Anti-psychotics need not apply - reasonably long

[Monkey_Boy]

Well, i'm new to this so i may as well jump straight in the deep end and bring you straight down into the centre of my brain, it aint too pretty in there.

I think something may actually be amiss inside my subconscious and i'm not sure how safe it is for other people.

On the outside i'd say i'm quite a nice guy, i'm not a player and only a minimal bastard quotient <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> but i very much fear i might be a maniac of some sort or other.

you see, the main basic fact of it is that i see things, not lucid, trippy trings but straight forward, cold and very very violent things. These things don't look real, i don't think they're actually there in front of me but it's like i'm projecting my mental images on to my retina, like i'm looking through somebody elses eyes.

Anyway, these things that i see come very frequently and are always of a destructive nature, they only last a split second but i can remember every one of them. The downside is that they're indescriminately destructive, i couldn't really write them down, it'd just sound way to freaky but the worst one's are those inflicted on people and the fires.

with respect to fire iit only happens when i'm inside, but i can walk along a corridor and suddenly the windows are scorched black
and the paint is bubbling off the walls as slow, lazy waves of flame cascade over them, everything is burning even other people who happen to be in my field of vision, writhing on the floor in the agonising death throes of a sudden-heat exposure. Then as quickly as it came, it goes again.

That isn't quite as bad as the violence, because it seems to just be circumstantial damage, i.e. it's not me, but if i ever havn't had enough sleep (i have insomnia) or my mind is wandering i can, in my minds eye, do things to people that would not be allowed on any movie screen, i mean these things are horrible and very very graphic. BUt strangely enough i fmy concentration is focused on that person (takling or something) then nothing happens, but why am i seeing these things at all?

t is impossible for any one of you to concieve what i see practically every day, and i don't wish you could. I'm never a really violent person in real life, i've always been repressive in that way but i don't know what to do. I have taken up martial arts in the hope of relieving any violent tendencies i may have but it doesn't seem to have worked as yet.

The worst thing about this is that i'm scared that i might actually snap one day, and the barrier between what i think and what i do will crumble and fall.

[lolly]

Firstly...welcome to thesite monkey_boy! Secondly I can kind of relate to what u r saying, although not exactly. I suffer from flashbacks, where Im taken back to a bad time in my childhood and I actually beleive that I am there. I see everything and hear everything although thats only in extreme cases. Sometimes it can just be for a second and nothing that bad, but on worse ones Ive been out of it for ages. I completly loose where I am and what I am doing and as far as Im concerned I am actually reliving the event. Its pretty scary shit, but Ive learnt to deal with it a bit better now.
Im not sure if what U get is what u would call a flashback, as I dont no If the things u see have actually gone on. From what I gather they havent. But whatever it is u get, its some sort of psychotic episode and I really think u should go see someone about this. I was on medication for a while (anti psychotics) that really helped and with help from professionals along with the meds things started to get much better.
Maybe u should go to your GP and he or she will probably refer u to a psychologist. Dont be freaked out by this, it dont mean u r some sort of nutter, but I do think its a good idea to get help.
I hope this has been helpfull and you get things sorted soon...once again welcome to thesite!

[Monkey_Boy]

Cheers very much Lolly, i might just do that, although it stll freaks me out because i've never told anyone about it before and it makes me sound like any minute now i'll go on an isane killing spree or seomthing. It is, understandabley, not something i am keen to share with people i know, how much more off-putting can you get?

But no none of the things have happened to me before, well not to my knowledge anyway, but i'm sure i'd remember something like that, i've had many a scrape with death in my life, it's never been something i get too vexed about.

in a way, i wish i could attribute it to childhood scarring, once you know the cause you can get the cure, right?

