twisted_trinity
26-07-2009, 11:00 AM
i make no secret - well IRL i do but only no to be stigmatised even more than i am already, being a child of the care system, and having mental health issues - that i was abused from the age of 4 right up until i was nearly 16. It happened in various ways and by various people, many of whom were entrusted to look after me.
After my breakdown in April, i've spent a lot of time trying to sort out my head - i've been on medication, i've had psychiatry, psychology, art therapy and i've been given a shed load of books to look at. right now the art therapy and the books are really helping, but they are bringing up a lot of shit from my memory, in the form of flashbacks.
When i have flashbacks i like to talk to someone about them and try and make myself feel safe again, but i'm finding the response i'm getting really difficult to deal with. My mother is the worst. i think she finds it very hard to deal with as a lot of the abuse when on under her nose, and because she was ill and bedbound, there was little she could do about it, even if she had known at the time. I have spent many hours talking about it with her, and much of that time had been spent crying but she rarely makes me feel better when i tell her about them.
Last night i was trying to get hold of her, and eventually i did, i told her about these 2 particular flashbacks i had - one which involved being forced into acts i didn't want to do when i was about 14 with older male friends of my then best friend. her reaction to it was - well, its life, these things happen. fair enough, yes i agree shit happens, but that doesn't make me feel any better about what happened, it made me feel like it was almost something i had to go through, some fucked up right of passage.
I talked to my boyfriend about it, who has been very supportive, and he did the thing of -its not your fault, and it was very wrong, but its in the past now, and you are safe - which kinda helped, but he feels awkward about it, because he just doesn't really know what to do or say. he knows what to do when i have fits, or if i go into a bit of a downer, but flashbacks seem a bit hard to deal with. We were meant to go on a course for survivors of childhood abuse and their partners, but we couldn't afford it...
Now, i'm not really too sure of what i'm asking here, but i think i need some advice of what i could do to help my mother stop saying things which i'm finding quite hurtful, and what i can do to make my boyfriend feel "better informed". I've tryed to explain it to him, but i find it really difficult
i don't really know what to do...
(thanks for reading to the end of this post if you actually have, i'm sorry about the length)
After my breakdown in April, i've spent a lot of time trying to sort out my head - i've been on medication, i've had psychiatry, psychology, art therapy and i've been given a shed load of books to look at. right now the art therapy and the books are really helping, but they are bringing up a lot of shit from my memory, in the form of flashbacks.
When i have flashbacks i like to talk to someone about them and try and make myself feel safe again, but i'm finding the response i'm getting really difficult to deal with. My mother is the worst. i think she finds it very hard to deal with as a lot of the abuse when on under her nose, and because she was ill and bedbound, there was little she could do about it, even if she had known at the time. I have spent many hours talking about it with her, and much of that time had been spent crying but she rarely makes me feel better when i tell her about them.
Last night i was trying to get hold of her, and eventually i did, i told her about these 2 particular flashbacks i had - one which involved being forced into acts i didn't want to do when i was about 14 with older male friends of my then best friend. her reaction to it was - well, its life, these things happen. fair enough, yes i agree shit happens, but that doesn't make me feel any better about what happened, it made me feel like it was almost something i had to go through, some fucked up right of passage.
I talked to my boyfriend about it, who has been very supportive, and he did the thing of -its not your fault, and it was very wrong, but its in the past now, and you are safe - which kinda helped, but he feels awkward about it, because he just doesn't really know what to do or say. he knows what to do when i have fits, or if i go into a bit of a downer, but flashbacks seem a bit hard to deal with. We were meant to go on a course for survivors of childhood abuse and their partners, but we couldn't afford it...
Now, i'm not really too sure of what i'm asking here, but i think i need some advice of what i could do to help my mother stop saying things which i'm finding quite hurtful, and what i can do to make my boyfriend feel "better informed". I've tryed to explain it to him, but i find it really difficult
i don't really know what to do...
(thanks for reading to the end of this post if you actually have, i'm sorry about the length)