My boyfriend is so angry.

[xlittlexstarx]

I'm just writing this while my boyfriend is at work because I really need advice.

He's having a lot of problems at home, his parents are arguing a lot and it always seems to affect him quite badly, understandably. He doesn't like to talk about it much, but I know in the past things have been really difficult and throughout his life he's witnessed things such as domestic violence and his dad held his sister hostage and went to prison for being a drug dealer. I can't even begin to understand how difficult that must have been and I'll always be here for him and listen to him whenever he needs to talk, but he usually refuses to open up, which I do respect because I know how hard it can be to talk about things.

He told me something last week that worried me quite a lot. His dad was talking about buying a house and renting it out to my boyfriend. Since then my boyfriend has found out that his dad wants to buy the house to grow weed in, so that if the police found out it wouldn't be his dad who got into trouble, it would be my boyfriend instead. I was shocked beyond belief at this, I can't believe a father would do that to his own son! Yet my boyfriend always has excuses to back his father's behaviour up.

He came back to my house last night, where he spends most of his time, with cuts all over his hand and arm and swollen knuckles. I asked him what had happened and he refused to tell me because he said I'd be angry at him. It was only after I promised I wouldn't be mad at him (I rarely get mad anyway) that he told me that he'd punched a window through. When I asked why he just kept saying "I don't know, I was angry". I neve realised until last night how much anger he must have in him.

He seemed really down last night, he didn't touch his dinner (he's a massive food lover) and just wanted me to cuddle him and he fell asleep at about 7pm. He's been really quiet this morning as well and he said he didn't want to go to work.

I'm really worried about him. All this is affecting him so badly but he won't talk much about it. He's so wound up about it, I can tell he's really stressed and he's always snapping at me and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, as even simple things like asking what he would like for dinner can make him snap at me. He seems to be constantly moody and it seems like he's taking it out on me, when all I want to do is support him and be there for him. I've never pushed him or forced him to open up to me but I've always let him know that he can talk to me if he wants to. We don't have an issue with poor communication, because apart from this we talk about EVERYTHING. He's become so negative and I find it hard being with him sometimes because he critcizes everything and everyone. I so badly want to help him but I don't even know where to start. :crying:

[DG]

If you two don't have many ties then why not move away and start fresh somewhere where he's not going to run into his dad?

[Dobbin]

Oh my god, you poor things.

Is there any way you guys can get away form his dad? Sounds like he's the source of your problems.

[kangoo]

From what you say it doesn't sound like he means to be like this its just that he's got so much going on inside him. He obviously really needs and wants your help because you said he just wanted cuddles from you. At the same time though its not very fair for him to snap at you so you should explain to him that its making you upset because he might not even have realised he's taking it out on you so much. Chances are he'll blow up at you when you say that but he'll calm down and realise that its true.

For what you can do for him -well there's not much if he won't let you. Just try and make his life easy for him if he's going through a hard time. He's probably just stuck inside this bad place in his life at the moment and forgetting that there's good things about his life too - I've seen it happen with my boyfriend. It sounds a bit 60s housewife but do something nice to cheer him up, make a nice meal or go out somewhere he likes. Baggage from the past can be difficult but he needs to realise that he's got stuff to look forward to that will be better. He just can't see that at the moment.

ETA: agree to cut tied with his dad - he doesn't sound too great

[xlittlexstarx]

In an ideal world it would be fantastic to get away, but my boyfriend is very loyal to his family and he would never leave his mum and his sister. My boyfriend doesn't really see his dad that much because he's usually here or at his friend's house, it upsets him more the things his dad does concerning his mum rather than himself. And things aren't constant either, quite a lot of the time his dad seems to be a nice enough guy, and when his parents are getting on alright my boyfriend is his usual happy self. But my boyfriend definately wouldn't leave, and I think that's because he feels the need to protect his family.

[xlittlexstarx]

It sounds a bit 60s housewife but do something nice to cheer him up, make a nice meal or go out somewhere he likes. Baggage from the past can be difficult but he needs to realise that he's got stuff to look forward to that will be better. He just can't see that at the moment.




Thanks, that's a really nice idea. I might make him some cakes for when he gets home from work because he loves it when I bake :)