[Girl-From-Mars]

I've been looking on the net for you Monkey_Boy to try and come up with possible explanations or ways to help.

i found this which is about hallucinations: http://health.yahoo.com/health/Diseases_and_Conditions/Disease_Feed_Data/Hal lucinations/index.html (http://health.yahoo.com/health/Diseases_and_Conditions/Disease_Feed_Data/Hallucinations/index.html)
which is quite informative. it gives a possible cause of the symptoms too.

this one about psychosis.
http://health.yahoo.com/health/Diseases_and_Conditions/Disease_Feed_Data/Psychosi s/index.html (http://health.yahoo.com/health/Diseases_and_Conditions/Disease_Feed_Data/Psychosis/index.html)

and this about schizophrenia as it mentioned hallucinations in there. http://health.yahoo.com/health/Diseases_and_Conditions/Disease_Feed_Data/Schizophrenia/ (http://health.yahoo.com/health/Diseases_and_Conditions/Disease_Feed_Data/Schizophrenia/)

this site has a general directory of other sites related to mental health: http://uk.dir.yahoo.com/Health/Mental_Health/

oh and try the forums at forums.about.com which have a section on mental health.

but i agree with lolly that you should go and see a GP and then be referred to a psychologist etc etc. maybe print out what youve written on here so you can express yourself clearly and not miss anythign out? i find that writing a list of symptoms or things i need to ask the doc when i go helps, im always forgetting stuff and not realising till i get back outside.

i hope theres a simple explanation that can be cured qickly so you dont get these hallucinations anymore.

im thinking of you <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

[This message has been edited by Girl-From-Mars (edited 21-12-2000).]

[lolly]

Originally posted by Monkey_Boy:
Cheers very much Lolly, i might just do that, although it stll freaks me out because i've never told anyone about it before and it makes me sound like any minute now i'll go on an isane killing spree or seomthing. It is, understandabley, not something i am keen to share with people i know, how much more off-putting can you get?

But no none of the things have happened to me before, well not to my knowledge anyway, but i'm sure i'd remember something like that, i've had many a scrape with death in my life, it's never been something i get too vexed about.

in a way, i wish i could attribute it to childhood scarring, once you know the cause you can get the cure, right?


I no how u feel, its not exactly something that other people r gonna take lightly. I tend to keep things to myself for this reason. My ex boyfriend found it really hard to understand, I had to explain myself after totally freaking out on him one nite in bed (not funny for him at all <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">), and I think he thought I was some kind of nutter. But that dont bother me, coz he is a useless peice of scum anyway (sorry, tend to get a bit over heated on the ex boyfriend thing <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">).
I suppose it does make u feel a bit better being able to accociate it with something in the past, its kind of the answer to why u r like it. But for every problem there is a reason for having it (I think?!) and Im sure once u go to the docs and get some help things will start to feel a lot better.
Good luck and keep us posted on what goes on.

[Monkey_Boy]

I just don't think i could go to my local doc with something like that, partially because it doesn't really affect me that much any more (i've had it about two years), partially because i'm afraid of what i might find but also because i think i know what it is. I looked up some of the sites posted by GFM and i think i've got paranoid schizophrenia, it's description was pretty much spot on.

It's quite hard coming to terms with something like that because it means that i AM actually a few chapters short of a book, but as the poet says 'what cannot be cured, must be endured'

I really appreciate your comments Lolly, you have no idea how much it means to have someone who can really understand what appears to be happening to me, thanks <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> and feel free to slag off your b/f to me any time, he obviously didn't know a good thing when it was staring him in the face

[LUKA]

Psychosis is a frightening thing for any person to experience. I have been there myself and am still there at times now. You probably don't want to be told to go to your GP because you must this sort this out for your own wellbeing.

Psychotic episodes can be treated with medication and be bought under control, I can personally testify that myself. Every now and then I have my medication reviewed and then balanced (increased or decreased or changed as required) I haven't threatened anyone, bucked up to a scrap nor (because of psychosis) self harmed. Below is a link to a list of what medications are available to treat pyschosis.
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/medicines/subindex.asp?id=42

Please what ever you do don't base anything you read on the net as a firm diagnosis, with matters like this the only diagnosis that can be made will be by a Dr who will probably refer you to a psychiatrist for proper diagnosis, as this field is far to specialised for a GP. psychosis can be caused for a number of reasons Depression, post traumatic stress dissorder or yes as you have picked up Schizophrenia. With any form of illness phsyical as well as mental home diagnosis can be very dangerous.

