Were you counting every minute?

[kathryn]

Hi,

I've been reading through these posts for months now and it seems to me that many people want to rush into sex. Don't get me wrong, i see why everyone is always soo looking forward to it, but sometimes it does surprise me.

So, just out of interest I was wondering how long do you wait?
I see this is a very broad question so I'll narrow it down,

"how long did you wait before having sex for the first time with your first partener, (losing your virginity)?"

"how long do you wait before having sex with a partener if you are both not virgins?"

[Snow White]

There are so many variables involved that it's impossible to give any specific times. I've waited 2 months and thought I rushed into it, but I've also waited 2 days and felt that it was perfectly fine and the natural progression for the relationship.

I think that no matter what, as long as both parties are comfortable with the idea and there's no pressure involved, then it's fine, no matter how long you've waited.

[Schnap me Baby]

i waited a week when i lost my virginity and with my bf at the mo it was 3 days

[kathryn]

It's just that when i was 14 my friend got with a guy after knowing him for four months, (they were both 14) they were good friends beforehand and had a very good relationship. They were the first couple in my friendship group and waited 7 months before having sex. I know that they were young but I've read posts from 14 year olds who are already very experienced.
They are both 18 now, and are still together.

Now, a different friend of mine was still a virgin at 17, and met a 26 year old in a pub, he phoned her and they went for a date, the same night she slept with him. He didn't know she was a virgin and never phoned again.

I know which situation I would prefer.

[katchika]

I will be honest here, I lost my virginity when pissed and had known the guy for a matter of hours. I am not ashamed of it, it happened, I regretted it but shit happens.

With my current b/f I waited 2 weeks..and I think I waited around 2 weeks or more with all the others (not that there has been that many).

I think waiting is overrated personally (but I suppose you guessed that already...)

[Snow White]

I had lots to write. I decided not to write it here when I'm tired and emotional.

kt, you've just become my own personal hero. *hugs you*

[CheeseOnToast]

I'm not too bothered, I mean if it's not your first time and you're out just to get some action and the girl is doing the same then fine.

But on the other hand I don't mind waiting either. If I was seeing a girl who didn't want to have sex for a year then fine, its not my right as a boyfriend to be having sex.

I think as long as both parties are comfortable and sure there's not going to be any hassle afterwards then go for it, and enjoy it!

Phil. <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

[sweetdevi]

well before i even met the guy im wiv now,i used 2b as nervous as a chicken,thinkin about havin sex for the FIRST TIME,i used 2 dread thinkin about it!
then i met my boyfriend he was 19 i was 16,i wouldnt say we rushed into things bout i did begun 2feel really comfortbable,and he took my virginity away just less than a month we were 2gether(does that sound bad) he wasnt a virgin,(but dint realy hav much experience either) but hey im stil with him n where as happy as nethin) <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
takecare x <IMG SRC="cool.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

[katchika]

Wow, I am someones hero!

At the time I was like the slag of the school, after I fell out with my best mate and she told everyone about my drunken incident.

Girls can be such bitches. <IMG SRC="mad.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

[Harmless]

Well i'm not saying WHERE i lost my "V"
but the shorest time was about 2 weeks.

*was very very very drunk that night, i can tell you!!* <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

so drunk didn't knew it happened <IMG SRC="eek.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

[Goldie]

i waited nearly 4 months and then a week later i got dumped <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> but we got back together and didnt do it again. we not together nomore and sometimes i regrete what i did but then other times i dont becaused i loved him . . . still do <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

[stellar]

my bf and I were both virgins, and we waited nearly a year. scary looking at all the other posts! - we're still together, although it wasn't that long ago.

but kathryn, it's not often that it's as magical as the magazines say. for me it will never be something to regret, we love each other and we both helped each other to make it emotionally painless, but it was hardly a fireworks and champagne occasion. I was lucky, too.

[Snow White]

I lost it to someone who I'd been with for 2 months, who was wonderful, who wrote me poetry and sang me songs and bought me presents and made me feel like a princess.

Except for when he hit me. And after the once I let him have sex with me, he took it upon himself to rape me. For the whole 7 months that I was with him.

What I'm trying to get at here is that no matter how long you wait you can still have a bad experience. I could have been with him for a year and not seen his nasty side, as he was really good at hiding it 99% of the time.

[sexy little thing]

i lost mine after 4 months of going out with my boyfriend.i think 4 months is just about right.its not too soon and not a rediculusly long time.
my bf wasn't a virgin but were really close and he was really nice about it and made me feel comfotable with the situation. <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

[Meryn]

This is a bit of a wierd one. If we're being technical, I didn't actually have sex with my boyfriend for about 8 months, but we were doing "other stuff" more or less right from the start. He came home with me on the first night I met him, we woke up in the morning with our t-shirts off, but jeans still on, but we went further when he stayed the night a couple of weeks later. In fact the only reason I didn't lose my virginity that night was because I couldn't find a condom. It was odd - although he was enthusiastic about having sex then, the next time it nearly happened (he had the condom on and everything) I told him I hadn't done anything before, he admitted he was also a virgin and then murmered about wanting it to be "perfect" and stopped. It was as if he didn't mind having sex that early on if I was experienced, but my being a virgin changed things. And so we carried on spending nights together, doing "other stuff" for another 7 months (which was great, don't get me wrong) until I finally worked up my confidence to whisper "shall we..??" and it happened.

