Dads - do i need him?

[joshmeister]

http://vbulletin.thesite.org/showthread.php?t=105365

That was a post i made a few months ago that made me got upset.

Today i received a phone call from him out of the blue, its been about 240 days since i last spoke to him or even seen him. He was asking how was i and i wanted to put the phone down on him but i couldnt.

He then was going on about why dont i phone him etc, and trust me i would if i could but i dont know where he is, what he is doing, is he away and as he said he is away for 6 weeks in a few days, also he has moved to a new house, with a new phone number.
He asked to put the phone on to my mum - she didnt as she was still upset with him about my 18th, i said she didnt want to speak and in which he said that he tried 20+ times to get in touch that day (total like because i was in bar 1 hour and 30mins for a birthday meal), he didnt phone the next day or the day after - he still didnt mention how it went, what did i do and what did i get, not a card or a prezzie. And as said, i knew he phoned home/his GF days before my birthday. He also sent a Christmas card with no love, just my name and im sure no christmas presents or a christmas gift as he is going away will feburary.

He goes on about how he spends all his days working (total lie) and all the money goes to me when i was younger for the allounce to my mother to feed and cloth me. He then sent a email an hour later saying to my mum saying she was a Bitch etc and how the money wasnt all for josh and he bailed her out (she was a single mum, 2 kids, ill for sometime and working as hard as she could).

What do i do?
What can i do?

Do i take it he doesnt care about me and pretend he is dead - because thats the way i feel at the moment - he only thinks about him and no one around him.

[Cherrypie2882]

Hi Josh

Sometimes you just have to let people get on with it, seriously my dad is the same, he has a whole new family, i get the odd call, sometimes the odd card, hell we had an argument once about how old i was!! doh!! and i have a half brother who lives with him with the same birthday as me so you would think he would know when my birthday was!! lol but i have made peace with it, there is nothing harder than feeling that your dad who is suppose to care about you doesnt and has other priorites however getting upset and torturing yourself about what to do is a waste of energy, try and focus on your life and what is important to you.

I know its sad and its not fair but all you can do is accept him for the way he is and take that experience for when you have kids one day and be the best dad there ever was!!

Good luck x

[Namaste]

Mate, if I could do anything right now I would wrap my arms around you and give you a big hug... Really. In so many ways I feel I can empathise with you, both our situations have something in common (my Dad didn't phone me on my birthday, but it was a Saturday so he must've been down the pub).

I try not to be angry at my father and at his girlfriend (who I would honestly call a psychopath and who I will have to put up with in my cousin's birthday) because I try to justify reasons why they treated me the way they did. Slowly I am coming to terms with things.

I guess that what I have learned is that sometimes it is impossible to change people. I know it hurts, but what he has done is in no way your fault. Please please believe that.

A lot of people have issues and the way they deal with them is by hurting people or avoiding situations. His behaviour is down to his own issues, maybe he was nasty to your mother because he felt guilty for not being there.

You know, one of the benefits from my own situation is that I have an amazing relationship with my Mum and brother (we were brought up on the dole and Dad wouldn't even give us enough cash for the heating... Very cold winters on the side of a mountain!), we have grown together and it helped make me more independent.

Look at how he has hurt you and promise yourself that you will never do the same to another person. That way you have become stronger and grown from your pain rather than let him or anybody else win.

I'm sorry that you feel anger and sadness, I wish I could change that.