If this is worrying you and you find it's making you depressed, try the depression alliance http://www.depressionalliance.org

if you have any further q's ask and I'll try my best to answer.

Good Luck Monkey Boy
Luka

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The river is wide and oh so deep. I've been walking around in tears, No answers arethere to get. Cause between this world and eternity there is a face I hope to see

[Monkey_Boy]

ok ok ok, having been badgered and bullied by my various compadres here (thanks guys <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> ) i will be seeing my GP on thursday.

so i hope all u lasses and fellas bought me a few rolls of padded wallpaper because i'll probably be needing it for when they push me into a small room with a glass 'viewing gallery' above me.

Wish me luck, i'm cacking my pants

[Turtle]

Monkey Boy, you're a funny guy. I guess I haven't really formally welcomed you to the site, and now seems like a good time to do so, so....Welcome to TheSite.org.

We already do and we will value your posts at this site. Like I said, you're a funny man - I guess this post isn't hte best place to put it, but it remains true. Been looking at the site that is listed as yours in your profile - cracked up at the Budweiser ad with teh 9 iron.

Newa, best of luck with your mind and report back soon.

DM

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I didn't lose my mind, it was mine to give away.

[Monkey_Boy]

i feel so wanted.....not by the police, but...oh you know what i mean
<IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">

[lolly]

Originally posted by Monkey_Boy:
ok ok ok, having been badgered and bullied by my various compadres here (thanks guys <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> ) i will be seeing my GP on thursday.

so i hope all u lasses and fellas bought me a few rolls of padded wallpaper because i'll probably be needing it for when they push me into a small room with a glass 'viewing gallery' above me.

Wish me luck, i'm cacking my pants

Hey monkey_boy, Im really glad that u r goin to the docs and I wish u the best of luck. Dont b a wally about getting locked up...it wont happen...and if it does it aint that bad beleive me :P!
Anyway, be honest with the doc and dont hold back from telling everything as they cant help u unless they no it all. Good luck again, and just to let u no I dont think U r a nutter/psycho or whatever U might think u r ...I think u r a sound bloke and I like ya loads <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> (cherish that as it takes a lot for me to say I like men lol).

[This message has been edited by lolly (edited 24-12-2000).]

[This message has been edited by lolly (edited 24-12-2000).]

[Monkey_Boy]

Thanks lolly and GFM and in fact everyone else who has amzingly surpressed the urge to tell me to shut up or sod off <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

it means a lot to actually know people who listen rather than everyone else who just gawp and then reply with the witty reposte '......what?'

hope u all get what u want for xmas, if i'd wished for a group of understanding folks who, just for once, had an IQ higher than a boiled carrot, santa would be way ahead of me

corny i know, but sod it, i'm a sentimentalist <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> happy xmas u all

[Turtle]

Originally posted by Monkey_Boy:

hope u all get what u want for xmas, if i'd wished for a group of understanding folks who, just for once, had an IQ higher than a boiled carrot, santa would be way ahead of me

corny i know, but sod it, i'm a sentimentalist <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> happy xmas u all

If theSite had asked for a new poster who ppl actually took to - well, I think it (they/we) got what we wanted.

NEwa, I'll echo what Monkey Man said - you guys are great, merry xmas to you all.



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I didn't lose my mind, it was mine to give away.

[j9j9]

Originally posted by Turtle:
If theSite had asked for a new poster who ppl actually took to - well, I think it (they/we) got what we wanted.

NEwa, I'll echo what Monkey Man said - you guys are great, merry xmas to you all.



Happy xmas everyone (I'm sure I'll be putting this in other paces too <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> )

& it's good to have you aboard Monkey_boy, well done GFM for bringing him here.

j9

[Girl-From-Mars]

*smug grin* lol

monkey boy, you're the only one of alllll my friends and acquaintances id consider letting have the address for the site, so feel honoured! <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">

merry christmas everyone <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> (im sure theres a special place in anything goes for this!)

