Hating mate

[playdead]

i love my mate at college but when i go home i just wanna have time to relax by myself and watch TV and stuff cause i hate college so i dont want to bring it home but my mate keeps calling me 2 or 3 times each night and its getting really anoying and i'm starting to resent her for it
i try to make up excuses but she just keeps calling so i have to chat to her about completly unimportant things which shes had all day to chat to me about
i want to say something but i'm worried she'll get offended and think i hate her or never call me again even when i wana chat to her
any idea if what to do?! x

[HIT]

Those mates are annoying, just be straight with her. Say when I get home I want time to myself.

[remotebleeper]

i love my mate at college but when i go home i just wanna have time to relax by myself and watch TV and stuff cause i hate college so i dont want to bring it home but my mate keeps calling me 2 or 3 times each night and its getting really anoying and i'm starting to resent her for it
i try to make up excuses but she just keeps calling so i have to chat to her about completly unimportant things which shes had all day to chat to me about
i want to say something but i'm worried she'll get offended and think i hate her or never call me again even when i wana chat to her
any idea if what to do?! x

Oh well you'd hate me then, I call my friends all the time for pointless things :blush:

[icey]

Turn your phone off and dont give anyone your home number.
Only my very best of friends have got mine because i know none of them will abuse it. They normally still just ring me on my moby anyway!

[briggi]

A mate is for life, not just for passing boring times at college :razz:

Nah, I'm only kidding, I've always had a pretty short fuse when it comes to pointless, incessant phone calls too. I have relaxed about it a bit more now though, as I think when someone calls a lot to talk about seemingly pointless things it's often a sign that they're feeling quite lonely and low. Obviously not all the time, but it's something to bear in mind. I have had a couple of experiences with mates who want to shoot the breeze constantly in evenings after I have seen them all day (!) and they've always been going through quite stressful or lonesome times. That said, even if that is the case you are perfectly entitled to want "me" time where you can relax without constant phone calls. You need to find the balance; where being a mate ends and being a bit selfish (as we all need to be) begins.

I wouldn't recommend making a blanket statement like "I don't like talking on the phone about pointless shite in the evenings so stop calling me please", but rather maybe cutting phone calls short once you've found out what they want. If this mate doesn't have a point, question, problem, whatever... well then you can just ask politely if everything is alright with them, and if they say yes then you can just tell them you've got some things you need to get on with and that you'll catch up with them the next day (or whenever) in college. It doesn't have to be a huge deal and you don't have to do it in a hostile way that will alienate them; if they're reasonable they will take the hint and realise that it's nowt personal and you just have other things in your life than chatting on the phone :)

[Teagan]

I think it's best to be kinda direct. I had a friend that did that all the time. I told her would she mind toning down the number of calls because apart from disturbing me, she was disturbing the rest of my family. She took that ok ....