Self-hate [Archive] - TheSite.org boards

*Beetle Wings*

16-10-2000, 05:33 PM

First of all, Daze, I am NOT a goth. I don't dress in dark clothes. I've hated myself for a lot longer than I've been listening to Marilyn Manson. It's not like I only listen to Marilyn Manson you know. I listen to Radiohead, NIN, Nirvana, Joydrop...

But anyway, getting off the topic, as per usual.

Why do I hate myself? It's quite long, so I'll try and shorten it. When I was a little kid, I was sort of made an outcast by all the other kids, just because I was shy. I know it sounds pathetic, but when you're that young, things like that can leave a huge impression on you. I never had any friends, and the kids always used to point anything out that they thought was wrong, and they'd laugh. I remember one day they did it, and I couldn't see anything because my eyes were so full of tears, and no one cared, I just stood there alone. It may not sound like much to you, but it's had a huge impression on me. Since then, I've always thought that I was a freak, a wierdo, or whatever (yes Daze, go ahead and make a whitty comment about that if you like.) I've gotton worse over the years and now I hate myself to such an extent I want to kill myself sometimes. I look in the mirror and it's like I get this huge pain inside me and my eyes start to fill up. I critisise everything I do. I'm paranoid. Sometimes I feel like everyone can see me and I start to get really freaked out. Basically, I hate myself, I hate everything about myself. And I would probably have killed myself by now, if it weren't for the fact that I don't want to hurt my family.

Okay, is that all you want to know?

------------------
"You're so fucking special.
I wish I was special..." <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">

[This message has been edited by *Beetle Wings* (edited 16-10-2000).]

RedEd

16-10-2000, 06:08 PM

I am sorry that some people have been making fun of you on these boards. It's not your fault, so don't let them upset you.

You actually sound quite depressed to me, hating yourself can be a sign of this. You can get through this if you get some help - the sooner you do that, the sooner you can begin to sort things out and even start to enjoy life.

You deserve a break, so be kind to yourself, and contact your GP or one of the organisations below:

Counselling
Word of mouth recommendations are helpful and members of Depression Alliance local self-help groups might be able to give details of local counsellors.
The British Association for Counselling is the major umbrella organisation for counselling and they can give you a list of local counsellors; send a stamped addressed envelope to them at 1 Regent Place, Rugby, Warwickshire CV21 2PJ.
Telephone 01788 578328.

Psychotherapy
The British Association for Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies is able to provide a directory of registered therapists for £2.00 + postage. Contact them at PO Box 9, Accrington, BB5 2GD. Tel/fax 01254 875277 or email info@babcp.org.uk.

Please do it soon. If you are thinking about suicide on a frequent basis, you are not well and you need help. It will get better if you make the first move, so don't let this go on any longer.

Good luck - please come back and let me know how you are getting on.
Ed

dirty_harry

16-10-2000, 07:32 PM

I been through shit like that. My advise is live life to the max. Car theft is quite a buzz as all these little kids is primary school will buy number plates off me. Quite profitable actually. Or just put a brick through a window belonging to some idiot that u dont like. It really help relieve stress. Just take out your anger on the world.

[This message has been edited by dirty_harry (edited 16-10-2000).]

Daze

16-10-2000, 08:56 PM

Ok how old r u???
To be honest sounds like teenage depression every1 gets it, some worse than others but it's all a phase... U'll grow out of it...
I live by the motto Fuck it... if u start caring too much u get depressed..
The reason y I'm so down on Goths is cos I know/known a few.. n believe me what u just said is what I hear from every damn one of em...

Just gets me pissed off... they dont have shit too worry about... u get kids bulling u at school??? at least u got the oppertunity to go to school...
Ther's ppl in the world who have to go without food everyday... they're families r under constant threat from there own goverment... mothers watching they're children starve to death in fron of them..

That's shit to be depressed about not bullying, just ignore that shit... as for hating urself if u do then change urself change what u dont like... at least u got the oppertunity to do that... change style get a new haircut... if u think u look good u get confidence confidence u get friends, friends u get popular...

Dont sit there moaning bout being depressed bout shitty little things... do summing about it.

*Beetle Wings*

16-10-2000, 09:51 PM

I'm 14 Daze.
If I was depressed about shitty little things, I wouldn't bother posting about it. I mentioned the bullying from when I was about 5 or 6, because I'm sure it has something to do with my mental state write now. The reason I posted about this is because I'm afraid I may have some form of mental problem. Not just petty teenage depression. I've read up alot on this sort of stuff, and I know I'm more sevre than teenage depression.