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It's better to regret things you've done than things you haven't.

[Monkey_Boy]

There's only one thing bad about this place...

I'm intimidated by j9's number of posts (curse u, woman!) <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

[Turtle]

Monkey Boy, just remember that when you you're out having fun, enjoying yourself, j9 is probably looking back through old posts trying to research some topic that no one will ever read again. <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> She has no life - we do <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">

(yeah, i know that i'm wrong j9).

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I didn't lose my mind, it was mine to give away.

[j9j9]

Originally posted by Monkey_Boy:
There's only one thing bad about this place...

I'm intimidated by j9's number of posts (curse u, woman!) <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

Well, I've never been described as bad before <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"> , and I've never (to my knowledge) been cursed before either <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">

You shouldn't feel intimidated MB, I'm just someone who talks alot lol.

j9

[LUKA]

Originally posted by j9j9:
Well, I've never been described as bad before <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"> , and I've never (to my knowledge) been cursed before either <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">


{{{{{{{J9}}}}}}}}} you're not bad, you are without a shadow of a doubt the most repected person on the boards, perhaps with the exception of the moderators. Your advice is probably the most listened to and respected, it is a pleasure for me, and I'm sure the rest of the group to call you my friend.

As for bieng cursed, you name me a woman that's not been cursed monthly <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> lol..


Originally posted by j9j9:
You shouldn't feel intimidated MB, I'm just someone who talks alot lol.


<IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/rolleyes.gif"> OH HOW YOU DO !!, but we loves you for it.

{{{{{{{{{{{J9}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Take care babe, we loves ya
Luk



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The river is wide and oh so deep. I've been walking around in tears, No answers arethere to get. Cause between this world and eternity there is a face I hope to see

[j9j9]

but I don't wanna be respected lol, I just wanna be one of the guys.

Maybe it's time for a name change <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

j9

ps that reminds me, time to resurect a thread <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

[This message has been edited by j9j9 (edited 26-12-2000).]

[Turtle]

No j9!!! You can't change names!!! Matt - techie dude - can't you add more levels, more goals, for j9 to break?

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I didn't lose my mind, it was mine to give away.

[Monkey_Boy]

well, that's it, i'm being referred to a psychiatrist because it looks very much like i've got schizophrenia.

I can feel myself losing grip right now, i've never had to deal with anything this big before, i mean i just can't take it in

me
I
moi
je

i'm psychotic, a few sandwiches short of a six pack, mentally deficient, demented, something up there isn't right and i just can't deal with it.

i just feel so diseased it sickens me, i just can't stand to look in the mirror knowing that a freak of nature is looking back at me. i can feel my control slipping between my fingers, i've got the shakes and everything i just don't feel fit to live.

like i'm plagued somehow and that being here will infect other people with my affliction, i just can't express it. I am mentally defective it just won't sink in properly but i do know one thing, i'm having a complete break down.

i don't know what i'm gonna do, i just want to scream but i can't like i'm being suffocated by my own personaliiity

[lolly]

Originally posted by Monkey_Boy:
well, that's it, i'm being referred to a psychiatrist because it looks very much like i've got schizophrenia.

I can feel myself losing grip right now, i've never had to deal with anything this big before, i mean i just can't take it in

me
I
moi
je

i'm psychotic, a few sandwiches short of a six pack, mentally deficient, demented, something up there isn't right and i just can't deal with it.

i just feel so diseased it sickens me, i just can't stand to look in the mirror knowing that a freak of nature is looking back at me. i can feel my control slipping between my fingers, i've got the shakes and everything i just don't feel fit to live.

like i'm plagued somehow and that being here will infect other people with my affliction, i just can't express it. I am mentally defective it just won't sink in properly but i do know one thing, i'm having a complete break down.

i don't know what i'm gonna do, i just want to scream but i can't like i'm being suffocated by my own personaliiity


