dealing with a shy person on a date??? urgent, advice needed for tonight!

[lost+confused]

ways to break the ice? make the other person more relaxed and chatty, and less quiet??
im a bubbly friendly person, even if im shy, il chat away loads+ask questions about the other person....but the guy im seeing tonight is quiet+shy and i dont know how to cope with it!
advice please!!!
thank you
L+C

[LuckyStrike]

get him drunk? i've been known to be a bit shy sometimes, depends who the person is, but a few drinks certainly get me going.

[lost+confused]

well we're both driving, so thats not an option. BUT even so, he was drunk the night i met him and very complimentary and flirty, so id like to know if he likes me when he's sober (as thats what ive been worrying about the most, im just worried he's going to be dissapointed with me)

[Lu_C]

get him drunk?

Haha! :razz: Yeah, that can help... I certainly get more talkative if tipsy... but I also do really stupid things, which might not be so good on a date.

Well... If you know he's shy beforehand at least if he's really quiet you know why... Just ask him a few questions so he doesn't have to worry about what to say... If I'm feeling shy and quiet it's usually because I'm thinking 'shit shit shit I cannot think of one single thing to say! shit shit shit!' It's much easier if the other person leads the coversation.

[I'm With Stupid]

well we're both driving, so thats not an option. BUT even so, he was drunk the night i met him and very complimentary and flirty, so id like to know if he likes me when he's sober (as thats what ive been worrying about the most, im just worried he's going to be dissapointed with me)
Well I'd expect that if he's shy, he won't be as complimentary and flirty when he's sober. Most people aren't. Don't take that as him not liking you as much though.

[katchika]

ways to break the ice? make the other person more relaxed and chatty, and less quiet??
im a bubbly friendly person, even if im shy, il chat away loads+ask questions about the other person....but the guy im seeing tonight is quiet+shy and i dont know how to cope with it!
advice please!!!
thank you
L+C

I went out with a quiet guy a few weeks ago. I'm very chatty and just kept talking...um ask him lots of questions, easy stuff about his friends and family. Or do something like an activity such as going on the arcade games/playing pool as then you are actually doing something and don't have to constantly talk.

[Fairy]

Take them to a loud rock gig. Always makes me feel better if I go shy. Then you have something to talk about after. It could be a possibility that they are shy as they really like you also.

[lost+confused]

see, i know il ask him lots of things - but ive got a feeling its going to drive me mad ME starting every conversation. it'd be nice iif a guy took interest in me once!

[Fairy]

see, i know il ask him lots of things - but ive got a feeling its going to drive me mad ME starting every conversation. it'd be nice iif a guy took interest in me once!

Give them a chance. If it continues like that and it seems like they are making no effort then move on. Just slip him a shot of vodka or something maybe as well.

[lost+confused]

i will give him the chance, but if he doesnt talk more, im gonna move on for sure. whatever happened to men doing some of the chasing aswell??

[katchika]

i will give him the chance, but if he doesnt talk more, im gonna move on for sure. whatever happened to men doing some of the chasing aswell??


Well are you making ALL the moves? Is he showing any interest at all? Who asked who out?

[lost+confused]

not all the moves, but alot of them! we've arranged when+where 2nite, so surely he cuda ignored me/backed out if he werent interested.....or even said no in the 1st place wen i suggested it?

[**helen**]

Just slip him a shot of vodka or something maybe as well.

:eek2: I'm sure you meant this in jest, but just erm slightly dodgy methinks.
PussyKatty has given some sound advice - just give him a chance, keep asking questions (although I now it can be frustrating) and see how it goes :)

[LeicesterLuke]

i will give him the chance, but if he doesnt talk more, im gonna move on for sure. whatever happened to men doing some of the chasing aswell??

Lol, no need for sexism. Some men are shy and so are some women. My mate set me up with this girl a few weeks back. We all went out together and she said like 2 words. I thought, fair enough, first time nerves. Then I went round her place and it had to be one of the most awkward night's of my life. She might have said 1 word but I can't really remember! Finally we all went out together again, and I made an extra extra effort to cheer her up and bring her out her shell and still so little response. At the end of the night her mate told me that she really liked me, but was just a little shy. Well there's shy and there's plain ridiculous. I'd given it my best, and given it a bit of time, but I couldn't suffer anymore of that. If she liked me, I reckon even a complete introvert could have tried harder than that. My point - give him a bit of time, but if he's still helpless after a few dates, move on...

