OK, so does she like me?

[PseudoXavier]

Hi all,

OK. I'm 18, at college, and a fucking disaster when it comes to girls. I'm totally insecure when it comes to this area, but am pretty confident in the social / academia / career side of things.

I have a problem. I only find satisfaction in being with women I truely adore. A couple of times, I have been lucky enough to get them, but then scared them off by trying to hard, and acting a bit like Jim Carey in Cable Guy (A paranoid schizophernic obsessive - Maybe not that bad...but u get the idea!). I have a few people intersted in me, but i'm not interested in them. The girls that I'm interested in, don't seem to be interested in me.

Anyway, now that the background is laid out, I am really fond of this girl I know. I have absolutely no idea how she feels about me though, and as a result, no idea what I should do about the situation. She has a boyfriend, who she doesn't seem to have any deep feelings for. When he is mentioned she makes it out toi be a terrible relationship. Says she doesn't like it, but probably wouldn't prefer to be single. He's older that her (mid twenties) she's 16. We have been flirting mildly, and she gives me these very long, almost intimate, hugs. Very touchy, sort of thang. I tend to make a fool of myself because I get to shy to speak (doh!). Anyway, things have changed, and I don't see her so much, but will do again in a couple of months. I have been occasionally emailing her, and she replies, and tells me she thinks i'm a nice guy, and whatever. She never sends the msg first though, and I doubt she would if I didn't.

Apparently she is a flirt, but she is different in the way she flirts with other people (makes it obvious that it IS just flirting). I have been complaining to her that my love life is shite, so she may just feel sorry for me...i don't know!

So...my questions.

1) Does she like me?

2) What should my course of action be?

3) How the fuck do I strike a balance between being an obsessive, and completely letting a relationship pass me by?

HELP!

Lovestruck,

PseudoXavier.

[Alan london]

Originally posted by PseudoXavier:
Hi all,

OK. I'm 18, at college, and a fucking disaster when it comes to girls. I'm totally insecure when it comes to this area, but am pretty confident in the social / academia / career side of things.

I have a problem. I only find satisfaction in being with women I truely adore. A couple of times, I have been lucky enough to get them, but then scared them off by trying to hard, and acting a bit like Jim Carey in Cable Guy (A paranoid schizophernic obsessive - Maybe not that bad...but u get the idea!). I have a few people intersted in me, but i'm not interested in them. The girls that I'm interested in, don't seem to be interested in me.

Anyway, now that the background is laid out, I am really fond of this girl I know. I have absolutely no idea how she feels about me though, and as a result, no idea what I should do about the situation. She has a boyfriend, who she doesn't seem to have any deep feelings for. When he is mentioned she makes it out toi be a terrible relationship. Says she doesn't like it, but probably wouldn't prefer to be single. He's older that her (mid twenties) she's 16. We have been flirting mildly, and she gives me these very long, almost intimate, hugs. Very touchy, sort of thang. I tend to make a fool of myself because I get to shy to speak (doh!). Anyway, things have changed, and I don't see her so much, but will do again in a couple of months. I have been occasionally emailing her, and she replies, and tells me she thinks i'm a nice guy, and whatever. She never sends the msg first though, and I doubt she would if I didn't.

Apparently she is a flirt, but she is different in the way she flirts with other people (makes it obvious that it IS just flirting). I have been complaining to her that my love life is shite, so she may just feel sorry for me...i don't know!

So...my questions.

1) Does she like me?

2) What should my course of action be?

3) How the fuck do I strike a balance between being an obsessive, and completely letting a relationship pass me by?

HELP!

Lovestruck,

PseudoXavier.


Hello mate

I read your message and feel compelled to offer you my "advice" - for what it's worth. I have been in a similar situation to that which you describe. Time to apply just a little bit of logic:

The first thing to understand is that she is already in a relationship and therefore, no matter what happens between you, she is involved with someone else. This presents two problems: 1) You could get your head kicked in for treading on his toes and 2) she probably likes this guy more than you realise (simply because the way you explain it, she says she is "unhappy" but would still prefer to be with him). As a result of 2) she is already emotionally comitted to another person (whether she knows it or not) and this could be problematic - e.g. baggage and emotional confusion.

In addition, she is clearly not making any major effort with you and I'm sorry to say that in my opinion, this means it is most unlikely that she feels the way you do (this might also be because she is emotionally involved with the other guy).

Next: She is obviously aware of the fact that you like her and this situation is not at all good for you. She is in control and whether she or you know it or not, she calls the shots.

The tendancy for us guys to "fall for" those women we know we can't have / get is very common. The Femme Fatale Syndrome!

Unfortunately, sometimes you have to acknowledge to yourself that it is perhaps more obsession than genuine love?

My advice overall :

Chill out. Forget her. Go out and have a great time with your friends. Stay in touch with her, but don't get to close. Let her "wonder" about you.

If you can't do this and you really cannot get this girl out of your head - the only alternative for you is to tell her exactly how you feel. This is risky for the obvious reason that it might scare her off.

BUT if you don't tell her, she will never know and you will also probably explode with frustrated desire. You never know, she might express surprise and delight?


Good luck and let us know how you get on.



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Alan