Monkey_boy, listen Im really sorry to hear that they think its schitzophrenia (sp?) and I wouldnt wish it on anyone but u have to get a grip and put it in perspective. I know u must be scared and I bet just the fact that u have to go see someone is freaking u out but u have to trust me when I say that its not as bad as u think. Im not being unsympathetic by saying u have to get it in perspedtive, coz I no how it feels to be told u r not quite right upstairs, if u no wat I mean. I just wanna try and get u to calm down and deal with it wothout freaking out and completly loosing control.
My auntie was diagnosed schitzophrenic and I have two other friends in the same position. All of them have had some kind of treatment but with the help of others they live a normal life like everyone else. I met one of my friends in hospital, I dont no if u knew this but I was in a psychiatric unit myself not so long ago. Ive been diagnosed with quite a few things but nothing that I havent been able to get some help with. Ive come close to death many a time due to the things ive done to myself in the past and I had a breakdown at the age of aboiut 16. If u met me now u wouldnt beleive what I went through and the state I was in before. Im not proud of wats happened to me in the past but Im telling u this coz I want u to no that u can get through it, it dont mean your life is over. U gotta help yourself to get through it though, and the only way to do that is by accepting u have an illness and finding a way of living life normally and coping with it. Thousands of people r in the same boat as u, u r not alone, and u can do this...trust me!
I hope u havent taken all this the wrong way, I just want u to understand that your life aint over just coz u have been diagnosed with this. This is simply a hurdle that u have gotta find a way to get over... u can either choose to get through it or give up, and u dont hit me as the sort of person who will give up easilly. So chin up mate, we r all behind u and u aint a freak just because of this. If u r, then so am I!!

[Monkey_Boy]

i know i know that i've got something wrong with my brain but it'/s driving me to the brink i just don't know what to do with myself anymore, it's like i'm full of energy but it's got no place to go, i just want to go crazy but i have to keep it under control to stop hurting myself and other people.
I can appreciate that u know what it's like from what u say but i can think about nothing else, and i'm slipping, since i came back i've been fits of emotion be it crying or laughter, sometimes i get so angry it's almost blinding and it's all nonsdensical and rattling around inside my head but i don't know what to do with it.
I don't want to be put away somewhere, i don't want to go into a ward or be diagnosed or anything like that, i just don't want what's happening to me, cos i'm losing it and i don't know what to do. it's like i won't be able to get away from it, this is something i'm going to have to carry around with me for the rest of my life and just want to put it down somewhere it's driving me insane.
i don't want to be a psycho, i just qwant to be me

[lolly]

(((((monkey_boy))))), I wish I could help u more, but I cant. Im really worried about u, dont go doing anything silly will u?
I understand that u r angry and upset and that u dont want this to be happening, but u cant change it. U r not a psycho...stop telling yourself that. It aint gonna make u feel any better!!!

[dirty_harry]

ohh look a nice big sensibl;e topic with tonnes of fuckin big replys. cant be aresed

[Turtle]

Right harry...looks like ur gonna up yr post count tonight with a load of shit!

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I didn't lose my mind, it was mine to give away.

[lolly]

Originally posted by dirty_harry:
ohh look a nice big sensibl;e topic with tonnes of fuckin big replys. cant be aresed

Well dont be arsed then harry...I think this was uncalled for...its a pretty serious topic and if u cant be arsed dont bother telling us about it. Sorry to get heated harry,I no that u r upset and all, but theres really no need to go round winding everyone else up!

[Monkey_Boy]

Originally posted by lolly:
(((((monkey_boy))))), I wish I could help u more, but I cant. Im really worried about u, dont go doing anything silly will u?
I understand that u r angry and upset and that u dont want this to be happening, but u cant change it. U r not a psycho...stop telling yourself that. It aint gonna make u feel any better!!!

