. We're still mates and we get on really well, although I miss not being a couple we're still very close. I hope one day we can get back together again because what we had was so great!

Yeah same here, (except with a guy!!) we went out for 5+ 1/2 months and it was great. But then one night he came round to mine and said he couldnt go out with me anymore. I was gutted. Ive never felt so crap. These last 4 weeks have been painful for me. We are still friends but its quite hard. He broke it off because he didnt feel that he had the right feelings for me anymore, that we had hardly anything in common, and that it was mainly just a physical relationship. I do find it quite hard when I do see him, not being able to hold/kiss him, whatever. Im learning to deal with things and I got some great friends to help me from slipping. I like being friends with him, cos I dont want to cut him out of my life, but things are awkward. I cant say the things I want to say anymore. I love him to pieces but he says he only loves me as a friend, which hurts, but I try not to think about it.

The biggest crush for me will be if he found someone new. Thats the part Im dreading. I am so in love with him, but I dont think he gets that. There is a age gap between us, which he said that there was also a bit of a problem with, altho I never found it a problem really. He's 7 years older than me.

I dont think I could be quite the same again if he fell in love with someone else, or even just got another girl that he liked, I dont want to sit around and watch him flirt and him being flirted with. I dont think I could take that.

Im not sure what I want. I keep dreaming of him coming back to me and every night I hope that he comes back round to my house and says he wants me back. I had my first serious relationship with him and cant imagine being with anybody else.

Im seeing him tomorrow night with some friends, I know it will be awkward and I hope things will work out between us. Lets just hope.

[rusted_purity]

I found that when i tried to be friends with one ex it just dragged on all the pain and even though sometimes I felt like I was coping, if someone mentionned that they had seen him with another girl or that there was a chance he had a new girlfriend it was just like the pain came flooding back and I thought I would never move on. I think I only agreed to friendship cos I hoped it would lead to us getting back together and that is not the basis of a proper friendship

[KinkyBoots]

I am scared that he'll find someone new. But I know that he's not just gonna sit there and flirt with someone else right in front of me, he's not the sorta guy to do that. The reason why Im staying friends with him is cos I cant imagine my life without him now, and being friends is much better than nothing at all.

I think I will definatly crack when he finds someone new. I dont want to be around when that happens. Dont think I could handle it.

Better make the most of what you have. You dont know what you have til its gone.

[ElysiumUnknown]

Kinkyboots - Don't worry, it will get easier. Promise. You just have to appreciate you had something good and that you still have so many opportunities to find someone else. Give yourself some time to heal and then move on. Maybe you should put some distance between yourself and him. I know it's weird making the transition from being very close to someone to hardly seeing them, but I honestly think separation is the best way to get your head cleared.

Hope it works out for you.

[jacaranda]

as far as i'm concerned staying friends with an ex just does not happen

[KinkyBoots]

Originally posted by ElysiumUnknown
Kinkyboots - Don't worry, it will get easier. Promise. You just have to appreciate you had something good and that you still have so many opportunities to find someone else. Give yourself some time to heal and then move on. Maybe you should put some distance between yourself and him. I know it's weird making the transition from being very close to someone to hardly seeing them, but I honestly think separation is the best way to get your head cleared.

Hope it works out for you.

Thanx. *has just remembered that this isnt her thread!*

Me and Andy have been separated for nearly a month now, and its only just sinking in that were not together anymore! Im happy that I had something good with him altho Im gonna miss 'us' so much. And Im happy that we're staying friends. He was my first love so that makes things slightly harder than any other relationship I think. Im always going to have strong feelings for him. But at the mo, were just working on just being friends. Its going well so far. But I think its a bit of a problem as Im still very flirty with him :rolleyes: Oh well, cant help some things :p

[fraggle]

kinky boots - please i dont mean to presume anything but although you may have really liked him please dont get too upset about it. i kno its easy for me to say cos i dont know u but if things didnt work out its for a reason. trust me. whatever u do dont get worried about him (or u) finding someone else. it will happen and it will be for the best. again i dont kno the relationship u had and i dont know truly how u feel about him but honestly - there is someone else and they may be better for u. it is hard and it isnt nice to see someone u have loved with someone else but if u hold onto it for too long it eats u up and can make u miss other opportunities.