[lost+confused]

cheers guys, you're all being so helpful. i just need reassurance, but suppose il have to wait and see tonight how things go!
luke, i apologise for the sexism, i dint mean it that way. im just abit traditional i guess+am new to the whole dating scene, so im just learning my way! That girl does sounds extremely shy. im the kind of girl though who likes to chat and laugh with a person, and i cant laugh at my own jokes, can i?

[Wyetry]

Maybe you should write yourself a list of ice breaking questions that you can ask - keep them in your hand bag and nip to the loo to read them if your stuck for words.

As well as some kind of obvious ones you could talk about christmas telly, what they got for chrismas, whats in the news today, what films you have both seen recently, what your top 10 songs are, where do you like to go shopping. Its suprising how much time you can spend talking about stuff thats on the surface quite normal.

The other option would be to do something like going to the cinema or bowling which means your not talking all the time and which gives you something to talk about later on in the evening...

[1983]

http://www.wikihow.com/Category:dating

:D

[lost+confused]

wyetry - we are going cinema.......i dont think il run out of things to say....just worried its me that will do most of the talking+conversation starters!

[Magic.Emma]

Try and get him to talk about something he likes. Im a really shy person especialy around people i dont know very well, but if were talking about something that i know lots about or im interested in, i find it much easier to talk cos i actualy have something to say. If your going to the cinema it shouldnt be to hard as you can talk about the film and ask him what he thought or other films he likes.

[LeedsLad]

Try and get him to talk about something he likes. Im a really shy person especialy around people i dont know very well, but if were talking about something that i know lots about or im interested in, i find it much easier to talk cos i actualy have something to say.

Well said, I'm the same myself and couldn't agree more.

[Fairy]

:eek2: I'm sure you meant this in jest, but just erm slightly dodgy methinks.
PussyKatty has given some sound advice - just give him a chance, keep asking questions (although I now it can be frustrating) and see how it goes :)

Hehe yeah I was taking the piss :)

[lost+confused]

1983, thanx, i read alot of the articles on that page!

[LeicesterLuke]

cheers guys, you're all being so helpful. i just need reassurance, but suppose il have to wait and see tonight how things go!
luke, i apologise for the sexism, i dint mean it that way. im just abit traditional i guess+am new to the whole dating scene, so im just learning my way! That girl does sounds extremely shy. im the kind of girl though who likes to chat and laugh with a person, and i cant laugh at my own jokes, can i?

haha, no apology needed. 'Twas meant jokingly. Yeah she was VERY shy. Part of me feels bad that I couldn't be arsed, but then, we've all been dealt a crap hand at some point. Really, if he likes you, and it sounds like he does, there shouldn't be to much of a problem - he'll come out his shell.

Billy Connoly laughs at his own jokes, but no, I wouldn't recommend it! If you like to chat and laugh though, you're definately on the right track. :thumb:

[Deep Fathom]

He should feel lucky he has this chance. Many girls just dismiss guys who aren't forward.

[lost+confused]

cheers luke;i do like to laugh and chat, but am worried il be rambling on and on, and he wont be that chatty - spose ive only really got before the film to worry about chatting in!
deepfathom, your post made me :), thank you!

[StrubbleS]

ways to break the ice? make the other person more relaxed and chatty, and less quiet??
im a bubbly friendly person, even if im shy, il chat away loads+ask questions about the other person....but the guy im seeing tonight is quiet+shy and i dont know how to cope with it!
advice please!!!
thank you
L+C

Take the lead.. a shy guy does not want to make the decision. Make suggestions e.g. drinking a few alcoholic beverages. If you suggest something give him more options, so he does not have to say 'no', but is able to choose between more. Like... "do you want to watch a movie? or rather go out?... maybe you wanna play a round of twister!!?!?".

If you want to improve the situation between you crank down the heat a few notches and bring a blanket to cuddle a bit during a movie. Make the decision! Don't let him have to ask for anything.

That's the way to go.

i will give him the chance, but if he doesnt talk more, im gonna move on for sure. whatever happened to men doing some of the chasing aswell??

Whatever happened to girls who are absolutely unresponsive when you chase them and don't let you know if they like you back, not before you have to take together all your courage and feel like a plonk by drawing them a diagram of how you like them more than just a friend and then fucking fail?

Jesus, I wish someone would chase me once...

[Addict]

http://www.wikihow.com/Category:dating

:D

LMAO

I clicked on that because I was curious and scrolled down the page looking at the various titles.