Thanks lolly, and u too turtle, i know that i shouldn't be saying these thigns to mysefl but i can't help it, i feel like i'm plagued, a disease that no longer has the right to existence, and i keep on saying 'no it's not like that, u still have friends and ur still the same as u always were' only i've changed, i can't explain it, but i'm someone different now that i know.
Don't worry tho, i won't ccomit suiciide because i feel like there's too much for me to do, but i jast can't help but feel that it would be better if i just didn't exist

[Turtle]

At least u of a ll ppl can deal with this without damaging yourself physically, I can see that. Mentally though, it may be time to get urself really sorted. The confirmation by an expert that you're schizo can really hurt - it happened to me with other things (my parents divorce: could see it coming, but still flipped out when mum left).

I don't know how you feel about it, but maybe u need to go see a physhrink about this, and just get urself sorted. You can only help urself so much when ur this far gone (excuse the seeming coldness of it, i really feel sorry for you, but it's hard for me to give good advice if it's subjective).

Hope you can sort urself out Monkey boy...we're here to help, but it'll take more than just words from caring ppl to sort you out.

{{MB}}

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I didn't lose my mind, it was mine to give away.

[Monkey_Boy]

i'm feeling better now, i spent last night talking to my best friend about it and now i know that it might not be as bad as it seems, i'm being referred to a psychiatricst within 4 weeks so then hopefully i'll be able to do something about it.

But thanks everyone for your support during this, it's probably the hardest thing that i've had to do in my life

[lolly]

Glad u r feeling a bit better monkey_boy, we r all behind u <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

[Monkey_Boy]

Who'd have thought that envelopes could bode so much, the formality of it, the crisp, clinical and unemotional heading 'Pyschological Institute' stamped on the flap.
This is it, i am up for 'examination' as they call it, reminds me of 1984 for some reason (by orwell, not the actual year). Oh god i'm not gonna like this, i got the shakes already and it's 2 weeks away. My parents don't even know yet, i don't know how i could tell them 'hey mum, dad, i'm fucked', it lacks a certain something.

I really don't want this to sound macho or anything so please don't take it that way, but i've never really been afraid of anything before. I have a phobia of spiders but they don't really scare me, i have been tapped on the shoulder by death a few times but there was too much shock to have real fear. I have been afraid for my life before, but then there were only two real options, run or die. Other than that, death has never really vexed me. NOow i'm really afraid really fearing for my life, byut not the fact that it will be taken away from me, the fact that i might have to live it.

I'm not sure if that makes sense, but i am afraid of the torment my own life is going to cause me, there's only one thing to look forward to passt this point/. the answer, the results, the diagnosis, whatever you want to call it. But i already know the answer, of course there's some part of me that says 'nonsense, these things only happen to other people, yyou'll get through it ok' but i'm not very convincing.

What then? what happends after i know the Truth? where do i go from there, this thing could be the end of me, in more ways than one. suicide? perhaps. control? out the window. perspective? fucked. No going back, I need to know, buth at the back of my mind i know that what i hear could make or break me. whcih is it to be? only time will tell

[Girl-From-Mars]

grrr i am so pissed off, i wrote a big reply but i ended up closing the window by accident!!

(((((((((((((((alex))))))))))))))

i know i cant pretend to know what it is youre going through, i do understand what your'e saying. it must be pretty scary, and i know it cant be easy.

you dont have to tell your parents if you dont want to. if you do, they might be able to provide support. but you know what parents are like... but if you can talk to them it would probably help, having someone in your life other than us here who knows something of whats going on with you at the moment. or maybe if you wait till after, you'll have good news to tell them, and you'll have saved worrying them over this if it isnt what you think it is. but then again you can always say you dont know for sure yet until after the evaluation, and that might help reassure them. if you decide to tell them that is.

spiders ARE horrible though arent they? ive been immensely afraid of them since i was about 3. off topic and a bit irrelevant, sorry <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

i understand what you mean when you say you're scared for your life. but PLEASE dont consider suicide or anything, whatever the outcome of this, id miss you too much. you're one of my best friends and i value your friendship far too much to lose it. if it is what you think it is, it CAN be controlled, and you can live a normal life. i know it wont be the same as you'll know, but no one else will have to know, unless you choose to tell them so. i know i wont act any differently towards you, it wouldnt change anything for me, im always gonna be your friend.

and anyway, this is all a big IF, its just as likely for it not to be the case. like you said, time will tell.

in the meantime, and after of course! you know where i am if you want to talk, ill be there for you if you need to talk about stuff, dont worry about burdening me or anything like that with your problems, youre my friend and i love you and i dont want you to go through this on your own.

im gonna cry in a minute, i have to stop writing this!!

you'll be okay, you'll get through this, whatever happens, you still have so much to look forward to in your life.