And please, don't bring those people in the other counrties into this. I know how it is for them, and I know I'm very very lucky to be able to have an education, and I'm very grateful for my eduction.

Most goths are usually just trying to live up to the image of being "goth". That's probably why you hear that shit from them.

Changing my hair and stuff would basically do fuck all for me. Maybe I'd be happy for a few hours, but it'll take more than that for it change.

I actually think I suffer from Aviodant Personality Disorder. If any of you want to read up on it, then check this link out: http://mentalhelp.net/disorders/sx8.htm It seems I have all the symptoms. I just don't know what to do next.

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"You're so fucking special.
I wish I was special..." <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">

[This message has been edited by *Beetle Wings* (edited 16-10-2000).]

Caliph

16-10-2000, 10:10 PM

Hi there beetle wings. I've also considered suicide, and been through periods where I hated what I saw in the mirror. At that time I felt completely los.

A lot of people suffer from chronic depresion around the age 12-15. It's something a lot of people have to cope with. I was also an outcast when I was younger, I knwo what it feels like.

The best advice I can give you is to get help. THis doesn't mean you have any abnormal problems, it just is there are times in everyones life when they need emotional support.

If you can't face telling your parents then find someone else to speak to. Both childline and the samaritans will provide confidential advice and support, as will me and everyone else on these boards.

THere are somethings that no-one is strong enough to cope with on their own, and the words "please help me" are the most important in the world.

If you want any support at all there are loads of people who'll do anything they can to help. Counselling from a psychiatrist can really help to make you feel better about yourself.

Try and talk to your parents. If you find you can't either speak to the Samaritans or a similar organisation, or e-mail me at Source729@hotmail.com

Good luck

Daze

16-10-2000, 11:04 PM

Notice the ages there... Teenage depression gauranteed...
Every1 gets it... A lot of my m8s now looking back a few years still say they were bullied loads n felt shit... Think I'm the only person I know who didn't have problemsthat made them feel like suicide at the 13-17 age... The only nperson I know who dont complain about his childhood a lot is a close m8... he got abused in a childrens home for a long time... has had 6 foster homes n has only just sorting it out... He's getting compensation for it now... but that's another thing that's harsh..

It's natural it's hormones there aint shit u can do about it it's gonna happen... u will grow out of it..

Only positive thing u can think of for now is that if my m8s really did get bullied as much as they said they did... the bullied definately turn out the best ppl..

As for changing ur looks believe me it does help...
I was feelin a bit down.. cos of drug addictions a while back... I changed my image... new haircut new clothes... turned sk8r from trendy... That looking back on it now was 1 of the big points that I sorted my life out... cos I felt better about the way I looked I felt more confident n managed to get off the drugs

j9j9

17-10-2000, 01:25 AM

I really wish Derby or Luka were here.

Beetle Wings, you need help. This is not teenage depression, and contrary to popular belief, not everyone gets it.

It really does sound to me like you are seriously depressed and you are unlikely going to be able to get out of it on your own.

I wouldn't be suprised if deep seated, like you say, linked to those awful playground events. I felt for you when I read your post.
{{{{{{{Beetle Wings}}}}}}}}. I just want to hug the child and tell her that it will be alright.

Please try to get some help, but remember too that we r here.

J9

Palas

17-10-2000, 04:01 PM

Beetle Wings,

I know exactly how you feel.
Going to a lecture on depression really helped. I was the only one who could relate to what the lecturer was talking about, and had lunch with him afterwards. It's not a cure, but finding someone who understands/has had the condition you describe I think is very important.
Pleasant lecture in a sea of darkness aside,
if you're not prepared to take anything for it from your doctor - I refused as I thought it was unnatural and degrading - you really have to wait. That's all I did, going mad for 4-5 years.
That doesn't sound too cheerful, does it! But that is all I did, and I agree with Daze that you come out a top person. A lot of my friends can relate to what I went through.
Get exercise, focus on other things, don't overstretch yourself in any field of activity, reject guilt as much as you can and trust me - it will get better.
The bottom line is:
You will come out of it even if you can't possibly imagine what that would be like. You're 14, a time of change, which in your case is good - the future will be different, thank god, and you will feel and look different. Make the change as interesting and smooth as possible by staying active and educating yourself in what you think will be useful in the future.

