Need help to make sex better!

[Mooney]

hmmm, where should i start. Well I'm 22 and my girlfriend is 20. We've been together for 2 yrs. The main problem we have is that she seems to have trouble reaching an orgasm. She has said that the moment she starts building up she kind of shuts down cuz she feels like she's losing control. We've spoken it through and I've tried reasuring her as much as possible. We have quite an open relationship and I've asked her about the kind of stuff she'd like me to do and what her turn ons are etc. I've tried doing different things like going down on her(which she's only let me do once, she did climax but she's not let me do it since). Having sex in different places and different positions. We both lead quite busy lives plus we both still live with our parents so we only really get to have sex once or twice a week max. She is interested in sex cuz she initiates it as much as I do, i just don't understand what I'm doing wrong or what I can do to try and remedy the problem. She's not over adventurous in bed. We never usually make any noise(cuz we're either in mine or her parents house). She's never given me oral sex(and as I mentioned she doesn't like it done to her). From a personal point of view I have great sex, we always have about 20 mins of foreplay and she's seriously hot, I have trouble holding myself back alot of the time <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> I'm just left feeling shitty at the end though because I feel like I've failed <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
She says she's always been like it and has never even climaxed with a guy before me but I feel like she hardly ever cums and I'm left feeling totally helpless.
Sorry for babbling on, some of what I've said is probably not relevant but I need help! Thank goodness the internet is anonymous! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">
Thanks in advance to any1 who replies.

[asho]

hey moonie. i cnat really sat anything to u because im still a virgin, but i just felt bad cause no-one was replyin and its ur first post. dont want u to htink we are all mean <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">we are nice really <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

[amadee]

Hey Mooney, welcome to the site!
First, it sounds like you're a really great guy. You've been doing everything right (talking to her about what she likes and doesn't like, why she doesn't climax, etc)... so don't feel like you've failed, because you haven't!

It seems from what you've said that she's not reaching orgasm because she doesn't want to. So this is porbably something you need to work out through talking, not by making the sex 'better' (seems like it's pretty good already if she's initiating it as much as you are).

Sometimes it can be really hard to make a woman orgasm just through sex. I've never had an orgasm from sex... I've felt really great, but I've never had an orgasm. This is because I orgasm from clitoral stimulation only (the g-spot doesn't factor into it at all). Maybe this is the case with your girlfriend too, and it explains why she had an orgasm when you went down on her.

My boyfriend always fingers me or goes down on me and makes sure I have an orgasm before we have sex, which makes things much better on both sides... I'm happy, relaxed, and super wet, and he doesn't have to worry about pleasing me. Sex still feels really great for me even though I know I'm not going to orgasm.

So my advice is to talk to her a bit more about the "losing control" issue... it seems like that's your main problem. For me, the whole feeling of losing control is what's so great about having an orgasm, I can just melt into feeling wonderful and everything else is second to that at that moment. Maybe one way for your girlfriend to be more comfortable with the idea of reaching an orgasm would be to masturbate. Then she'd be totally in control. Maybe once she gets used to it that way, you can take over for her.

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Your cycles have bled into ones supposed to be my own (http://www.echoing.org/~a)

[Mooney]

Thanks for the advice. I'll definately talk to her about it, although tbh I can't see her pleasuring herself around me, I think she'd be too embarassed. :/

[amadee]

No problem, I'm glad I could help a little.

She may be a little embarassed now, but give her time and she may relax around you more... I used to be really super shy but eventually I've gotten better. The more you compliment her and make her feel good for being who she is, the more she'll relax. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

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Your cycles have bled into ones supposed to be my own (http://www.echoing.org/~a)

[MonStar1023]

Whatsup man? Yeah foreal though dawg my girlfriend has the same problem Im 17 and so is she and she cant orgasm off of oral and VERY rarely off fingering.... although she says that her orgasms off of fingering are much more intense than her sex orgasms - she gets all the way to the point of no return and 'loses' it. I dont get it she said she doesnt know what happens she says all of the sudden she just loses the sensations and shes not into it anymore and sometimes shell lose lubrication down there so we have to use KY. I dont know I am trying to figure out how to make her clixax off of oral or fingering more its hard though she likes different things everytime. She can only climax from missionary position too because she likes my weight on top of her. Peace.

[Lady 1]

Hi Mooney, I'm 45 and been married 25 yrs but I never orgasm during intercourse. I used to have aproblem with 'shut-down' when the sensations would change. It got better when I stopped trying so hard to have an orgasm. Good masturbation helps but some women NEVER orgasm during full penetration thats why foreplay is so important.
Also remember it isn't necessary to go for orgasm every time. During certain times of her cycle it is almost imposs. to come anyway.Thats hormones and just being close is all a woman needs. Don't make coming a big issue, its enjoyment that matters, the journey is better than arriving!
And why do men think they have failed if the woman dont come? Its her bussiness to come if she wants to,your just helping out! Take the pressure off yourself and just enjoy. If she's frustrated then masturbation will release that.