(((((((alex))))))

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If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.

[lolly]

Im both sorry to hear this and hopefull. Im sorry coz I know hoe u r feeling and its the worst thing ever, nobody wants to go into hospital. Im also a bit hopefull for ya coz I no that even if it feels like the worst thing ever, if it actually happens, u will benefit from it also. I can understand that u wouldnt b thinking that now, but later on u most probably will.
I wouldnt wish this on anyone though and its not gonna be easy, but u have to b strong and try and get through it the best u can. I wouldnt like to see u get put in hospital but if it happens I hope that it will at least do u a few favours. But like u say, its not definate yet and it might not even happen. I do think u should speak to your parents though, goin through this all alone isnt the answer and Im sure u would get more support if they knew. Best of luck mate and chin up!

[Monkey_Boy]

I just couldn't do that to my parents, i can tell u these things because u don't know me and while u obviously care (i AM grateful by the way) no matter what happens to me it would never really devestate any of you.
What i have to tell my parents is no tthe worst thing that could happen, but their world would collapse around them, everything stable that they've built up over the years like a shell would crumble at the breath of a few sentences.
If i am responsible for something like that then i don't know what i'd do, i have no right to go destroying peoples lifestyles that way, 1 is bad enough.
There is no doubt in my mind that they would support me but i can't ask them to do that, my dad is already going through a very tough phase and is on the brink, i really don't want to push him over it.
What they don't know can't hurt them, and that's the way it should stay.

But talking to u lot about anythign else to take my mind off it really helps, thanks a lot peeps, ask of me what you will unto half my kingdom <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

[Girl-From-Mars]

hey thats not true about us not being incredibly upset if something happened to you, i cant speak for the rest of thesite, but you KNOW how upset i would be.

dont feel that telling people your problems is a burden to them. people care about you, and like they share, a problem shared is a problem halved <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> even if it is a cliche! its true. im sure your parents would want to know. but wait till after the assessment thingy whatsit if you think it would be best.

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If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.

[Turtle]

Originally posted by Girl-From-Mars:
hey thats not true about us not being incredibly upset if something happened to you, i cant speak for the rest of thesite, but you KNOW how upset i would be.

dont feel that telling people your problems is a burden to them. people care about you, and like they share, a problem shared is a problem halved <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> even if it is a cliche! its true. im sure your parents would want to know. but wait till after the assessment thingy whatsit if you think it would be best.



As much as I'd love to back you up GFM, i would brite to do so.

Oneof the reasons I dumped anna was because i didn't feel i could support her thru hard times - so i dropped excess baggage.


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I've not lost my mind it's inserted elsewhere - hence the limp.

[Girl-From-Mars]

fair enough for you turtle. not so for me. had you known anna for 2 years though and were you incredibly good friends?

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If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.

[Turtle]

Originally posted by Girl-From-Mars:
fair enough for you turtle. not so for me. had you known anna for 2 years though and were you incredibly good friends?



No and no. But just pointing out that circumstances are often different. Still, your point is still valid.

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I've not lost my mind it's inserted elsewhere - hence the limp.

[Girl-From-Mars]

yaeh i see your point too, i was just saying what i felt about the whole thing from my personal opinion and relationship with the accused lol.. i did not have sexual relations with that man .. lol

this is starting to sound like some kind of trial! hehe

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If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.