Don't worry as much as you are doing now.

Palas

*Beetle Wings*

17-10-2000, 06:09 PM

Originally posted by j9j9:

I felt for you when I read your post.
{{{{{{{Beetle Wings}}}}}}}}. I just want to hug the child and tell her that it will be alright.

Please try to get some help, but remember too that we r here.

J9

Thank you <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

------------------
"You're so fucking special.
I wish I was special..." :(

*Beetle Wings*

17-10-2000, 06:12 PM

Originally posted by Daze:
Notice the ages there... Teenage depression gauranteed...
Every1 gets it... A lot of my m8s now looking back a few years still say they were bullied loads n felt shit... Think I'm the only person I know who didn't have problemsthat made them feel like suicide at the 13-17 age... The only nperson I know who dont complain about his childhood a lot is a close m8... he got abused in a childrens home for a long time... has had 6 foster homes n has only just sorting it out... He's getting compensation for it now... but that's another thing that's harsh..

It's natural it's hormones there aint shit u can do about it it's gonna happen... u will grow out of it..

Only positive thing u can think of for now is that if my m8s really did get bullied as much as they said they did... the bullied definately turn out the best ppl..

As for changing ur looks believe me it does help...
I was feelin a bit down.. cos of drug addictions a while back... I changed my image... new haircut new clothes... turned sk8r from trendy... That looking back on it now was 1 of the big points that I sorted my life out... cos I felt better about the way I looked I felt more confident n managed to get off the drugs

I can't say I agree with you, but I'm glad you got off the drugs. Trust me, it's not just natural hormones to feel this way. Like I say, I've read up alot on this stuff.

Sorry for being a bitch, Daze.

------------------
"You're so fucking special.
I wish I was special..." :(

Daze

17-10-2000, 07:10 PM

Ok.... Sorry too.....
Gotta scuse my bluntness... I got opininions on stuff n although I dont really care bout my opinions I do put em accross bluntly... n usually rude to every1 who dont agree with em in the process... do the same in real life as well, just have to get used to me...
I never get pissed off with n e thing really (cept maybe the fact I put in too man full stops)... just continue arguements cos it's fun...
N e way ppl get used to it...
but n e way who cares n e way....lol

ElisaKate

17-10-2000, 07:12 PM

Originally posted by j9j9:
I really wish Derby or Luka were here.

Beetle Wings, you need help. This is not teenage depression, and contrary to popular belief, not everyone gets it.

It really does sound to me like you are seriously depressed and you are unlikely going to be able to get out of it on your own.

I wouldn't be suprised if deep seated, like you say, linked to those awful playground events. I felt for you when I read your post.
{{{{{{{Beetle Wings}}}}}}}}. I just want to hug the child and tell her that it will be alright.

Please try to get some help, but remember too that we r here.

J9

I feel the same way J9. Even though if I did reach out and hug her it would be a bit weird cause I'm not that older than you! I'm 16. I think that it does sound more than teenage depression. Anyway, where is Derby? I know about luka but we need Derbys advice!!

Caliph

17-10-2000, 07:16 PM

Not everyone suffers from depression during adolesence, and its a lot worse for some people than it is for others.

Just remember that depression is much commoner than people think, one in five people will have months on end when they feel awful.

Reading your posts I think that you're a wonderful individual who shows an amazing amount of compassion and understanding.

Its very easy to from a shell around yourself as a result of bullying when you were younger.

If when you tried to make friends you got rejected, for whatever reason, then each time you try in the future, you're afraid of getting rejected again, and are more hesitant and more likely to be rejected.

And eventually you stop trying to bridge the gap. THis isn't really the sort of thing that can be cured just with a few posts.

THe best advice I can give you is to try and talk to people. Try and overcome your shyness. I think that you might be beter off seeing a psychiatrist, I've been sevral times and it has made a difference.

But most importantly of all, Big Hugs. We'll all help you in anyway we can. I'm sure you'll beat this. Take care, big hugs once more.

lolly

17-10-2000, 08:29 PM

Hey there beetle!
Sorry to hear u r feeling shitty. I suffered from depression/self hate for years and still do but its so much better since I got help and medication. Meds aint the answer for everyone and your GP will most likely get u to try something else bfore, but I strongly advise u to get some help.
I dont agree that its just a phase, although that can be the case with some people. The best advise I can give u is to remember u r not alone and whatever u feel, there have been other people out there who have felt it too. Get yourself to the docters or try another organisation that specialises in depression/self hate. I really hope things turn out ok for u.
Lots of love lolly

~*LADY LIBERTY*~

17-10-2000, 08:31 PM

I've suffered from depression, but I have councilling.
Try to keep yourself as busy as possible, that'll keep your mind off bad thoughts.
Anyway, you are great, if anyone says otherwise, tell them to go fuck themselves because you'll only be stuck with them until you leave school.

