Divorce for Adultery - Help!

[long lost lady]

This is pretty long and detailed so I'll try to make it as clear as poss - please bear with me!

My fella is still married and living with his wife, but they basically live seperate lives since she started having an affair three years ago. She works very near him and as I used to work with him I have first hand experience of their relationship and there's absolutely no doubt that that's the case. About a year ago she finished with her other bloke because he found out that she was seeing yet another one. My fella also moved out of their house for a while when he found out, but moved back in when she said she wanted to make a go of things. That quickly fell apart but they have stayed living in the same house.

That all happened just after I met him, when we weren't together. Since then she's got back with her first bloke and only recently chucked him, and my guy has also been home to find her in bed with her second bloke. Now we got together in mid - November last year and, though we didn't keep it a secret, she would have reasonable grounds to claim that she hasn't known about us for more than six months - it's really debatable time-wise to be honest and would be hard to prove either way I think.

Their house has been up for sale for a while and they now have buyers and contracts sorted out, but she's been really hedging around actually doing anything. The problem is that she's really changeable, one day she'll be all sweetness and light trying to be pals with me, and the next she'll be coming into his work yelling at him. Yesterday he recieved a letter from her solicitors saying that SHE'S divorcing HIM on the grounds of adultery with me :mad: and saying that it's his behaviour which has ended the marraige, when there hasn't been a marraige for a year to my personal knowledge, and 3 years from what others have told me. Apart from that being totally unfair, it makes me so angry because she's only really recently started to co operate at all, and it could all have been so amicable because he's willing to agree to most things to avoid conflict.

S-o, I just wanted to ask a couple of questions:
1) Does anyone know whether he'd be reasonably able to challenge that without too much difficulty? If it was me I'd fight so hard to have justice done, as it were, but he really doesn't want it to be horrible. He's calling a solicitor this morning but opinions/experience would be welcome.
2) What rights do I have? I really really don't want my name anywhere near this, but as far as I can tell she can get me involved if she wants to.
3)Any other advice or experiences? How long can this all take? She's clueless about their finances too so can the solicitors advise her not to sell the house at all? Can she get half the business too - it's just in his name, not hers.

Sorry - this is really long and thanks if you've read to here! Any advice at all would be great because I'm worried and I don't need this right now!

[SuzyCreamcheese]

what does it matter.
As long as he gets a divorce. He HAS cmmited adultery with you, so thats what shes divorcing him for. Just because shes done it too does not mean he hasnt done it, and he would be perfectly within his right to divorce her for adultery or unreasonable behaviour too, but obviously hes chosen not to because he hasnt been sure which one of you he really wanted.

You dont really have any rights. She could name you I guess if she wanted to, but chances are she wont bother, and if she did, it wont affect you at all. they dont publish these things anymore. Just as long as he gets divorced thats all you want right?
She is entitled to 50% of the house. Im not sure about the business but she might be entitled to a pay off from that too if it counts as assetts.
If they have children then she may even be entitled to a bit more than that.

[Ballerina]

My dad is divorcing my mum on grounds of adultery just because it makes the divorce happen quicker. I don't think the reasons for divorce actually matter. And if she's divorcing him, then she'll be paying for it for a guess.

[SuzyCreamcheese]

you just have to have a reason tbh. Makes it so much quicker.
If you dont have a valid reason such as adultery or unreasonable behaviour, then you have to be seperated 2 years before you can even apply for divorce and thats only if the other consents. If the other doesnt consent its 5 years seperation.

The reasons given make NO difference to what she is entitled to. Even if shes the one unfaithful, she`d still be entitled to 50%, so its really nothing you can do about that.

Sounds like a fucked up situation tbh.

[Splodgey]

I can understand how you are feeling - my best friend's boyfriend is going through similar at the moment and although split up for 2 years, his ex is citing his relationship with my friend as the grounds for divorce (they didn't get together until after the seperation).

Apparently in the eyes of marital law if a couple are still married, even if seperated, they are committing adultery if they have relations with another person. I think this is slightly bonkers but hey, that's the law for you :)

SCC is right... if the ex has named you there is not a lot you can do about it - again my friend found herself in the same position even though his ex said she wouldn't name her!

Just keep your fingers crossed that everything will get sorted out quickly - divorce can be a messy messy business and the longer it gets dragged out the worse it is!

[Bunnie]

It is unlikely you will be named, as not many solicitors put the third parties name into the petition as it therefore means the respondent is more likely to defend it if his/her back is up.

Do you have a copy of the petition to hand? let me know what it says about costs. It is likely it will have a phrase along the lines of, 'There is no order for costs unless the petition is defended.'

Your boyfriend can apply for the petition to be varied and therefore change the ground to 2 years sep etc but you arent quite there yet. If he feels she has behaved in a way he couldnt live with then he can argue that, but as he is still there, it is unlikely.

Does she have any evidence about the adultery? Have you got a home together? Any children together? Without that your boyfriend needs to sign to admit adultery.

But it is probably best to speak to his solicitor who will then have all the information.

In relation to time scales, the petition for the decree nisi could take a while if trying to get proof of adultery, but once the court has granted that 6 weeks later she can apply for a decree absolute. However, if she doesn't your fella can, but he has to wait 3 months after the initial 6 weeks have expired.

In relation to the house, if they own it as beneficial joint tenants, it will be split 50/50 unless one can show that they have made a substantial financial contribution. With the business it is likely she will benefit from this, but as to the ratio I am not sure without knowing all the ins and outs.

Hope that helps! :thumb:

[long lost lady]

hiya - thanks for your responses. I have calmed down a lot now and kinda thinking what will be will be.... I refuse to feel guilty so now I'm just looking for it to be quick, easy and for him not to lose too much.

His solicitor has recommended that he applies for a seperation order in which they agree how to split the assets, and then get divorced after the two years seperation, because this will be quicker so they won't lose the buyers for the house. She is being all amiable at the moment so he's still going to try to persuade her to sign the papers for the house so that can start going through whilst they sort out the seperation. He's spoken to her and she's all keen about that at the moment but God knows what she'll be like in a couple of days.

I don't think the divorce process has officially been started yet - no official petition has emerged anyway. Strictly speaking there's no concrete evidence of our relationship but we've hardly kept it a secret so there's plenty of people who would stand up in court and bear witness, including me. I've just got to swallow my feelings about it and let them get on with it - if accepting that it's him that's caused their marraige to break down is what it takes to make the whole process quick and easy then that's what I'll be doing.

Thanks for the advice :) ...any more general stuff on divorce would be great too as I can't say I've ever been this intimately involved before:blush:

[SuzyCreamcheese]

I think youve got the wrong idea of what a divorce is like tbh. Im divorced and it didnt go through a court - Well not the sort of court where people stand up and say things anyway.
If he wants to divorce, then the best bet is to just see a solicitor and start the ball rolling, citing irreconcilable differences, and unreasonable behavior. That can be anything tbh.
Just get it over and done with.
Ive no idea why people want to drag these things out any longer than they have to.

[long lost lady]

nah the court thing was half figure of speech, half worst case scenario as it were. My parents are divorced so I have seen how it can be done quickly and amicably, and there's nothing I'd like better now I've got over my initial indignation.