Horrible Step Dad.

[xlittlexstarx]

I'd like some advice for my mum, really.

My step dad is a bit of a div. A few months back my mum and I went away for mothers day, and when we came back my step dad had had a party and they'd trashed the house, including my bedroom...they'd broken things, left a syringe on my bedroom floor, spilt stuff all over my brand new bed and bedding...broke the tv and cabinets in the front room and generally just made a mess. The kind of thing that you'd expect from a teenager when their parents go away, not a grown up man. But anyway, just thought I'd tell you that so you get an idea of the sorts of stupid things he does.

He goes out with his friends most nights, sometimes not getting back until about 5am. He never wants to do anything with my mum, go out with her or spend time with her or anything. He generally treats this place like a hotel. I've heard her crying at night so many times and it's horrible.

But now he's started staying in a little bit more, which my mum was pleased about, but he's taken to talking to women online for hours on end (which is how he met my mum) and it turns out that he's even been phoning them, which he tried to keep a secret but my mum found out. Obviously my mum thought the worst, but he's twisted it all round and saying that my mum is just insecure. Now, I'm not sure...but if that was me and my boyfriend was doing that I'd be pretty damn upset and very suspicious! But apparently all his friends think it's normal, so he's told her.

Blah. What do you think? I think she should have got rid of him ages ago, but it's easy for other people to say that, isn't it?

[luvmeright]

I think i agree with you. Have you talked to your mum about this? Tell her that you dont want her to get hurt and that your worried about his behaviour. cus i know i would if it was my step dad acting like this

[Bunnie]

You need to speak to your mum, and see how she feels. There is a high chance she hasnt mentioned it to you as she feels she doesnt want to burden you.
Does she have many friends she is close to?
Have you spoken to your step dad yourself?

Unfortunately, at the end of the day, it is your mum who needs to get rid of him if that is what she wants. You just have to show you are there for her whatever she decides.

[princess_slash]

definatly talk to your mum about everything thats worrying you. Then encourage her to discuss everything with your stepdad, tell her not to allow him to twist things round. You both need to find out how he feels about the situation, then you can start changing things.

ultimatly its her disicion wether he stays or goes, but i think you both need to know where you stand with him.
x

[SuzyCreamcheese]

:(
How awful for your mum. Hes blatantly cheating on her and has no respect.
What an arsehole.

[Life of Kate]

I have stepdad issues too (although thankfully I am 24, so don't live at home). My mum is emotionally abused by her husband and has gone through hell and back with him.

I just wanted to say that you have to be really careful how you approach this with your mum. My mum's problems with him started when i was a teenager, and so my concerns about how he treats her were put down to me being a stroppy teenager. Even though she knows how he treats her is wrong, she still doesn't believe she deserves any better. And she still thinks that my concerns about him are due to me just 'not liking him' rather than because he is actually a complete and utter shit. It has even got to the point where she has said that if there was a choice between me and him, she would pick him.

So I just wanted to make sure you were really careful and make sure you're not just going to her and telling her to leave him, because what you can see happening is not always what the person in the situation can see happening, and it could affect your relationship with her.

[Monserrat]

Littlestar, next time your step-dad isn't on the PC, go into C:\Documents and Settings\USER NAME\My Documents\My Received Files (where USER NAME is the account used for MSN Messenger) and check out the chatlog. If chatlogging has been disabled, go into options on MSN to enable it, again when no one is looking. You'll then be able to see what sort of stuff he has been typing to these ladies. Save it onto a floppy / pen drive and this will serve as your evidence.

[Man Of Kent]

Cutting his bollocks off isn't really an option, is it?

I'd be surprised if your Mum doesn;t really see it all for herself but is worried about what will happen for her if she confronts him, and she may not want to really have it comfirmed by him.

You have to remember that being single at "our" age is a scary prospect...

[JustThinking..X]

No one ever wants to see their mum with a dickhead so the best thing to do I reckon is go out for lunch or a drink with your mum and have a word. Don't nag or slag him off to much because it won't go down well stick with the facts. Just be like Mum you can do a lot better and he's treating this palce like a hotel, you were fine without him before so you'll be able to cope or whatever ...

hope tht helps

[otter]

at the end of the day its up to your mum whether she still loves him / wants to be with him. i'm sure your mum will know all his faults. if it bothers your mum then she should talk to him. its hard to know what to advise really because in the end all you can do is encourage her to talk to him if she is upset by his actions, but its all down to her in the end whether she wants to be with him and if not will she do something about it.