*Beetle Wings*

17-10-2000, 10:01 PM

Originally posted by Caliph:

Reading your posts I think that you're a wonderful individual who shows an amazing amount of compassion and understanding.
Thanks <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> Although, I have a feeling you're saying that to make me feel better. But that's okay, any comment is better than none at all!

Its very easy to from a shell around yourself as a result of bullying when you were younger.

If when you tried to make friends you got rejected, for whatever reason, then each time you try in the future, you're afraid of getting rejected again, and are more hesitant and more likely to be rejected.

And eventually you stop trying to bridge the gap.
I have to agree with everything you just said, what you just said is like the story of my life.

But most importantly of all, Big Hugs. We'll all help you in anyway we can. I'm sure you'll beat this. Take care, big hugs once more.

Thank you! <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> :P

------------------
"You're so fucking special.
I wish I was special..." <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">

[This message has been edited by *Beetle Wings* (edited 17-10-2000).]

Daze

18-10-2000, 02:16 AM

Ow sounds painful...
hope it gets better soon

Caliph

18-10-2000, 10:22 PM

I hope Derby recovers soon. Whats happened to GwaiMui? Anyone know?

GwaiMui

19-10-2000, 01:41 PM

Beetle, I know exactly where you are coming from. I was bullied really badly at Primary school. I guess its because I have always been different and I was a bit of a tom boy.

I was quite bright and creative and I guess the others felt threatened by this. I wasn't really shy but when virtually every girl in my class would gang up on me in the playground pushing me around I felt like I couldn't do anything.

I felt isolated, it was terrible. Especially considering the enourmous weight I carried from being sexually abused. The bullying was the last thing I needed. I learned to defend myself by the time I started Secondary school and even though I never fitted in too well with any one group they knew I would defend myself if they tried to bully me.

I had a few friends but there weren't that many that I really trusted. Even though I defended myself I was still unhappy that I wasn't accepted.

However, I have always been opinionated and I guess this is what the popular girly girls didn't like. I didn't form opinions or act a certain way just to get guys to fancy me! I wanted to belong to a group but I wasn't prepared to change my individuality.

If you were different to other ppl at your school, Beetle you should be proud of that. You are strong because you got through it. They are week because they needed to be in a group to feel tough.

I have met the biggest perpetrator of the bullying I suffered at Primary school and she is now very quiet and is a housewife with 4 kids. She even named one of her kids with my name! I couldn't believe it. I mean, I felt a chill down my spine whenever I met someone with the same name as her but she actually must have liked me all along because she named her kid the same name as mine. Weird! Maybe she envied me all along. Anyway, now she is a really nice person and a good mother and she confided in me that she bullied ppl at school because she had a bad upbringing and her parents didn't care when the teachers would contact them about her bad behaviour. I ended up feeling really sorry for her.

I have also bumped into many of the girls I met along my journey through secondary school and I just love it when they ask me about my achievements and I have outdone them before I even open my mouth! I know it sounds juvenile but it does feel great when they see me and I am successful in my career, happily married with a beautiful daughter and I still look good! <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

There is so much to live for Beetle, just imagine what you can do with your life and then one day do what I did and show it all off to the ppl that treated you like you were nothing. It will feel great just thinking about it. If you are determined enough to make something happen you can do it.

If I told you everything I have achieved in my life and told you the nasty obstacles that tried to get in my way you should realise that you are capable of anything <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

I used to hate myself and I can let you know how I got over that, if you want to email me for deeper chats about your issues melissa@atlast.co.uk

Palas

19-10-2000, 06:23 PM

Avoid Radiohead. It did wonders for me.
They make you want to saty in bed and cry. Sort of.

<IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">

*Beetle Wings*

19-10-2000, 10:17 PM

Originally posted by Palas:
Avoid Radiohead. It did wonders for me.
They make you want to saty in bed and cry. Sort of.

<IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">
I kinda think that's why I like them <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> I felt like staying in bed and crying before I listened to Radiohead. Now I have music to accompany those moments <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">
My signature is from the Radiohead song "Creep". I love that song.

------------------
"You're so fucking special.
I wish I was special..." <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">

[This message has been edited by *Beetle Wings* (edited 19-10-2000).]

Daze

20-10-2000, 02:31 AM

Damn no wonder ur depresseed.....
Listen to some Happy Hardcore to brigthen up ur days... make ya laugh n e way... trouble with music nowadays all damn depressing

GwaiMui

20-10-2000, 01:13 PM

I love Creep by Radiohead. I used to always get my Nirvana CDs out when I was depressed but I realised it wasn't doing me any good. It was making me worse.

What Daze suggests works you know. I listen to Hard House and Trance every day. I do intensive aerobics to it and it really puts you in a wicked frame of mind as well as keeping you physically fit.

Don't limit yourself. My musical tastes are so diverse (from 1940s up until today). I love music and I am up for loadsa different stuff.

Caliph

20-10-2000, 09:58 PM

What GwaiMui said with aerobics, it does work. If your feeling really shitty then hard exercise can sometimes make you feel better, don't ask me how, it just works for me.

Find a sport you like, and just work at that. It can help.

*Beetle Wings*

21-10-2000, 02:02 PM

First of all, I hate that kind of music. I find it more irritating than anything else. I'm more into rock/metal and some indie.
And I hate sports. Never been my thing. Doing sports probably makes me more depressed, I hate it so much.
So there ya go.

------------------
"You're so fucking special.
I wish I was special..." :(

dirty_harry

21-10-2000, 02:12 PM

there YOU go. You listen to dark depressing music and never get any excercise. Thats your problem, you are unfit and stay inside all day.

Daze

21-10-2000, 06:52 PM

Hmmm u hate it?? u do sound badly depressed to be honest, making me depressed listening to u(no offense)...
I listen to metal n hip-hop a lot which isnt to happy but still better than the droning depressin stuff...
go running to happy hardcore make ya happy

Caliph

22-10-2000, 12:14 AM

You say that you hate sports. Do you really hate it, or does it just have unpleasant associations for you? Like scenes of childhood bullying.

Do you really hate sport, or does it just bring back memories of soemthing that you weren't much good at.

I used to be crap at sport, and really hated it. Then I found some sports I really like. I've never played any of the sports I was made to do since, but the sports I did at my own pace I've become quite good at.

The long term key to beating depression and self hate doesn't come from wearing different clothes or listening to happy music.

It comes from self acceptance, and learning to live with yourself. Try keeping a diary, that can be a real help. Good luck.

*Beetle Wings*

22-10-2000, 09:01 PM

Hey people. I've already said, I hate that music. I simply just find it irritating. Just because I listen to music that may make you depressed, it doesn't say that it is the root of everything that makes me depressed! I just prefer the way it sounds to that Happy Hardcore stuff. I naturally like metal/rock or whatever.
And as for sports. I just hate it. I'm lazy. I don't like to do stuff like that. Hello, I am still a teenager, I think I have a right to be lazy. I can't be arsed to excersise and listen to music that makes me wanna bash my head off the wall.

Mmmmkay???

------------------
"I'm not here.
This isn't happening..."

[This message has been edited by *Beetle Wings* (edited 22-10-2000).]

Caliph

23-10-2000, 02:03 AM

Okay, sure. I've never tried to tell you what sort of music to listen to. OMG, isn't this turning into a popular thread...

Do whatever you want. We're just giving you suggestions, some sensible, others not quite so sensible. Just trying to help, honest!

Daze

23-10-2000, 02:27 AM

I dunno for sure but I think musics got a lot too do with ur moods... Either it causes the mood or u like the music cos thats the mood ur in...
Ther's certain rock/metal bands that r happy or violent which is even better... so u dont have to be restrivcted to dark moany depressive stuff...

As u say ur a teenager n lazy... so once again I still think it is teenage depression or depression via being teenage..

GwaiMui

24-10-2000, 12:56 PM

You shouldn't underestimate the power of music. It can stimulate your senses and also touch raw nerves.

I was listening to some 50s mp3s that I downloaded the other day and I spent the whole day and night spontaneously bursting into tears because of certain tracks that reminded me of how much I loved my Dad when I was a little girl.

