trust

[remotebleeper]

Well this weekend I realised I couldn't trust someone who I had put complete belief and trust in. It has made me rethink how I go about forming friendships/relationships with people, I've always trusted people until they give me a reason not to but this guy has really knocked the boat for me.

He told a horrid lie which I believed (because I had no reason not to), and it turned out to be completely false. Its made me question how good I am at judging characters.

So my question is:

Do you trust someone right away until they do something to make you have distrust in them or do they have to earn your trust?

[Yerascrote]

Usually have to earn it...I wouldn't confide everything with even my best of mates. Plus you do have to be cautious but I'm careful with who I trust, I'm a good judge of character usually but yeh, sometimes you can a right shock like you just did. Fuck it, shit happens like.

[Sofie]

Usually have to earn it...I wouldn't confide everything with even my best of mates. Plus you do have to be cautious but I'm careful with who I trust, I'm a good judge of character usually but yeh, sometimes you can a right shock like you just did. Fuck it, shit happens like.

Ditto. And this is something I've learn in life the hard way...

[littlemissy]

I never trust someone straightaway.

For example, I have been at uni for a year and out of the group of people I am really good mates with, I would say that I only trust one of them at all and I don't trust her completely. It's not that they are dishonest, it's that they really need to earn it with me as I have been burned in the past.

[Tweety]

My gut instinct hasn't let me down yet.

[*Snow White Queen*]

Do you trust someone right away until they do something to make you have distrust in them or do they have to earn your trust?

I find it very difficult to trust people. I've had alot of people shit on me in the past.

People have to earn my trust and if they break that trust, people very rarely get it back.

[remotebleeper]

Usually have to earn it...I wouldn't confide everything with even my best of mates. Plus you do have to be cautious but I'm careful with who I trust, I'm a good judge of character usually but yeh, sometimes you can a right shock like you just did. Fuck it, shit happens like.

Turlough your advice is always so blunt, but true. :thumb:

Yeah I got quite a shock, I'm still not so sure about the earning of trust thing.

Surely if someone tells you that they are ill (totally made up scenario) then you believe them unless they give you reason otherwise. ?

[Kermit]

I generally do trust people, to be honest, and sometimes you get a shock because of it.

I maintain you get more joy out of trusting people than out of seeing everyone as an enemy.

I do have a good sense of character, but its easy to get it wrong.

I'd be thinking more about what made him do it than what he actually did.

[littlemissy]

I generally do trust people, to be honest, and sometimes you get a shock because of it.

I maintain you get more joy out of trusting people than out of seeing everyone as an enemy.

I do have a good sense of character, but its easy to get it wrong.

I'd be thinking more about what made him do it than what he actually did.

Don't get me wrong, I don't see everyone as an enemy.

But if I had a problem then I wouldn't divulge it and I wouldn't tell them my deepest, darkest secrets.

There is a happy medium.

[otter]

i find trust really hard.

[Kermit]

Don't get me wrong, I don't see everyone as an enemy.

No, some people do though. It's a shame.

But if I had a problem then I wouldn't divulge it and I wouldn't tell them my deepest, darkest secrets.

There is a happy medium.

Definitely.

I wouldn't divulge everything unless I knew them well and could trust them. But I wouldn't be once bitten twice shy.

[remotebleeper]

I'd be thinking more about what made him do it than what he actually did.

You're right, that is what upsets me the most because I do care about him, he was a great mate. He lied to a lot of people not just me and he's got himself into a lot of trouble because of it, I'd love to still be there for him but it means putting more trust in him and I just don't trust him anymore.

I agree with the idea that there are certain levels of trust in any friendship/relationship. I wouldn't tell all my deepest secrets even to some of the people I say I trust.

Maybe it isnt a trust isnt just a clear cut thing, maybe there are stages of trust. Just a thought.

[JamesZero]

I generally do trust people, to be honest, and sometimes you get a shock because of it.

I maintain you get more joy out of trusting people than out of seeing everyone as an enemy.

I do have a good sense of character, but its easy to get it wrong.

I'd be thinking more about what made him do it than what he actually did.

I agree... life is too short to be worrying about trust all the time... dont get me wrong, there are things I would only trust with some people, but generally I tend to trust people I know unless i'm given reason not to...

This has back fired before, but i'm sure everyone has had someone break there trust at some point...

You just have to think, why did he do it... would he do it again or did he learn his lesson from it... and finally is the friendship worth trying to rebuild the trust...

[Kaff]

i guess i trust people a fair amout (safe amount?) until they give me reason either to distrust them, or to trust them completely.

[remotebleeper]

I agree... life is too short to be worrying about trust all the time... dont get me wrong, there are things I would only trust with some people, but generally I tend to trust people I know unless i'm given reason not to...

This has back fired before, but i'm sure everyone has had someone break there trust at some point...

You just have to think, why did he do it... would he do it again or did he learn his lesson from it... and finally is the friendship worth trying to rebuild the trust...

Well I trusted you to help me fix my lap top and it worked so that turned out well. I will continue to trust people and he's let himself down more than anyone else. It was one of those situations where people we telling me the truth but I chose to believe his lies :blush:

Nevermind.

[JamesZero]

Well I trusted you to help me fix my lap top and it worked so that turned out well. I will continue to trust people and he's let himself down more than anyone else. It was one of those situations where people we telling me the truth but I chose to believe his lies :blush:

Nevermind.

oh yeah... did you get my invoice in the post for that? :D

In all seriousness though... if he feels like he has let himself down, and he is sorry for what he is done, then maybe he dose deserve another chance.
I'm not saying give him your full blown trust straight away, but just see how things go and maybe in time you will both just see it was a one off mistake and be back to where you were... if its an important friendship then its worth a go!

[remotebleeper]

oh yeah... did you get my invoice in the post for that? :D

In all seriousness though... if he feels like he has let himself down, and he is sorry for what he is done, then maybe he dose deserve another chance.
I'm not saying give him your full blown trust straight away, but just see how things go and maybe in time you will both just see it was a one off mistake and be back to where you were... if its an important friendship then its worth a go!

Yeah it is important to me. We done really have mutual friends so all my mates would rather I just let it go as they don't know him too well but I would like to give it another chance. I'll have calmed down a bit by next week probably anyway.

Thanx love!

[Click to see more]

Trust isn't terribly easy to define for me.

Everyone gets the same level of trust from the beginning - which I guess is class 'B'. After a while, if trust is reciprocated and not broken, it'll go up to a class 'A'.

Super special people get class 'AA', which means I'll tell them anything. There really aren't many people in the latter group...

Once it is broken, it'll never return, unless there was a really good reason for it. I'm rather private I guess, though I'll gladly talk openly about many things :).

[Bri-namite]

I still maybe confide in people too much. I'm too trusting when it comes to feelings and stuff, I end to opening up to people who aren't really that bothered?

I'm really lucky though, there's two or three people that aren't physically around me at the moment that I could pick up the phone to and I could tell them anything and they'd listen, reassure and understand, because they know me and the way I think and do stuff.

Deep.

[_guest]

I'm sorry to hear someone betrayed your trust, that's always really hard to deal with.

As for me, I trust any and every one implicitly, I always have and I can't imagine ever becoming distrustful (not that I think it's a bad thing). Most people are trustworthy, it's the minority that ruin things, most definitely.