Looking back on it, I am glad we waited, as I then knew him properly, trusted him and loved him, and I think it was a lot better than it would have been, had we done it straight away and I didn't know all this. I'm glad he decided to stop things, and respected me enough not to take advantage of the "oh fuck it, I might as well do it now" naivity I was showing at first. As for jumping into bed with him straight away (which I feel was a tad sluttish), I don't regret any of it, as I love him to bits, although I think if I could rewind the past, I would take things a bit slower, as I wasn't to know then that it would turn out so well, or even last past the next morning. Caution may well have been better, as I would have felt so shitty if he'd just walked away after...

I hope this makes some kind of sense to someone, as I've just reread it, and am stunned at the incoherence. Sorry Kathryn…

[Justin Sane]

I haven't got a problem with first dates, but anything after about 1min 35sec is justifiable.. <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Don't mind waiting either <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

[Turtle]

Originally posted by Justin Credible:
<STRONG>I haven't got a problem with first dates, but anything after about 1min 35sec is justifiable.. <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Don't mind waiting either <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"></STRONG>

You should be shot, you manwhore. <IMG SRC="tongue.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

And the "1min" was a typo, wasn't it! <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

[GiRLiE_02]

i was with my boyf about 5 weeks b4 i lost my virginity and i was completly ready plus i was very curious

otherwise ive waited a week 3 months 2 weeks an a day <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

[Red Devillette]

I waited just under 5 months to sleep with my boyf or should I say he waited for me. I was a virgin and he wasn't and I certainly wasn't a kid, so I felt really guilty for a long time that he wasn't getting sex. I think because of society today, we sometimes feel that sex is a right in a relationship. The sort mentality that says 'seeing as he's been with for however many months and we're x years old, it's only right that he should expect sex'. For a long time I felt like I was cheating him in some way by not sleeping with him - especially since I was now staying at his place were we slept in the same bed every night.
What I didn't realise was by not talking about it he had a different 'reality' going on his head. I was paranoid that I was unfair and that he was beginning to resent me for not having sex and thought I was a frigid (I hate that word!) cow. And he thought I wasn't attracted to him and I wanted to split up and that I thought I'd made a mistake by going out with him. When we finally started talking about thing and laid it all on the table, it was such a relief for both of us. He was relieved that it wasn't about him and I was relieved that it didn't change the way he felt about me. What he pointed out to me was that he was lonely and not getting any before we got together. Now he wasn't lonely at all and was in fact really happy and even if we still weren't having sex we would eventually and he was still a hell of a lot better off than before coz now he was in love and never felt alone.
That hadn't occurred to me and I have to say, for a man, he made a hell of a lot of sense. We still talk about it now, many months later, because we talk bout everything all the time (pathetic and soppy I know), and he said to me last night in bed that what sort of person would he be if he just assumed he was entitled to sex. Sex these days has become valueless and cheap and if that's what you want there's plenty out there like that but if you're in a relationship, you'd hope that there might be a little more value put on the whole thing.
All I know is that I waited longer than all my friends - some which lost there virginity at 13 - and everyone told me that no matter how it happens and with whom, it's never gonna be the be all and end all experience you see in the movies. Well I'm sorry but my first was pretty damn good! No pain, no paranoia, no letdown. I was in love, I felt ready and it really was that night of passion and beauty you read about. My friends who have slept around for years feel dirty and used and it doesn't sound like they really enjoyed it all that much until they got into long time relationships when they were much older. Personally I have mind-blowing sex with none of the complications caused by guilt or shame over past dodgy experiences.
I felt like a freak for years and almost through the whole thing away on numerous random guys, in numerous drunk or drugged up situations. Everyone does things in there own way and I would never judge anyone on how they chose to live there life as long as there are being true to themselves. The worst thing someone can do to them selves is sot listen to the little voice inside - the real one not the paranoid, confused one. Wait as long as you need to, not as long as you should. And if he won’t wait for you, let him go. Men are like buses, (smelly, dirty and with gum stuck under the seat), that one just wasn't going your way anyway and there'll be another one along in a minute. <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

(have just reread and discovered quite how much I have just rambled – sorry)

jjessyka@hotmail.com

[Kermit]

Whats the great thing about aiting, if you are comfortable then do. I lost it to a friend as a random thing, and would ahve lost it to a random pull sooner if eitehr of us had had a condom. Im still with the girl I lost it to 6 months on, and were madly in love, so it goes to show just how there is no ideal waiting time or situation.

If you are ready, go for it.

[kathryn]

Thanks for all of your points of view!

Snow White;
I don't know what to say, I could say I'm sorry, but that sounds a bit...erm...hollow, so I will say that you have made me think, and hope that's ok.

[hedgehog]

i waited for 5 months before i had sex with my ex. no i didnt dump her for that trust me i waited till she felt right then we just did it, not plan it!!!

be patient and just do it when it feels right for the both of you

[**Cinderella**]

I waited 5 months wiv my boyf. We were gonna do it b4 then but i didnt feel ready. Anyway im glad i had waited cos at least i knew he wasnt using me for sex and i trusted him. My freind rushed into sex afta a couple of days wich i thought was silly of her cos the lad she was going out wiv had a reputation of jumping into bed wiv loadsa girls. At least i felt ready to do it, i think thats the most important thing so you dont regret it later on! <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

[donut]

i waited 7 months with my first boyf, but only 10 days with my most recent!!

[star_****]

i was raped so i didnt have a choice <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

[franknhonest]

Waiting until I'm married, if it ever happens.

[becky_boop]

I lost my virginity to my bf when i was 16. I waited 2 months before the first time. I am still with him now after a year.

Most people today do seem to be loosing their loosing their virginity at a really young age, don't ask me why I don't even think I was thinking about having sex under the age 0f 15!
<IMG SRC="cool.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">