[Monkey_Boy]

I realised that I never posted any updates for this, how slack of me lol *slaps wrist*

Well i went to the clinic, and gawd was it intimidating, who would have thought you could be bullied by a waiting room? that was probably the most uncomfortable 10 minutes of my life.
but when i finally got to see the psychiatricst she was really nice about everything and wasn't really pushy or anything like that, she just asked me some questions about what problems i was having and how long for and if they could be linke with any trauma i had, things like that.
however, she said that it was inconclusive and that she couldn't positively identify any problems from this one session so i'm going in on wednesday for a longer one, the 14th that is.

The thing is she didn't give me any incling as to which way it might swing so now i'm all paranoid about what the outcome might be. i't not exactly the most perfect valentines day i could imagine lol, but when it's over i'll be seeing you on the other side <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

wish me luck

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This Is A Public Warning: Monkeys can be harmful if swallowed in large quantities

[LUKA]

Originally posted by Monkey_Boy:
i't not exactly the most perfect valentines day i could imagine lol, but when it's over i'll be seeing you on the other side <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
wish me luck


Good luck Monkey Boy, if it's any concelation I've had my next shrink appointment for Valentines day, I decided in my mind when he made it for that date, that I would walk into his office and tell him if he thought he was gettin a card and flowers he can fck himself <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">. Good luck mate you'll be fine.
Luk

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The river is wide and oh so deep. I've been walking around in tears, No answers arethere to get. Cause between this world and eternity there is a face I hope to see

[lolly]

Yea good luck my little monkey boy, and Im sure it will be ok. Good luck for u too Luka <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
Oh and good luck for myself...Im due tomorrow but u never no my valentines day might be spent in hospital <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">...not so bad though as I just wanna have this little thing!

[Girl-From-Mars]

you could have just told me all of that after the appointment when i asked about it because i cared about you and because i was worried about you. <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">

good luck on wednesday anyway, i'll be thinking of you. and you know, whatever the outcome, i'll be here for you <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
(((((((((((()((((((mb)))))))))))))))))))

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If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.

[Girl-From-Mars]

and hvae you noticed you've gone insane? <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">

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If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.

[Turtle]

Originally posted by Girl-From-Mars:
and hvae you noticed you've gone insane? <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">



Oh dear GOD!!! Not that pun again!!

Alex, best of luck...don't worry, i'll share your v-day misery...no 1 will give me anything (except tara of course...i hope)

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Cos i'm thinking about a brand new hope, one i've never known, and where it goes, cos now I know it's all that wanted.

[ElisaKate]

Good luck Alex...((((((((((((((((((((mb)))))))))))))))))) you know i'm always there for you to talk to <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

[Monkey_Boy]

awwwwww *wipes a tear* you gorgeous little buggers, thanks peeps, you're the nicest bunch of well-meaning and helpfully insightful folk that i've ever met
i would hug you all now, but i wouldn't be letting go any time soon...oh and i live quite a stretch from all of u..except maybe lolly, but at the moment she has a little too much circumference for a REALLY successful hug <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

love you all XXXXXXXX

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This Is A Public Warning: Monkeys can be harmful if swallowed in large quantities

[Turtle]

Originally posted by Monkey_Boy:
awwwwww *wipes a tear* you gorgeous little buggers, thanks peeps, you're the nicest bunch of well-meaning and helpfully insightful folk that i've ever met
i would hug you all now, but i wouldn't be letting go any time soon...oh and i live quite a stretch from all of u..except maybe lolly, but at the moment she has a little too much circumference for a REALLY successful hug <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

love you all XXXXXXXX



lol...very true.


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Cos i'm thinking about a brand new hope, one i've never known, and where it goes, cos now I know it's all that wanted.

[lolly]

Originally posted by Monkey_Boy:
awwwwww *wipes a tear* you gorgeous little buggers, thanks peeps, you're the nicest bunch of well-meaning and helpfully insightful folk that i've ever met
i would hug you all now, but i wouldn't be letting go any time soon...oh and i live quite a stretch from all of u..except maybe lolly, but at the moment she has a little too much circumference for a REALLY successful hug <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

love you all XXXXXXXX




Lmfao yea and this little pooh still aint been born <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">