OK, dance music annoys you so this is not a great choice for you. Maybe you should find some other type of music that is not as depressing as the stuff you listen to all the time. Be more diverse in your choices. The way you are limiting yourslef in the music you listen to, you are also limiting your own choices in life. Try new things. If you don't experience new and refreshing things in your life you are bound to get depressed aren't you?

Music is so powerful and emotional. I have identified the music that depresses me and I totally avoid listening to it. It is called self control. If I listen to it I am simply fuelling any sadness that lies deep within. It is kind of like allowing yourself to feel sorry for yourself. Sometimes it is good to let this out but to do it constantly is another issue.

This doesn't mean to say I am depressed, everyone has some sadness deep within. But if we are depressed we can get stuck in a rut, fuelling the depression.

You have to take control of your life. You can beat the illness by looking deep into your soul and realising what is causing the problem.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel with depression. If you are willing to do something about it you can beat it. But if you want to wallow in self-pity for the rest of your life you will never get out <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">

You need to learn to love yourself for what you are and realise how wonderful life is. It is there for the taking and it is whatever you make it <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

You know a little about what happened to me as a child so if I can sit here and say that life is wonderful thats enough to prove to anyone that life is whatever you make it <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

You are so young and have so many great things waiting for you. Life is exciting, you make your own decisions as an adult and walk the paths that you decide to. Life has so much to offer. OK, bad things can happen but all we can do is learn from these experiences.

I hope you don't find me patronising and I hope that you are soon feeling better. Put it this way, if things are so bad for you right now, things can only get better <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

LUKA

24-10-2000, 08:01 PM

Originally posted by j9j9:
I really wish Derby or Luka were here.

J9

As if by magic he appears. Thanks for your card J9 it was really kind.

Beatle, J9 as always is right. you sound a very depressed soul, and would advise you seek help from your GP. It's not an easy step, especially when you have to open yourself and heart to your scars. I am currently in my 4th week of hospital treatment for depression and have found it very hard to confront issues such as child abuse, because I have realised that cutting my wrists because of the pain (which I didn't do till I got here) was wrong and getting on with it I have limited access to the net again as a reward. you can beat depression if you need any help or advice please feel free to e-mail me.

Take care
Luka

Palas

27-10-2000, 02:49 PM

Beetle, you're being a complete prat.
The music you listen to makes you feel shit - that's partly why you listen to it. It sounds to me as if you're lolling in your own sadness and feeling sorry for yourself to a certain degree. In that respect, nothing beats 'Sing' on Blur's 'Leisure'. In fact most indie revolves aound sadness. Artists in that field admit all of it comes from being down. Brett Anderson can't write when he's feeling fine. Apparently.
As for exercise, get off your ass. A good run will relase a sense of elation (caused by serotonin in your brain)as will a stretch or any effort.
Your not making any efforts.
If you don't like Trance or breakbeat or whatever, get some JazzSamba!
Don't waste yourself. Go for a swim. Go to the gym. Get out!

LUKA

27-10-2000, 06:28 PM

Originally posted by Palas:
Beetle, you're being a complete prat.
The music you listen to makes you feel shit - that's partly why you listen to it. It sounds to me as if you're lolling in your own sadness and feeling sorry for yourself to a certain degree. In that respect, nothing beats 'Sing' on Blur's 'Leisure'. In fact most indie revolves aound sadness. Artists in that field admit all of it comes from being down. Brett Anderson can't write when he's feeling fine. Apparently.
As for exercise, get off your ass. A good run will relase a sense of elation (caused by serotonin in your brain)as will a stretch or any effort.
Your not making any efforts.
If you don't like Trance or breakbeat or whatever, get some JazzSamba!
Don't waste yourself. Go for a swim. Go to the gym. Get out!

Hardly constructive advice there palas, that sort of opinion is what helps bring on depression I therefore find your opinion a worthless contribution, being so shallow as to blame the music one listens to is crazy. we listen to music because we like the music we listen to, granted that certain types of music have a lower tone to it than others but it's a comfort listening to what pleases us.

you did make a valid point about exercise, exercise stimulates the endorphines in the body wich helps good feeling. also chocholate can help with the same effect, which is why we feel good with a bar of dairy milk or galaxy. No doubt palas you'll think I'm a greedy F**K and Fat bastard for scoffing down galaxy, but your opinion mean sod all to me.

