Depressed friend

[RachaelHolmes]

My best m8 is going through a bit of a bad spell at the mo.

she's 29, married and stuck in a job cleaning in a school. she hates he life, she said she feels worthless and that she has done nothing so far.

her and her husband do not get on all that well, they haven't slept in the same bedromm since b4 they got married (over 3 years ago) and have had sex since way b4 then.

both my friend (M) and her husband (D) say the only thing keeping them together is that neither want to lose their house.

she cries all the time and says that the only reason she hasn't killed herself is because she hasn't got the guts to, but i think if she carries on like this for much longer she might try.

i've told her that she should talk to some1 about (ie, a doctor) but she said she's 2 shy 2. she wont even go out of the house anymore because she gets so nervous around other ppl. she finds in immposible to talk to her husband and will hardly ever open up to me.

i have tried to be supportive and told her that i will always be here for her if she needs to talk but she says she doesn't want to burden me with her problems.

what should i do? she needs help so desperatly and she just wont accept it. my entire family are getting really worried about her now incase she tries to hurt herself (which wouldn't be the first time).
how can i help her without preaching to her or telling her what to do?

[Monkey_Boy]

well even though u don't want to preach i'm afraid it's what you'll have to do, no one want's your friend to go over the brink so you need to try and persuade her to do something about it. Going to see a doc or a family planning clinic (or something like that, u get the drift) is always embarressing, whether you're a shy person or not.

What i would suggest is one of those communitive help things, u know, like alcoholics anon, only about problems at home rather than drinking. They've had a really good press, and friends of mine that have used them say that they're really good, some are better than others but she should look at a few.

She probably wouldn't be willing at first, so if its no inconvenience for you, i'd suggest that you go with her for a few of them. Beign around other people who know what you're going through is a really helpful part of the healing process and you're friend needs all the help she can get.

See if you can swing her round to at least trying this, if it doesn't work then she can try something else, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

good luck <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

[RachaelHolmes]

thanks monkey boy, thats a gr8 idea.

does anyone know of any links that i could try to get intouch with these kinds of groups?

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Am I weird or what?

[LUKA]

Originally posted by RachaelHolmes:
thanks monkey boy, thats a gr8 idea.

does anyone know of any links that i could try to get intouch with these kinds of groups?



Rach,
There is an organisation called the depression alliance which is an exellent support group for suferers of depression. I don't know if there is a group local to you. but they have a website with good supportive messageboards and a supportive chatroom. This is in addition to all the information you could require on depression. including details of support groups, in your area. http://www.depressionalliance.org
good luck to you and your friend, my thoughts are with you both.
Love and peace
Luk


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The river is wide and oh so deep. I've been walking around in tears, No answers arethere to get. Cause between this world and eternity there is a face I hope to see

[LUKA]

Maybe your friend should try taking a Goldberg test online, this will give an indicator on the level of depression and suggest where to go on from there. It shouldn't be used as a diagnosis, more of an indicator. I took it today for the 1st time in 3 or so years... I scored an alarming 74... call the paddy wagon now. Seriously Rach maybe it'll be a help to get your friend to the dr which at the end of the day she needs.

here's a link to where a Goldberg test http://community.netdoktor.com/ccs/uk/depression/facts/testyourself/index.jsp

take care
Luk

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The river is wide and oh so deep. I've been walking around in tears, No answers arethere to get. Cause between this world and eternity there is a face I hope to see

[RachaelHolmes]

thanks for those links luka.

the only problem is that my friend refuses to go to the doctor and she wont talk to anyone. i really don't know what to do. she seems a bit better 2day, maybe now christmas has gone she might cheer up a bit but i know that it isn't going to go away completely.

i think i'm just gonna have to wait until she asks for help as she is getting fed up of me trying to get her help.

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Am I weird or what?

[j9j9]

Originally posted by LUKA:
Maybe your friend should try taking a Goldberg test online, this will give an indicator on the level of depression and suggest where to go on from there. It shouldn't be used as a diagnosis, more of an indicator. I took it today for the 1st time in 3 or so years... I scored an alarming 74... call the paddy wagon now. Seriously Rach maybe it'll be a help to get your friend to the dr which at the end of the day she needs.




Sorry to hear your level is so high Luk
{{{{{{{Luk}}}}}},
thanks for the link, I tested at 35 <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">,
so I'm doing well, this time last year I would have been at 56!

let's watch that number drop for you too <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

j9


[This message has been edited by j9j9 (edited 31-12-2000).]

[RachaelHolmes]

I finally got M to take the Goldberg test, she got 50 which means;

Goldberg's depression test

You have reached level 50 on the Goldberg scale.

0 - 9 Depression unlikely 21 - 35 Minor to moderate depression
10 - 17 Possibly minor depression 36 - 53 Moderate to severe depression
18 - 21 On the verge of depression 54+ Severe depression


You are having suicidal thoughts. This is a serious warning sign, and you must seek help quickly.

You have the symptoms of moderate to severe depression. The condition seems to cause serious problems in your everyday life, and you should consult your doctor immediately.

Depression is a disease like any other disease, and it can be treated very effectively. Recognising that you are suffering from depression is the first positive step. If you are depressed, you should arrange to see your doctor to talk about the illness right away. You may also want to raise the issue with your friends and family. You should look for support from these people you until you get well. Anyone can suffer from depression, and the symptoms can vary from person to person. Treatments, including medication and psychotherapy, have a very high success rate.

Please note that this test result is not a certain assessment of your mental health. You should always consult a doctor if you feel depressed or if you feel that worries and anxiety have taken over and affected the activities of your daily life.


I have shown her this and she still refuses to c a doctor or talk to anyone about it. What should I do?

[LUKA]

Originally posted by RachaelHolmes:
I finally got M to take the Goldberg test, she got 50 which means;

I have shown her this and she still refuses to c a doctor or talk to anyone about it. What should I do?

On a recent visit to the DA website I noticed that there is a branch of the support group in liecester. maybe when she's ready she'll want to attend a meeting and she'll realise that she is not alone.

At the moment all you can do is be there for her. If in the meantime she starts to "Act Out" Self harm or attempt suicide maybe you can see your GP and see if he can intervine.

You have done all you can do, just by being there and not running away by the sound of depression. It's an illness that is so far attached with stigma, and is also such a leveller.

take care rach
Loadsa Luv
Luka


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The river is wide and oh so deep. I've been walking around in tears, No answers arethere to get. Cause between this world and eternity there is a face I hope to see