Amongst my favourites are 'how to':
Date a 'Stoner'
Date a Thug
Get Your Girlfriend to Play Video Games
Get Your Overly Sensitive, Emo Boyfriend to Dump You

but the best title of all has to be
How to: Break up With Your Imaginary Girlfriend (http://www.wikihow.com/Break-up-With-Your-Imaginary-Girlfriend)
:lol:
Must be a tough one to go through, that.

[Namaste]

Just a note... A lot of men pretend to be shy so you will chase them, or do all the work.

Be wary.

[lost+confused]

thanx moonrat. things went ok, no awkward silences or anything, but he's still too shy for my liking :(

[I'm With Stupid]

-']Just a note... A lot of men pretend to be shy so you will chase them, or do all the work.

Be wary.
That is true. Then make you think you're the one that "brought him out of his shell."

[Namaste]

That is true. Then make you think you're the one that "brought him out of his shell."
Yep, then they will try to make you work even harder for them, maybe try to make you jealous ect

Tbh I can't be bothered with "shy" people (because most are just lazy or like the attention), would rather go out with somebody secure enough to be forward and honest.

[StrubbleS]

That is true. Then make you think you're the one that "brought him out of his shell."

whoa, you never complete training I guess... Never came across of that.

I was about to disagree with Moonrat, because you can't really describe it as "work". I mean wtf? Like it's usual for the man to "make the work" and it's OMGHORRIBLE, if the girl has to do that *gasp*.
And if you got it (the guts) you'll use them too! to improve the chances to success.

but if a sophisticated bloke like iws is at one with MR, then.... hmmm...

*ponders*

[lost+confused]

well i figure shy or not, if he likes me+wants to see me again he has my number+msn, so its not like he has to ask me out again face to face, but ive done the chasing so far and arranged the date, its up to him now to show me if he likes me or not!

[I'm With Stupid]

whoa, you never complete training I guess... Never came across of that.
Aww, has a man never pretended to be shy to get in your pants? :p Do you feel left out?

[I'm With Stupid]

well i figure shy or not, if he likes me+wants to see me again he has my number+msn, so its not like he has to ask me out again face to face, but ive done the chasing so far and arranged the date, its up to him now to show me if he likes me or not!
Well yeah, but you don't seem to like him that much anyway, so what's the point?

[StrubbleS]

well i figure shy or not, if he likes me+wants to see me again he has my number+msn, so its not like he has to ask me out again face to face, but ive done the chasing so far and arranged the date, its up to him now to show me if he likes me or not!

but you know just as good as I do, that you will become desperate and chase him again if he does not seem to take the initiative :D

welcome to my life, I think we should date l+c... that would solve a lot of probs.

[HIT]

ways to break the ice? make the other person more relaxed and chatty, and less quiet??
im a bubbly friendly person, even if im shy, il chat away loads+ask questions about the other person....but the guy im seeing tonight is quiet+shy and i dont know how to cope with it!
advice please!!!
thank you
L+C
Once you really start talking to him you will find this shyness will quickly wear off. Find out his interests then talk about those, he will eventually feel more comfortable in talking.

[lost+confused]

but you know just as good as I do, that you will become desperate and chase him again if he does not seem to take the initiative :D

welcome to my life, I think we should date l+c... that would solve a lot of probs.

Damn it, ur right! im not going to though, i really like him, but i need to know if he likes me or not......and theres no other way to find out is there???

Good plan strubbleS, would solve all our probs :D
L+C

[StrubbleS]

Damn it, ur right! im not going to though, i really like him, but i need to know if he likes me or not......and theres no other way to find out is there???

Good plan strubbleS, would solve all our probs :D
L+C

There is... but it's the last instance.

Had to use it recently and failed :o

[lost+confused]

what is it?

[Lacy]

Lol sit on his face?

[Namaste]

whoa, you never complete training I guess... Never came across of that.

I was about to disagree with Moonrat, because you can't really describe it as "work". I mean wtf? Like it's usual for the man to "make the work" and it's OMGHORRIBLE, if the girl has to do that *gasp*.
And if you got it (the guts) you'll use them too! to improve the chances to success.

but if a sophisticated bloke like iws is at one with MR, then.... hmmm...

*ponders*
It's not about making an effort or gender roles (and I was referring to charming women just as much as men), it's about the fact that a lot of "shy" people act in such a way because they like to be chased and lead people on, or because they're lazy.

It's like playing hard to get, but attempting to be all cute and sweet and modest.

But that is my experience.