Beatle I still stick by what I said earlier, please find some help for yourself b4 it's too late

*Beetle Wings*

27-10-2000, 09:58 PM

Originally posted by Palas:
Beetle, you're being a complete prat.
The music you listen to makes you feel shit - that's partly why you listen to it. It sounds to me as if you're lolling in your own sadness and feeling sorry for yourself to a certain degree.
As for exercise, get off your ass. A good run will relase a sense of elation (caused by serotonin in your brain)as will a stretch or any effort.
Your not making any efforts.
If you don't like Trance or breakbeat or whatever, get some JazzSamba!
Don't waste yourself. Go for a swim. Go to the gym. Get out!

Fuck you. I think I know why I'm depressed, not you. The music I like has fuck all to do with it. My depression, I believe, is rooted deep within memories of being pushed back and ignored by kids at school from an early age. I listen to the music I do, because it's simply more to my taste. It's not just "dark" music that I like, I'm also a fan of 50's/60's music too. Only I prefer "dark" music, it's just more to my taste.
Could we please stop it with this music bullshit?!

And as for exercise? I admit it, I'm a lzy bitch. I don't enjoy exercise. I think you'll agree, doing something I don't anjoy isn't really gonna help. I'll rather take Luka's suggestion-- CHOCOLATE <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">

------------------
"I'm not here.
This isn't happening..."

[This message has been edited by *Beetle Wings* (edited 27-10-2000).]

dirty_harry

27-10-2000, 10:21 PM

I really think its the music, being bullied in the past don't cause depression. You won't realise it but it is the music that does it. Also exercise is important. You will enjoy it once you're able to do it. Once your fitter you'll feel more confident. You are in self denial and really are being quite an arrogant prat.

*Beetle Wings*

28-10-2000, 11:01 AM

Originally posted by dirty_harry:
I really think its the music, being bullied in the past don't cause depression. You won't realise it but it is the music that does it. Also exercise is important. You will enjoy it once you're able to do it. Once your fitter you'll feel more confident. You are in self denial and really are being quite an arrogant prat.

Oh my, THANK YOU!
Fuck you. It's not the music. It's not the fact that I don't do exercise.Jesus. Do you people listen to anything? When I was younger I used to listen to POP music! (I admit it!) BUT. I got older and thought, "This music isn't really all that good anymore." Gradually, I started listening to rock music/metal/indie/punk/grunge I got BORED of the cheesy pop tunes. Started listening to my dad's old rock albums, and went from there. It's really not the music. I don't just listen to the songs that have a depressing theme.

The depression does come deeply down to the bullying. When I was younger, I was called a freak/ugly/stupid, told I wasn't good enough to play with the kids (and the KIDS were the ones who said it all) When you're like 6/7/8 years old, it makes a pretty big impression on you. Now, when I think of it all, I break down and cry. I realise that my head's so fucked up because of that, and it pisses me off, and now I got so much hate in me for those people because of what they've done to me, and I still have to go to school with them now.

So PLEASE, cut this music shit because I've said it about a million times, IT'S NOT THE FUCKING MUSIC!

Oh and if you think I'm an arrogant prat, it's people like you that make me that way.
Self denial? Sorry. I couldn't be more honest with myself. I know myself more than you. So don't be so quick to fucking judge.

GwaiMui

29-10-2000, 05:53 PM

Shit that happens to u in your childhood can affect u big time. Everyone is different and different experiences affect different ppl in different ways.

U r recognising what it is that has triggered off your depression so u r in a better position to deal with it.

Now u need to find a way to be strong and beat your sadness. Are u willing to just lay down and let this shit ruin your life or r u going to stand up and do something about it?

I have been there with depression and no therapy or drug helped me. I toughened up and decided it was time to take control of my life. You can do this too.

*Beetle Wings*

30-10-2000, 04:49 PM

Thanks Gwai.

I can't really be arsed with this post anymore. Most people just seem to like posting insults and brushing it off with "teen depression" and arrogance and all that shit.
I can't be arsed with it. If you're gonna post, post something helpful, please.

j9j9

30-10-2000, 07:06 PM

Originally posted by *Beetle Wings*:
Thanks Gwai.

I can't really be arsed with this post anymore. Most people just seem to like posting insults and brushing it off with "teen depression" and arrogance and all that shit.
I can't be arsed with it. If you're gonna post, post something helpful, please.

The only advice I can give at this point Beetle Wings is to listen to Luka & Gwai and ignore advice that you don't agree with.

