rach1936
10-09-2007, 06:32 PM
:( There is a lot of explanation needed here, but I will try to condense it.
My boyfriend and I had been together for just over a year when we had our first break up. It was due to a combination of things.
He had a female friend in his life and they would go out a lot without including me. Worst part was he would meet her without telling me where he was until he got back, so it made me more and more suspicious. I'm not sure if she liked my bf in that way, but she had this wierd control over him. Anyway it all came to a head when she took him out for a special meal for his birthday and i wasn't even considered because "I wouldn't have enjoyed it!"
The other part of our break up was when I found out he had been using an online chat site to meet girls. He had been telling them he was single and had even posted up photos of himself which I had taken.
I was really crushed by both events. The worst part was he had been hiding so much from me I felt like I barely knew him.
We were apart for a few weeks, but we work at the same place so we eventually ended up on shift together.
We talked and I agreed to a sort of 'trial period'. We would meet up now and then to see how things went and see if he could ever get to a point where he was totally honest with me. I felt I would regret it if I didn’t give him this chance because I really do love him.
It was amazing, I saw such a change in him almost immediately. He was so much more loving towards me, much more open with his feelings, which has always been difficult for him. He got himself more organised, stopped being so lazy, started putting more effort into going out and doing things with me. He also stopped seeing his female friend, not because I told him to, but because he said he just didn’t want to any more. It was more than I ever would have dreamed of asking him to do.
We also had a proper talk about the Internet stuff. He swore to me that it was all just friendly chat and it never got dirty or sexual.
I was finding it difficult building the trust back up, and there had been times when i was getting angry or upset with him over nothing, but I was really willing to try when I saw him making all these efforts. I really thought everything would be ok.
Then last week, I found out he had exchanged some dirty emails and texts with some girl whose email address he had from years ago.
He was so ashamed and disgusted with himself talking about it.
I couldn’t understand how he could do it and neither could he. He knew it was wrong yet he did it anyway. It’s almost like he has a split personality sometimes. Nobody ever sees the insecure side of him that I do. My mother thinks he is controlling and manipulative, but I don't see it. Nobody else knows him like I do. He has never been as open with anyone as he is with me, not even his own family. I could see in his eyes how sorry he was, but it wasn’t enough.
We are broken up now, and as far as I’m concerned it’s for good this time.
We spoke yesterday, I don’t know why, but I felt like I needed some clarity on exactly what had happened, so I could really assure myself it wasn’t my fault.
He told me everything and says he has been completely honest about everything he has done. He hates himself and says he is more motivated than ever to change things.
He says he loves me and I believe he does. I don’t think my love for him will go away.
He says he is going leave me alone for now, coz he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore by being in my life.
He is going to contact me in a month, he says he hopes by then he will be in a different place and making more positive changes. He said he wanted nothing more than to be able to win me back but he won’t try until he is sure he won’t hurt me again.
I have a new job now, so we won’t be seeing each other or in any kind of contact. I really don’t want to delude myself into thinking he is gonna change, but at the same time I don’t want to let him go, because I have never connected with someone the way I have with him. We are so right for each other.
I would really like some outside perspective on this whole mess.
Do you think he will change? Can people really change?
Do you think he has been honest with me?
Why would he have put in so much effort to make things right, just to end up doing something worse than what we first broke up over?
Am I doing the right thing by trying to move on?
Would I ever be able to trust him again if he was to change?
Sorry this was so long. Thanks. xxx
My boyfriend and I had been together for just over a year when we had our first break up. It was due to a combination of things.
He had a female friend in his life and they would go out a lot without including me. Worst part was he would meet her without telling me where he was until he got back, so it made me more and more suspicious. I'm not sure if she liked my bf in that way, but she had this wierd control over him. Anyway it all came to a head when she took him out for a special meal for his birthday and i wasn't even considered because "I wouldn't have enjoyed it!"
The other part of our break up was when I found out he had been using an online chat site to meet girls. He had been telling them he was single and had even posted up photos of himself which I had taken.
I was really crushed by both events. The worst part was he had been hiding so much from me I felt like I barely knew him.
We were apart for a few weeks, but we work at the same place so we eventually ended up on shift together.
We talked and I agreed to a sort of 'trial period'. We would meet up now and then to see how things went and see if he could ever get to a point where he was totally honest with me. I felt I would regret it if I didn’t give him this chance because I really do love him.
It was amazing, I saw such a change in him almost immediately. He was so much more loving towards me, much more open with his feelings, which has always been difficult for him. He got himself more organised, stopped being so lazy, started putting more effort into going out and doing things with me. He also stopped seeing his female friend, not because I told him to, but because he said he just didn’t want to any more. It was more than I ever would have dreamed of asking him to do.
We also had a proper talk about the Internet stuff. He swore to me that it was all just friendly chat and it never got dirty or sexual.
I was finding it difficult building the trust back up, and there had been times when i was getting angry or upset with him over nothing, but I was really willing to try when I saw him making all these efforts. I really thought everything would be ok.
Then last week, I found out he had exchanged some dirty emails and texts with some girl whose email address he had from years ago.
He was so ashamed and disgusted with himself talking about it.
I couldn’t understand how he could do it and neither could he. He knew it was wrong yet he did it anyway. It’s almost like he has a split personality sometimes. Nobody ever sees the insecure side of him that I do. My mother thinks he is controlling and manipulative, but I don't see it. Nobody else knows him like I do. He has never been as open with anyone as he is with me, not even his own family. I could see in his eyes how sorry he was, but it wasn’t enough.
We are broken up now, and as far as I’m concerned it’s for good this time.
We spoke yesterday, I don’t know why, but I felt like I needed some clarity on exactly what had happened, so I could really assure myself it wasn’t my fault.
He told me everything and says he has been completely honest about everything he has done. He hates himself and says he is more motivated than ever to change things.
He says he loves me and I believe he does. I don’t think my love for him will go away.
He says he is going leave me alone for now, coz he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore by being in my life.
He is going to contact me in a month, he says he hopes by then he will be in a different place and making more positive changes. He said he wanted nothing more than to be able to win me back but he won’t try until he is sure he won’t hurt me again.
I have a new job now, so we won’t be seeing each other or in any kind of contact. I really don’t want to delude myself into thinking he is gonna change, but at the same time I don’t want to let him go, because I have never connected with someone the way I have with him. We are so right for each other.
I would really like some outside perspective on this whole mess.
Do you think he will change? Can people really change?
Do you think he has been honest with me?
Why would he have put in so much effort to make things right, just to end up doing something worse than what we first broke up over?
Am I doing the right thing by trying to move on?
Would I ever be able to trust him again if he was to change?
Sorry this was so long. Thanks. xxx