You can get alot of support on these forums, but unfortunately, sometimes, people answer before reading properly. Please don't let it bug you. We've all got a good side. <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

J9

[This message has been edited by j9j9 (edited 30-10-2000).]

RedEd

30-10-2000, 07:24 PM

Hi Beetle Wings

Shame there have been a few more immature and unhelpful remarks since my last post, but like Luka and j9j9 have said, try to ignore them.

Hope you are OK at the moment. Have you thought any more about what you might do to help yourself? You have my full support and best wishes.

Keep in touch
Ed

PS I think happy hardcore is a very depressing genre of music, and I can see why you'd never want to listen to it in a million years. LOL.

Girl-From-Mars

21-11-2000, 02:44 AM

im quite offended by what daze and harry were saying about it just beign "teenage depression" and because of the music people listen to, so i cant imagine how beetle wings feels. i empathise with you beetle to some extent.. and i wish these immature idiots would think about what theyr'e writing and how it will affect people who are already depressed if they express it in an uneducated way.

i listen to indie music too, im not into marilyn manson and korn and heavy stuff, more like stereophonics, ash, foo fighters, coldplay, etc. yeah some songs can be depressing.. but thats just stupid saying its the music that CAUSES depression.. ok if a song brings back sad memories then it might make you depressed. but i dont like happy hardcore/trance/house whatever, so i dont think listenign to it would do anything other than irritate me.people should be allwoed to lsiten to whatever music they like without a) being made to feel bad about it and that its the root to their probs and b not try to force it on anyone and respect people who d ont like it (as long as those people respect their right to like it.) anyway getting off topic.

i was bullied, not physically, but just bitched at by some girls in year 7, 8, 9.. they did apologise to me in ear 10 but i dont know how much they meant it. and i think it did affect me. of course people can be affected by things that happen to them in childhood!! ive alwasy had problems with friends.. i seem to pick the ones who will be bitchy towards me or behind my back, and who will just behave totally as friends should not do. i thought i got rid of a group of immature girls in year 11, and made some good new friends.. but sadly they're just the same. with the exception of one who ive known for years.. she goes to a different school now but we still keep in touch (friends that leave never keep in touch, sort of gives me a complex that people keep leaving me as soon as i get close to them...which im sure daze or harry will make fun of).. and one other, who, sometimes is just the same as the bitchy rest and seems to be against me and never thank me or return favours or anything.. but shes the best friend out of all of them.also my boyfriend who is my best friend, he has been ever since i started talking to him (on teh net i might add!) and now we've been together almost 16 months. and i have some other close friends on the net who i havent even met. doesnt make them any less best friends though, better than the ones in person.

anyway ive kind of lost the plot.... basically i empathise with you beetle.. im currently quite depressed, havent seen my doctor, dont want to, dont like docs for other unrelated reason and feel embarrassed talking to ppl i dont know about my probs (hmm guess i could type some stuff then print it out from here couldnt i?! <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> ) its mainyl to do with A levels and stress.. and friends and how un-friendlike they are than to do with childhoo bullying, but i know that caused me a load of depression and low self esteem in year 9 and all the other years, i seriously considered changing schools because of it. so beetle, sorry if ive made you fall asleep! but dont listen to the people that think they know you better than you do yourself and express themselves in a derorgatory way towrds you (such as daze and harry!), listen to people like J9, gwaimui, caliph and luka, they know what they're talking about. and it helps to talk, if you dont have someone in your life you CAN talk to, id recommend seeing your GP and asking for a referral to a psychiatrist/councellor, whatever you want to call it. i guess im just hoping i have supportive people in my life... but we all need help sometimes, a psychiatrist may be the one to give it to you. good luck. <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

kielbasa sausage

15-07-2005, 12:09 PM

Hey BW,

Hope you're still reading this because I can see that most people have posted stuff that is worse than useless. I have recently been trying to work out whats up with me and I have identified that self hate is a symptom i'm experiencing. I have done a bit of digging around on the net and there is a condition called Borderline Personality Dissorder (BPD) that causes most sufferers to experience feelings of self hate. Google BPD and you should get plenty of info on it so I won't go into it here.

The other thing i will say is that its probably worth getting councelling (if you haven't already). I have been intending to for a long time but have always been too affraid to do it and keep putting it off. I have decided to get my act together and take the plunge though so fingers crossed. At least once a pro is on the case you'll get to know if something is wrong, what it is and what to do about it.

Best of luck

K